


Falling in Time

by laurasmileygirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 65,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurasmileygirl/pseuds/laurasmileygirl
Summary: Marauders x Outlander"Witches and wizards disappear all the time..."James, Lily, and Sirius go through the stones at Craigh Na Dun and find themselves in a time even more hostile than the one they just left. Can the three of them survive the 1740s? And will James and Lily discover a love that can endure?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 22
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

Witches and wizards disappear all the time. In fact, if you’re a witch or a wizard who can’t disappear, it’s very likely that you’re not a very competent one. Between apparition and floo powder and vanishing cabinets, disappearing is practically a hobby for the modern witch and wizard. 

But even in a world of magic, some disappearances are too mysterious to be explained. When a witch or wizard apparates, they have a destination. They can be followed; they leave tracks.

Some disappearances are to be expected. Magic is a risky business, even when there isn’t a war brewing. When there is the threat of war… well, when you disappear, you may find people don’t look too hard, especially if your disappearance isn't through space, but through time.

*

War was heavy in the air in August 1978. Lily could feel it weighing upon her, but in this quaint muggle town in Scotland, life went on.

“Smile, Lily!”

Lily quirked the corners of her mouth up in what she hoped was a smile, rather than a grimace. The camera flashed. As she blinked away the brightness, her father lowered the camera, beaming.

“That’s our beautiful graduate!” he said.

“Enough pictures,” her mother said. “We’re going to annoy the locals.”

Petunia raised her chin. “You need one of me, first.”

Lily obligingly moved back to her parents as Petunia took her spot, right in the middle of the picturesque street. After some thought, Petunia moved her left hand to rest against her face, turning her cheek slightly so that her hand was more visible. From beside Lily, her mother sighed.

“So pretty!” Lily said. “It’s a lovely ring, Petunia.”

At first, all of them had gushed about the engagement ring, but after several days of a vacation filled with not-so-subtle hints to admire it, Lily was the only one still willing to indulge Petunia.

Petunia’s face twisted into feigned surprise. “Oh… I always forget that I’m wearing it, but you’re right, it will be in that picture, won’t it?”

In a way, Lily thought, it was easy to be jealous of her. Petunia, who was tall and blonde. Petunia, who was marrying a respectable man with a good job. Petunia, who wouldn’t have to leave to fight in a war after this last family vacation.

“Your school is in Scotland, isn’t it?” Lily’s father asked her.

Her mother gasped. “Are we close? Could we go see it?”

Lily hid a smile, genuine this time. “Erm, no. I’m afraid it has some precautions against…”

“Sightseers?” her father said with a wink.

Her mother frowned. “You mean… oh. How fascinating.” 

If her mother had been a witch, Lily knew she would go into Ravenclaw. Her mother’s thirst for knowledge was unparalleled, and Lily could easily picture her mother as a scholar, writing on the theory of magic.

“Why are we talking about school?” Petunia interrupted. “Lily’s already graduated, and can’t we talk about something normal?”

As she spoke, she fiddled with her ring anxiously. Their parents exchanged a look.

Lily cast around for a subject change. “Tell us how you met Vernon again. It’s such a cute story…”

She trailed off. Down the cobblestoned street, she could have sworn she saw two familiar faces, but that was impossible. What would they be doing in a muggle town in Scotland?

“You don’t sound interested,” Petunia was saying irritably.

“What?” her father asked, following Lily’s gaze.

“Let’s go into that shop,” Lily said, taking Petunia by the arm and pulling her towards a rather uninteresting-looking antique shop.

“Why would we go into there?” Petunia said. “It looks like rubbish in there-”

Lily ignored her. The bell over the door tinkled as they walked into the brightly lit shop. A large clock ticked loudly to her right, next to a large, gilt-framed mirror. Lily took in her pale reflection.

She hadn’t seen James Potter since before graduation. He had mysteriously disappeared along with his friends right before the ceremony, and Lily had been surprised to find she missed him there. She was certain that his presence would have brought a sense of fun to an otherwise stiff and formal occasion. Missing him soon turned to irritation; did he think himself too cool to come to his own graduation? Had he gotten expelled days before finishing school because of one of his stupid pranks? Only later did she find out the real reason he had missed the ceremony, a reason that replaced her irritation with guilt.

Many times, she had tried to write him a letter, but she hadn’t known what to say. Every word she wrote felt empty, unable to properly convey the real sadness she felt for him. It was true that her relationship with James Potter was complicated, and had only recently approached anything close to civility. Still, whatever rocky history they shared, she would never have wished for him to lose his parents. 

If that was him on the street, how could she face him? She had sent him no condolences, and she still wasn’t sure what to say.

It must have been someone who looked like him, she told herself. There was no way he would be in this muggle town at the same time as her. She couldn’t be that unlucky. For a few minutes, Lily busied herself with looking at postcards. 

“Nice, aren’t they?” her mother said.

Lily didn’t tell her mother that she preferred ones with pictures that moved. Instead, she nodded her agreement and placed the picture of a castle much like Hogwarts back on the shelf.

“Can we go yet?” Petunia asked, smiling between clenched teeth.

Lily took a deep breath and followed her family out the door, just as James Potter walked by. 

He did a double take, then pulled Sirius to a stop. “Evans?”

She meant to say something eloquent, something involving condolences. 

Instead, she said, “What are you doing here?”

She felt her face flush.

“Oh.” He looked taken aback. “A… vacation, I suppose.”

“I didn’t think this was a popular holiday destination for people like us.”

Petunia elbowed her, looking around nervously. “Lily.”

James seemed to notice her family for the first time. “You must be Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Petunia.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily said. “I’m being so rude. Mom, Dad, Petunia… this is James Potter and Sirius Black.”

To Lily’s complete humiliation, her mother said, “I’ve heard a lot about you both. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” James said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Ah, yes,” her father said. “You were head boy, weren’t you?”

James nodded. “That’s right.”

“Look,” Lily said quickly. “I heard about… I’m so sorry about…”

James grimaced. “Don’t. Please. I… I actually came here to get away from all that.”

An awkward silence fell between them. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sirius said. “We’ll be off, then.”

“No,” her mother said. “You should join us for dinner.”

Petunia looked horrified.

“Yes,” her father agreed. “We’re just staying at the bed and breakfast down the street. Meet us there at six?”

James and Sirius exchanged a look. Based on Sirius’s carefully blank expression, Lily was sure that they were about to politely decline. 

“We’d love to,” James said. “Thank you.”

Lily’s heart sank.


	2. Chapter 2

While Petunia complained bitterly all afternoon (“This is a family vacation. Shouldn’t it be just the four of us?”), Lily spent that time bracing herself for the collision between her two worlds. It was surreal to imagine James and Sirius at the same dinner table as her family, simply because her muggle and magic lives didn’t often overlap. James and Sirius being here in a muggle town felt unfair; it was invasive. As strange as it was for Lily to find herself agreeing with Petunia, she didn’t want them at dinner either.

“Well, we can’t uninvite them!” her mother said, throwing her hands up in the air.

At six o’clock, Lily waited outside of the bed and breakfast with her family, her anxiety steadily mounting. Witches and wizards weren’t known for conforming to muggle fashion sense. She didn’t recall Sirius and James wearing anything too embarrassing on the street, but what if they changed into something ridiculous for dinner, like pyjamas? She dreaded what Petunia would say then.

It wasn’t that she was ashamed, she told herself. Neither part of her was shameful, not the muggle or the magical. After all, she longed for the wizarding world while she was away from it, just as she guarded parts of her muggle life jealously. Her family wasn’t something she should hide away, nor was her life as a witch. Still, this dinner, she knew, would only serve to highlight the plight of a muggleborn witch. In trying to hold onto both parts of herself, muggle and magical, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she truly belonged to neither. At least when she kept her identities separate, she could pretend that she belonged somewhere.

Five minutes passed, then ten.

“Late,” Petunia sniffed. “How rude.”

She was dressed all in white. Ever since her engagement, Petunia’s wardrobe seemed to have mysteriously morphed into white, as if by magic.

“Maybe they aren’t coming,” Petunia added hopefully.

Lily didn’t share her optimism. Based on how often James and Sirius had wandered late into class, she suspected they would still come.

“We’ll give it another few minutes,” her father said.

Even as he spoke, James and Sirius appeared at the end of the street. They’d been running, but now that the Evans family was in sight, they slowed to a walk. Lily looked them up and down, relieved to see that besides being dressed at varying levels of formality, they could easily pass as muggles. Sirius wore a black leather jacket, and James had changed into a button down shirt that looked quite formal, or would have, had his hair been less messy. James was holding a small bouquet of flowers, which was in disarray thanks to James’s running; some flowers were visibly missing petals, and several of the stems were broken so that the flowers dangled sadly.

“Sorry we’re late,” he said between gasping breaths. 

He held the bouquet out to Mrs. Evans, who took it with a warm smile.

“I’ll just put these in our room, and then we’ll go,” she said.

“We’re in a hotel,” Petunia muttered. “It’s not like we have a vase to put them in. They’ll just die.”

James’s own smile slipped, and Lily shot Petunia a dirty look.

“Lily can conjure a vase,” Sirius said.

Petunia winced, and from the slow smirk spreading across his face, Sirius had noticed. Lily felt her heart sink.

After some awkward small talk, Mrs. Evans came back, and their group made their way towards the restaurant.

“It’s a lot like Hogsmeade, isn’t it?” James said, looking around with interest.

Lily frowned at him, unsure if he was joking. “Not at all.”

“It looks similar.”

“It’s nothing like Hogsmeade.”

“Why?”

“There’s no magic,” she said.

James shrugged. “Makes it interesting. I think I could spend weeks here and still find new things.”

“Speak for yourself,” Sirius said.

Lily still wasn’t sure if James was making fun of her. Then something in a muggle shop window caught his eye, and his face lit up, and she realized that he may actually be telling the truth.

Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him away. “I’ve been dealing with this all day, Evans. All day. I’ve had to keep him from spending his life savings… not that he could, since we don’t really understand the money…”

“Perhaps you can help us?” James said hopefully. 

It was such a relief to see James acting more like himself that Lily found herself agreeing.

The restaurant was on the edge of town. It was a beautiful summer’s evening, and so the six of them sat outside, in a back garden filled with flowers and shimmering candlelight.

Lily’s parents sat at either end of the table, and Lily sat beside James, while Petunia sat beside Sirius. This meant that Lily had a full view of Petunia’s scowl, before she hid her face behind the menu. As Lily slid onto the bench besides James, her eyes were drawn to his back. Was it her imagination, or had his shoulders broadened since she had last seen him? Perhaps it was simply that he was wearing muggle clothing, which showed his form more fully than his usual robes. She tore her eyes away and focused on her menu instead, hoping that the heat colouring her cheeks would go unnoticed.

Despite the beautiful evening, the garden was nearly deserted. This was fortunate, because the first words out of her father’s mouth would have seemed strange to any muggles.

“What made two wizards choose somewhere so normal as a vacation spot?” he asked.

“I closed my eyes and pointed at a map,” Sirius said with a grin. 

By the time they ordered food and drinks, Lily felt that things were actually going rather well. Mr. Evans and Sirius were now talking (over Petunia) about motorbikes, while Mrs. Evans was asking James about quidditch, who was responding with great enthusiasm.

Lily should have known it was too good to last. A glass of wine in, the conversation began to—at least in Lily’s eyes—decline.

“I hope you won’t find this question rude,” Mr. Evans said, “but can’t a wizard heal eyes with magic?”

James looked momentarily taken aback, but then he said, “from what I understand, eyes are too delicate for magic to tamper with.”

“It’s a branch of healing that’s still being developed,” Lily added.

“He’s lying,” Sirius whispered loudly to Mrs. Evans. “He wears them for style only.”

Everyone—except for Petunia—laughed.

“It’s so nice to meet friends of Lily’s,” Mrs. Evans said. “Lily doesn’t bring them around too often. We were started to think she was embarrassed of us.”

“Of course not, Mum,” Lily said quickly, ignoring the look of surprise James sent her way.

“We’ve met a few friends over the years,” Mr. Evans said. “Marlene, Severus...”

“Severus?” Sirius repeated with a scoff. “Snape?”

“Haven’t seen him for some years now. Lily and Severus had a falling out, although she won’t tell us why,” Mr. Evans said.

“Because he’s a filthy, muggle-hating-”

Lily kicked Sirius under the table, but the damage was done.

“Muggle-hating?” echoed Mrs. Evans. She looked at Lily worriedly. “Oh no. Lily, you didn’t tell us that you stopped being friends with Severus because of us.”

There was a moment of awkward silence.

“It wasn’t just because of you,” she assured her mother. “He hates all muggles and loves dark magic.”

“Is this a common view?” Mr. Evans said, all earlier joviality gone. 

James and Sirius were now both looking at her perplexed expressions. She desperately hoped that they would keep their mouths shut.

“No. Definitely not.”

To her great relief, while both Sirius and James looked like they were biting their tongues, they stayed silent.

Petunia interrupted with a shrill laugh. “I always knew he was no good.”

“Petunia,” Mrs. Evans said warningly.

Dinner arrived, and that particular nightmare of a conversation ended, only to be replaced with a new disaster.

“I hope you’ll indulge me once more,” Mr. Evans said. “I’m just always curious about a wizard’s career. What do your parents do?”

Sirius and James exchanged a look.

“My parents sit around on old money and do shit all,” Sirius said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. “I suppose if you can call being racist snobs a career, they do it quite well.”

Petunia’s eyebrows were almost at her hairline. 

“My parents were potioneers,” James said. 

“Were?” Mr. Evans asked.

“They died in June.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Evans said quietly.

James’s eyes were bright. “Thank you.”

“I’d like to return your question,” Sirius interrupted. 

James shot him a grateful look.

“What do muggles do for a career?” Sirius asked.

Her parents looked taken aback.

“I’m an accountant,” Mrs. Evans said.

“What’s that?” 

Petunia choked on her dinner. When she had recovered, she scornfully asked, “You don’t know what an accountant is?” 

“No,” Sirius said, looking at Petunia with extreme dislike. 

“Neither do I,” added James.

Mrs. Evans hid a smile. “Oh, it’s not very interesting, really. I deal with finances. Does this mean that wizards do their own taxes?”

“Magic helps,” James said. 

“I work at a bank,” Mr. Evans said.

There was another awkward silence, this time with James and Sirius looking at Mr. Evans oddly.

“Oh for goodness’ sake,” Petunia said, rolling her eyes. “Do you not have bankers in the wizarding world either?”

“No, we do. Just, they’re usually goblins,” James said matter-of-factly.

Mr. Evans’s face went red, and for a moment, Lily thought he would lose his temper. Instead, he laughed.

“Goblins,” he repeated. “Goblins!”

“What are you doing now that you’ve graduated?” Mrs. Evans asked. “Lily is very vague about her plans, and now I know that careers aren’t secret in the wizarding world, you’ll all have to tell me, including you, Lily.”

“Well, Lily could do anything she wants,” James said, giving Lily a smile that made her feel strangely warm inside. “She was so good at every subject. She’s probably not telling you what she’s doing because it’s top secret, like she’s going to be the youngest Minister for Magic.”

Lily was spared having to answer by the worst possible means.

“Magic?” the waiter said from behind them.

Her hand immediately went to her wand in her skirt pocket. Oh God, was she going to have to obliviate the waiter later?

“I’m a magician,” Lily said, struggling to remain calm. “There’s a position for head magician at the circus-”

Sirius snickered.

“If you believe in magic, you must know about the legend of the stones,” the waiter said with a wink, ignoring her desperate attempts to justify her strange conversation.

“Stones?” she said.

“At Craigh na Dun, there’s a magical stone circle. They say magical things happen there, that time is thin there.”

Sirius was now shaking with suppressed laughter.

Suddenly, Petunia stood. 

“I, for one, have heard enough nonsense for one night,” she said coolly. 

“Don’t be rude,” Mr. Evans said. 

They had a silent standoff, and Petunia sat back down, her face white. The waiter muttered a rushed apology and assured them he would bring the bill promptly.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing that stone circle,” Sirius said. “Maybe we could even have a circus performance, Evans?”

James snorted.

“Yes, you should all go,” Mrs. Evans said. “Make a night of it.”

Lily considered. After the many disasters of the dinner conversation, she was feeling reckless.

“Yeah,” she said. “Why not? You up for it, Potter?”

He smiled crookedly. How had she never properly noticed that he had dimples when he smiled?

“With you? Always.”


	3. Chapter 3

Lily’s parents let them take their car, a well-loved vehicle that had seen better days. The seats were faded and worn, and the floor needed a good vacuum. Lily was acutely aware of its flaws as she climbed into it, especially since she knew that James and Sirius came from such wealthy families.

Her parents had insisted Petunia come along, and so Petunia sat in the front beside her, stiff and angry. As Lily started the engine, she could see Petunia forcefully drumming her fingers along her bony knee. 

“Whoa,” James said, as the car rumbled to life.

Lily glanced back at him in the rear view mirror. Dressed as pristinely as he was, he looked out of place in the old car. “Have you never been in a car before? I thought the ministry uses cars.”

“My family doesn’t. Didn’t.”

“My family wouldn’t be caught dead in a muggle contraption,” said Sirius. 

Lily was surprised to see that both looked nervous.

“Erm, Evans… don’t people die in these things?” James asked. 

“Sometimes,” she admitted, pulling away from the curb.

“Brilliant,” James said faintly. 

“And Lily’s a new driver,” Petunia added, a malicious note in her voice. “If anyone would kill us, it’s a new driver.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Lily said.

The scenic Scottish countryside rolled by as they left the town. In consideration of her nervous passengers, Lily drove extra carefully, nearly following the speed limit rather than her usual speed. Even so, by the time they reached Craig na Dun, both James and Sirius were quite pale. 

“Good work, Evans,” James said, clambering out of the vehicle. 

“See? That wasn’t so bad.”

He smiled weakly. “I think I prefer a broomstick.”

Petunia let out a noise of disgust.

“Why did you learn to drive?” Sirius asked. “You’re a witch. Surely you don’t have to-”

“It seemed like a good thing to know how to do, especially coming from a muggle family,” she said shortly. 

Together, they climbed the hill, Petunia trailing behind.

“This is going to ruin my shoes!”

Lily looked and saw that Petunia was wearing white high heels.

“Why didn’t you say something? We could have waited for you to change your shoes,” Lily said. 

Petunia’s expression soured. “I didn’t expect to climb a dirty hill!”

“We can switch shoes, if you’d like?” 

“I don’t want your ugly shoes.”

“Your sister’s a real piece of work,” Sirius muttered to her. 

She frowned at him. “Don’t insult my sister.”

Sirius held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, fine.”

“I suppose you’ll just leave me behind, then?” Petunia’s shrill voice sounded from further down the hill.

“We’ll meet you there,” Lily said with a sigh, turning back.

“Nah, I’ll help her,” Sirius said. “I imagine you could use a break from her.”

It was an unexpectedly kind offer, and Lily was taken aback.

“Thank you,” she said.

As Sirius walked back to Petunia, Lily and James continued up the hill.

“So, this place is magic,” James said. “Time is thin… what do you suppose that means?”

“Ghosts? Time travel?”

“If you could travel back in time, where would you go?”

Lily considered. “I’d go back to my first day at Hogwarts.”

“Why?” 

Lily shrugged. “Magic was so full of possibilities and wonder then. It was before I knew about any of the bad stuff in the wizarding world, so it was exciting to know that I could do magic, that the possibilities were endless.”

James looked at her with a furrowed brow. “So you’re disillusioned with magic now?”

“No, I still love it. I wouldn’t trade being a witch for anything.”

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could speak. 

“What about you?”

“I would go back to two months ago and give my mum one more hug.” His voice caught on the last word, and he had to take a moment to collect himself. 

“James…”

“What are you planning to do after your vacation?”

They had reached the stones, but Lily’s attention was entirely on James. 

“What?”

“I don’t buy this nonsense about you not knowing what you’re doing.” When she didn’t answer, he said, “You’re planning to fight, aren’t you? Against You-Know-Who. Dumbledore recruited you?”

She nodded.

“Me too,” he said simply. 

She blinked at him. “Really?”

“You’re surprised.”

“Well, yes. They’re targeting people like me, like my family. I have to fight, to make the world safe for people like us. You don’t.”

“Just because I’m not personally affected doesn’t mean I don’t care. What they’re doing is wrong.”

“That’s noble of you.” She was surprised to find she meant it. 

“I can’t be an arrogant toerag all the time. It would get tiresome.”

She grinned. “I did call you that, didn’t I?”

“Yes. Deserved it, too.”

“It’s a good thing we got here when we did. It’s getting dark. Any later and we wouldn’t be able to see the damn stones,” Sirius said from behind them.

Lily and James both jumped. 

Although it was dim now, Lily could easily see the fury on Petunia’s face. She had taken off her shoes, and carried them punched between her fingers. The white was ruined.

James pulled out his wand. “Wouldn’t want you to face your fear of the dark Sirius,” he joked. “Lumos.”

Petunia shrieked as a light appeared at the end of James’s wand. 

“Can’t you put that away?” she snapped. 

Stumbling, she tripped and fell flat on the muddy ground.

“No!” she wailed, pulling herself up to see her stained dress. 

Sirius burst out laughing, and James joined in. Lily rushed to help Petunia. With a cry of rage, Petunia shoved Lily to the ground as well. The laughter abruptly stopped. 

“You’re such a freak,” Petunia shouted. “I can’t believe I had to come along with you! I can see the way you and Potter are looking at each other. I bet you can’t wait to abandon me somewhere so you can play his slut for the night-”

At first, Lily was too stunned to react, but she quickly found that her patience was at its end. Without thinking, she pulled out her wand.

“How dare you call me that!”

Petunia flinched away, and Lily suddenly realized what she was doing, pointing a wand at a defenceless muggle, at her sister. 

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry…”

“Lily…” James said.

There was something in his voice that scared her. She followed his gaze, and suddenly, every thought left her head, replaced by panic. 

The dark mark was visible in the distance, in the town where she had left her parents. 

This time, speed limits were forgotten. As soon as the four of them had made it down the hill, Lily started the engine and sped off towards the town. They drove in silence, broken only by Petunia’s steady sobbing. 

It was a ghost town, now. Anything that had taken place there that evening was over, and only carnage remained. Broken glass littered the ground. Furniture and books and souvenirs were strewn across the street. It was impossible to keep from stepping on things. Lily walked over the remnants of postcards, the shattered glass of snow globes and windows. 

All the lights were out, besides the light of the dark mark. Lily, James, and Sirius lit their wands, and Petunia followed, any protest against magic forgotten in the face of this war zone.

And the bodies. They were everywhere. No wounds, just faces contorted in shock. People in pyjamas mostly, roused by the violence in the streets. 

Lily ran when they reached the street of the bed and breakfast. No, no, they couldn’t be dead. They were hiding in their room. They had to be.

But the inn was silent. She knew what she’d find, even before she made it to the room. The inn’s door hung open, swinging with a creak in the light breeze. In and out, like a breath. But Lily couldn’t breathe. No, no…

They lay on the floor beside each other. She had hoped they would look peaceful, but the surprise was clear on their faces. It seemed like an innocent expression: why would these people hurt us? 

Why didn’t you warn us, Lily? Why didn’t you tell us that there were people like this?

She was on her knees beside them, and she was almost surprised that the inhuman wail in the room was coming from her. Suddenly, arms were wrapped around her, and she was crying on James’s shoulder. He was warm and solid and comforting, something she could hold onto when everything was falling apart.

She thought things were too fractured to be broken further, but then Petunia’s voice sounded from behind her, cold and calm. If Lily’s grief was a hurricane, Petunia’s was a glacial lake. 

“This is your fault.”

“Shut up,” Sirius hissed at her.

Petunia ignored him. Before Lily could react, Petunia began to hit her, hard.

“This is your fault, you freak!”

Lily sobbed harder as Sirius pulled Petunia away.

“I can make you forget,” she said through her sobs. “I’ll make you forget this happened… there’s a spell.”

“There’s no spell in the world that will let me forgive you,” Petunia spat. “You can take your freak spells and change my head, but I will always hate you.”

“But we’re sisters. We’re all each other has now-”

“I have Vernon. All you have is yourself.”

“But… I thought you loved me…” Her voice came out small, hesitant.

“How could I ever love a monster like you.”

Petunia left.

“Wait…” Lily sobbed. “Please, come back…”

But James held her back. “She’s not worth it, Lily.”

Lily elbowed him, hard, and ran, but Petunia was already gone. Disappeared, as if she had used the magic she so despised. 

Only magic could help Lily now.

“I need time,” she realized. 

The car was gone. Petunia had to have taken it. But Lily was a witch.

“Lily, wait-” James shouted.

She apparated.

In the dark, the stones loomed over her. She approached the nearest one. As she drew nearer, she could hear a strange ringing, growing louder and louder. A crack sounded from behind her, followed by another. She cursed internally; how had James and Sirius found her so quickly?

“Take me back,” she sobbed. “Take me back…”

She placed a hand on a stone, and suddenly, with a lurch, she was gone. She closed her eyes against the flashes of light and movement. Finally, she felt the shaking stop.

She opened her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

James sprinted up the hill to the stones, Sirius on his heels. Earlier in the evening, with Lily at his side, it had seemed like a very small hill. Now, it seemed to have doubled in size, at least.

“James, why didn’t you apparate us to the top of the bloody hill?” Sirius panted.

“I remembered this part better,” James said. “I didn’t want to get splinched.”

Sirius muttered something under his breath, but James ignored him. 

Of course he remembered this part of the hill better, James thought. After Lily had started talking to him, he had entirely forgotten that he was on a scenic hill in Scotland. He had forgotten to look around at the scenery, because its beauty couldn’t compare to Lily. Nothing every could. She had a way of making him forget everything. For a moment this evening, he hadn’t been newly-orphaned James Potter; he had just simply been a man deeply in love with a beautiful witch.

He could hear her crying, and he ran even faster, but when he reached the top, he skidded to a stop.

There was no one there.

Lily’s sobs had been silenced; now the only sounds were the distant sirens mingling with the wind rustling in the trees. 

“Lily!” James shouted.

He ran through the stones, expecting to see a glimpse of her. It was strange to imagine her hiding so resolutely from them at a moment like this, but stranger was to accept reality: she had disappeared.

“She must have apparated,” Sirius said, watching James search.

“We would have heard it,” James replied.

He paused in front of a stone. It looked old, its surface worn almost smooth by time. Moss covered its crevices. It looked unremarkable, but there was only one answer to Lily’s mysterious disappearance.

“She’s gone back in time,” James said quietly.

Sirius groaned. “James, that’s just a muggle fairytale. There’s nothing magical about a bunch of rocks.”

James put a tentative hand towards the stone. A strange ringing filled his ears; James froze.  
“Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

Sirius watched him, looking alarmed.

James moved his hand closer, and the ringing grew louder-

“Stop!” Sirius jerked him away from the stones.

“What- Sirius!”

“If those are magical stones that take you back in time, are you really sure you want to go?” Sirius snapped. 

James shot him a crooked smile. “Come on, Padfoot. I didn’t think you were the sort to avoid adventure!”

“There’s no guarantee we’ll end up where Lily went, and there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to get back. Are you sure you want to risk that for some girl?”

James stared. “It’s not just some girl. It’s Lily.”

“Who may not feel the way you feel about her,” Sirius said, his voice unusually sharp.

James shrugged. “The past can’t be any worse than the present, can it? And even if Lily doesn’t have feelings for me, I can’t just abandon her.”

He breathed out a quick breath. “Okay…”

His hand shot out and touched the stone, and just like that he disappeared.

Alone on the hilltop, Sirius stared at the place where his best friend had been. James, the person he cared about more than anyone. 

“You idiot,” Sirius muttered. 

If James would follow Lily anywhere, then Sirius would follow too.

“Shit,” he said.

He placed his own hand on the stone.

*

The first thing Lily noticed was the silence. Her shuddering breaths seemed magnified in the quiet, which was suddenly absolute. Sirens had pierced the night air only seconds ago, a horrible reminder of the utter carnage Lily had fled from. Even the trees had gone silent; the breeze that had been pulling at her hair all night had stopped. 

She climbed to her feet, her legs trembling. She had never seen so many stars. No distant lights bled into the night sky.

Her heart sank. These were no small changes, but rather the changes of decades at the very least.

She wiped at her damp cheeks with shaking hands. A sob caught in her throat.

She could try to go back through the stones, but what good would that do her parents? Perhaps there were some witches and wizards nearby who knew more about the stones, in whatever time this was. Perhaps they could help her travel somewhere with more accuracy, and then she would be able to save her parents.

“Lumos,” she whispered.

In the pale wandlight, she could see that the ground, which had been so muddy only minutes ago, was now perfectly dry. She looked out at the trees, which cast long, sinister shadows down the hill. They seemed thicker than they had in her own time.

She took a deep breath, and began to walk down the hill. She would go towards the town where her parents had died—would die?—and hope that it existed in this time, and that there were wizards and witches there. If there weren’t, perhaps she would be able to find Hogsmeade, although she didn’t dare try to apparate there. Not knowing when in time she was, she had no idea how different these places might be from her own time, which made apparating risky. She didn’t want to get splinched, especially when she was all alone.

A fresh tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. It was her own fault that she was stranded in a strange time utterly alone, and there was no point crying about it. She had to focus on her goal; if she thought about what had happened tonight, or about the mess she was in, she would fall apart.

Suddenly, a footstep sounded behind her, and she whirled around with a gasp. Her wand illuminated a very familiar man. At first, she could only stare, disbelieving, but relief soon replaced her shock. What did it matter if they were no longer friends? Here was a familiar face in a world where everything else was foreign.

“Severus,” she breathed.

Before she knew what she was doing, she had thrown her arms around him, and she was crying into his bony shoulder.

He shoved her away, hard, although he kept an iron grip on her wrist.

“Let go. You’re hurting me,” she said, trying to extricate herself from his grip.

“How do you know my name?” he said coldly.

“I’ve only known you since we were kids,” she said. “Come on, Sev, this isn’t funny…”

She was starting to panic. How stupid of her to greet Severus as if they were still friends, just because she was scared.

“I’ve never met you before, Miss…”

“Lily.” 

He continued to look at her, his dark eyes flat and cold.

“Lily Evans,” she said angrily. “Which you know. Now let go of me, or I will hex you into-”

“Expelliarmus,” he said.

Her wand flew out of her hand and landed somewhere in the grass behind her.

She felt the blood drain from her face. She hadn’t actually intended to hex him, because she had never imagined that he would hurt her, despite his fascination with the dark arts. Evidently, she had been wrong.

He was still holding onto her with a tight grip, and now he was starting to smile, a cruel expression.

“Well, well,” he said quietly. “I was beginning to think I’d been set up.”

For the first time, Lily really looked at him, beyond just the features that so resembled her former friend. His hair, while still oily, was tied back in a style more similar to Sirius than Severus. His face was older, marked by lines that hadn’t been there when she saw Severus only months ago. Strangest of all was his clothing, which looked like they were out of a period drama, but with muggle graduation robes thrown over top. 

“You aren’t Severus Snape,” she realized.

He sneered. “No, I’m Severus Prince. What sort of name is Snape? Muggle, I presume?”

The way he said muggle made her shiver. It was filled with an intense hatred.

She brought her knee up between his legs, hard. With a groan, he finally loosened the grip on her arm as he doubled over. Lily ran towards her wand, but Severus Prince recovered too quickly. She felt her limbs snap together, and she fell to the ground face first. 

A foot hooked under her torso and turned her onto her back. Severus loomed over her, his expression murderous. 

“Evans. I don’t know any witches or wizards with that name.”

She looked up at him with frightened eyes.

“I’d like you to tell me where the others are,” he said, kneeling beside her.

He brushed a stray hair from her cheek, and even in a magical body bind, Lily felt herself shudder.

“You’re very pretty, Lily Evans,” he said. “Such a waste on a filthy mudblood like you.”

He looked towards her feet, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Even have mud on your filthy shoes. How on earth did you manage that?”

In a sudden flash of movement, he brought his boot down hard upon her arm. She screamed as she felt it break.

“I will say one thing for muggles, though,” he said conversationally, as if he hadn’t just broken her arm. “Their torture methods are far more interesting. I mean, I could use crucio…”

He flicked his wand, and she screamed again.

“Where are the others?” he snarled.

“I don’t… know what… you’re talking about,” she gasped.

“The other mudbloods trying to flee to Scotland!” When she didn’t answer, he said, his voice cold and calm once again, “Would you like me to break your other arm?”

*

“Well, I don’t see Lily,” Sirius said, looking around in an exaggerated gesture. “At least you and I got to the same time.”

James looked around as well, his heart sinking. 

“She has to be here,” he said.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. 

“She does,” James insisted.

Sirius sighed and crossed his arms. “Can we go home yet?”

James moved towards the trees, lighting his wand with a quiet incantation. 

“When do you reckon we are?” he asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Who cares?”

A scream of pain pierced the still night air. Without thinking, James ran towards the sound.

“Lily!” 

Another scream followed the first, much closer now. Finally, his wandlight fell upon two people, and his blood ran cold. Lily lay very still on the ground, so still and stiff that he was afraid that she might be dead. A figure stood over her, straddling her, his wand pointed directly at her.

He murmured an incantation, and suddenly Lily was trying to crawl away, one arm cradled to her chest.

“It’s more fun to see you squirm,” a voice said, the cold baritone strangely familiar. 

He lifted his wand arm again.

“Expelliarmus!” James shouted.

The man’s wand flew out of his grasp, and he whirled around. James could only stare, because the hooked nose in that sneering face, that greasy hair, those eyes—flat and emotionless like a shark’s—were all too familiar.

“Snape?”

Quickly, his surprise at seeing his old nemesis was replaced by a cold fury. He had always suspected that Snape harboured some attraction for Lily, and to see him standing over her like that, in such a repulsively predatory way, turned his stomach. To make it even worse, this was Lily’s former friend, someone she used to trust… and he had hurt her, when she was at her most vulnerable after losing her parents. If Snape was here, it was possible he had even been involved in the attack on her parents.

With a shout, James threw a spell at Snape. With no wand, Snape didn’t stand a chance. A cut blossomed across his arm, and blood darkened his robes to an even darker shade of black. He brought his hand to the cut and took it away, looking almost surprised to see his fingers stained scarlet.

James didn’t want to see surprise. He wanted to see some sort of proper reaction: fear, perhaps. With a flick of his wand, he turned Snape upside down, then dropped him to the ground, where he crumpled in a heap. In this case, James realized that magic wasn’t enough for him. Snivellus Snape deserved a solid punch in his ugly face.

And so, James knelt beside him and hit him, hard. When Snape only smiled, James hit him again.

“James, stop!”

Lily’s voice drew him away from Snape and back to the present. He raised his head to see about a dozen wands pointed towards him, Sirius, and Lily. It was a number impossible to win against, and so James dropped his wand. Beside him, a low laugh rumbled out of Snape’s throat. When James turned to look at him, he could see his nose was swollen and his teeth were stained with blood, giving him a particularly feral look.

“I am going to destroy you, mudblood.”


	5. Chapter 5

James was forced roughly away from Snape. A grim-looking wizard bound his hands together with a flick of his wand, while another did the same to a scowling Sirius. Only Lily was left with her hands free, presumably because her arm was too broken to bother with. She cradled her left arm with her right hand, her face pale and drawn. Still, when he caught her eye, she attempted to offer him a small smile.

Before he could try to talk to her, one of their captors took hold of him and apparated away. When James opened his eyes, he could see a form in the distance, familiar even in the dark. Usually, the castle had many windows ablaze with light, even at night (a fact James was all too familiar with, after seven years of sneaking out at all hours), but tonight, only a few, solitary windows spotted the castle with their light. It was early August, James reminded himself, so no students would be up late studying or making mischief. But even without its characteristic glow, seeing it felt like coming home. Despite the grim circumstances, James was comforted, because what harm could really come to them at Hogwarts?

With a series of cracks, the other witches and wizards from the hill appeared one by one. Sirius tried to jerk out of a witch’s grasp without success; Lily swayed on her feet. The last to appear was Snape, who strode towards the castle, dabbing at his nose with a handkerchief. 

As James was pushed along behind him, he couldn’t help but think something very strange was going on. First of all, he had never seen Snape with a handkerchief before, never mind one black and lacy. For another, he had never seen Snape dressed so strangely. Also, if Snape was new back in this time, why did he appear to be the leader of this sinister group? And why, if Snape knew who he was, had Snape called James “mudblood”? Something wasn’t adding up.

The walk to the castle was a silent one, mostly because Sirius was gagged after an initial stream of insults directed at Snape. They walked through the gates, then into the castle. Their footsteps echoed strangely in the abandoned the entrance hall, which looked much the same as James was used to. If they were in a different time, Hogwarts didn’t show it.

Snape led the way down the stairs, deep into the heart of the castle, if “heart” could be used to describe a place so dismal as the dungeons. For the first time, James got the sense that they had travelled through time; Slughorn had done the impossible and made the dungeons—or at least the potions classroom—feel welcoming. No one had made any such attempt here. 

Their captors took them to a part of the dungeons James had never been in before, and he soon realized why. Here, there were no rooms suitable for classrooms. Instead, there were cells.

James, Sirius, and Lily were shoved unceremoniously into one of them. As the cell door locked behind them with an ominous click, James looked around the small space. It was large enough for the three of them, but barely. Besides themselves, there was nothing in the cell except for a bucket. 

As their captors left, James was grateful that they had left a torch lit. It crackled to itself on the wall across from the cell, and while it provided only minimal light, it was better than nothing.

Lily had wandered to the far wall, running her good hand along the stones.

“Someone’s carved things on the wall… names, dates… do you think they…?” Her voice started to tremble, and she abruptly stopped speaking.

Sirius made a muffled noise through his gag, looking exaggeratedly down at his hands, then back at Lily.

“Oh, right, sorry…”

“Lily…” James said quickly, but then paused. It would be stupid to ask how she was doing, when the answer was obviously “not well.”

“I’m fine,” she said, understanding the unspoken question.

She struggled one-handed with the ropes around Sirius’s wrists. Once freed, Sirius pulled away the gag.

“That was disgusting… tasted like someone’s old sock…” He spat through the bars. “Bloody mess we’re in.”

Lily sank down to the ground as Sirius freed James’s hands.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to…”

Once again, she was quiet, blinking hard. James sat down beside her, and Sirius slid down the wall to settle beside him.

“I can’t believe Snape is here,” Sirius muttered. “What shit luck that is.”

“He’s not,” Lily said. “His name is Severus Prince.”

James frowned. “Severus Prince…”

He was certain he had heard the name before, but where? After wracking his brains, he placed it; he was sure he had a distant memory of Professor Binns droning on about something in History of Magic class, and that name featuring prominently.

“Prince was Severus’s mother’s maiden name, so I think it could be his ancestor,” Lily added hesitantly.

“Makes sense,” Sirius muttered. “Apparently being a git runs in the family.”

Lily pursed her lips, and for a moment, James thought she might argue, but she said nothing.

“Severus Prince. History of Magic class. Sound familiar?” James said. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “No one stays awake for that class except for-”

“Me,” Lily finished. 

A deep furrow appeared between her eyebrows as she thought, an expression which James had always admired from afar because he thought it was cute. Now, the same thought came to his head, although he pushed it away, because this was certainly not the time to be thinking romantic thoughts about Lily. No matter how much he wanted to smooth the furrow with his thumb, they were in horrible danger, and she was hurt, and she may not even want him to touch her, anyway.

“Severus Prince,” she murmured. “Something to do with the 1700s, or the 1800s…”

“Thanks, Evans, that really narrows it down,” Sirius said.

She shot him a dirty look, before her face returned to its expression of concentration. “There were laws, weren’t there? Laws that were super discriminatory to muggleborns.”

James nodded slowly. “This is sounding familiar…”

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius said with a shrug. “The 1743 laws.”

Lily and James both stared at him.

He looked uncomfortable under their gazes. “My parents talked about the laws a lot. ‘The good old days’: that’s what they called the 1700s. Under those laws, muggleborn witches and wizards weren’t allowed in wizard society. Unless they were married to a pureblood witch or wizard, they were thrown out to muggle society, and many of them were burned by the muggles as a result.”

Horror was dawning on Lily’s face. “Yes… I’m remembering this now.”

“The English passed the law in 1743, but the Scots weren’t very happy with it,” Sirius continued. “They sent some English witches and wizards to enforce the law here.”

“And Severus Prince was one of them,” James finished grimly.

James remembered now. Severus Prince wasn’t the leader of the group, but he was the most notorious. His cruelty was enough for him to make it onto the pages of their history book multiple times, usually in connection to some horror, like torture or rape. Ironically, James recalled, while Severus Prince seemed to hate muggles and muggleborns, he had a fascination with their torture methods, leaning towards things like whips and chains and beatings over the cruciatus curse.

And they were currently at his mercy.

James’s stomach clenched. He looked at Lily, her eyes swollen, her arm at an awkward angle, her face tight with pain. Then he looked at Sirius, who was trying to appear nonchalant, but James could see the tension—the fear—underneath.

He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he did know one thing: James was going to protect his friends, or he was going to die trying.

*

Eventually, the torch burned out, and their quiet conversation turned to silence. All of them were afraid, Lily knew, but it had been a long, difficult day, and they were all tired. As the minutes passed, James’s breaths evened out, and his head came to rest on her shoulder. Lily stayed very still so she wouldn’t disturb him. 

Even earlier today, she never would have allowed something like this casual touch, but so much had changed over the course of a day. James had been there for her when her parents had died; he had, for some unknown reason, followed her through the stones. That night, despite her discomfort, despite her fear, she was grateful to not be alone. She was grateful to have friends with her. Who knew that she would ever consider Sirius Black and James Potter her friends?

Lily shifted to try to get more comfortable, and pain shot through her arm. She inhaled sharply.

“Alright, Evans?” Sirius whispered.

“I thought you were asleep.”

Sirius scoffed. “James can sleep anytime, anywhere. I can’t.”

“Me neither,” Lily said.

“Your arm looks like it hurts like a bitch.”

“You have no idea,” she said drily.

After a moment of hesitation, she said, “thank you. For following me, I mean.”

Sirius didn’t respond for several long seconds. 

“James really likes you, you know,” he said. 

She was glad that they were in the dark, because she felt her face flush.

“Oh,” she said, unable to think of something more articulate to say.

“Don’t break his heart,” Sirius said. “If you don’t have any feelings for him, you should tell him.”

She got the sense that he was done talking, and so she bit her tongue, even though it was hard. She wanted to tell Sirius that he was being unfair. Why would she be thinking about romance at a time like this? Her parents had just died, and she was back in a hostile time, and she was in pain. Even if she could sort out any feelings she had for James, romance was not her priority right now.

Sirius was just trying to protect his friend, she reminded herself. There was no point getting angry with him.

Soon, Sirius also fell asleep, leaving Lily feeling utterly alone. But the weight of James’s head, and his gentle breathing, comforted her. She closed her eyes, and could feel herself starting to slip off into sleep as well, when footsteps sounded down the hall.

James and Sirius jerked awake.

Severus Prince loomed in front of the bars. With the torch lit behind him, he was a hellish silhouette, his face obscured by shadow.

“Your trial will be tomorrow,” he said.

“Trial for what?” demanded Sirius. “Surely travelling to Scotland isn’t a crime.”

“For possessing wands as mudbloods, for one,” he said.

“James and I are purebloods, not that it matters,” Sirius snapped back.

While it was a reflexive remark, and a true one, Sirius neglecting to mention Lily felt like a blow.

Severus ignored this comment entirely. “And, for… James, was it? I’m afraid he’s in extra trouble,” he purred. “Attacking me, a high-ranking auror… that will come with extra punishment.”

His shadowed face twisted into a nasty smile. “Which will happen now.”

Before she had time to think about, Lily had moved in front of James. Sirius stepped into line beside her.

“No,” she said sharply. 

Severus let out a small laugh. 

“And what are wandless mudbloods going to do to stop me?”

He was right; there was nothing they could do but watch as James was dragged from their cell, leaving the two of them behind. Lily watched numbly as Sirius shook the bars of their cell, then kicked the heavy bucket in the corner. He swore passionately, holding his foot.

“Stop,” Lily said. “Hurting yourself isn’t going to help James.”

When Sirius turned to her, his eyes were filled with fury. “If anything horrible happens to him… well, just remember that you got us into this mess.”

Lily felt tears well in her eyes. She turned away so Sirius couldn’t see them.

Time passed agonizingly slowly. Lily began to pace, relishing the pain in her arm, because at least it was a distraction. When another set of footsteps approached, Lily and Sirius both ran to the bars.

“James!” Lily cried.

But even without seeing whoever approached, she knew it wouldn’t be him, because those weren’t James’s footsteps. These steps were light and rapid, almost scurrying. For the millionth time that night, Lily wished for her wand.

A young woman with dark hair stepped into view. She was beautiful in a severe way, with sharp features only emphasized by her hairstyle; her hair was tied into a tight bun, with no stray hairs at all, which was a feat that Lily thought had to be the result of magic. She was dressed in a dark red dress, with robes overtop. In one hand, she carried a lantern; in the other, her wand. Several more wands were tucked into her hair, and Lily immediately recognized one.

“That’s mine!”

The witch, while young, shot her a withering look that Lily expected to see from someone much older.

“Alohomora.”

The cell opened, and the witch put down the lantern to pass them their wands. Stunned, Lily accepted hers, gripping the smooth wood tightly.

“We’ll need to move quickly, while everyone is asleep,” the witch said, speaking with a thick Scottish accent.

Lily didn’t know why this witch was helping her, but she didn’t question it. Questions could come later.

“We can’t leave without James,” she said. 

“He’s with Severus Prince,” Sirius added.

The witch shook her head. “We’ll have to leave him.”

“No!” Lily and Sirius said together.

“Listen,” the witch said sharply. “I’m risking a lot to help you. I can’t reveal that I’m involved in this, do you understand? If we charge in on Severus Prince, he’ll know that I’m freeing muggleborns, and the entire operation will be compromised.”

“Then Sirius and I will charge in,” Lily said. “We’ll meet you somewhere.”

“This castle is hard to navigate when you don’t know it well,” the witch said.

“We know it well,” Sirius said.

The witch looked at them suspiciously. “How?”

“Long story,” Lily said.

“Do you know the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor?”

Sirius nodded. 

“I'll meet you there. If you aren’t there within the hour, I won’t be able to help you.”

At the end of the hall, Lily saw two bodies and faltered. “Are they dead?” she whispered.

“Yes,” the witch said shortly. 

As they followed her through the labyrinthine hallways of the dungeons, Lily tried not to think about how their lives were in the hands of a cold-blooded murderer. This woman had killed two wizards… but she had done it, Lily reminded herself, to save them.

With her wand back in hand, Lily felt braver. She would face Severus Prince again, and this time, she wouldn’t lose. 

“They’ll be down that hall,” the witch said, nodding down yet another dark hall that crisscrossed through the dungeons.

“Thank you,” Lily said.

“Don’t thank me yet. You’re doing a stupid thing, you know.” With a sweep of her cloak, the witch turned and hurried away.

“Ready?” Lily asked Sirius.

He ran a hand through his long hair, which had come loose during the events of the night.

“Let’s do this,” he said.

They crept down the hall, towards the one door with light slipping through the crack underneath. They shared a look—Sirius nodded—and Lily shoved the door open, pointing her wand inside.


	6. Chapter 6

Severus Prince wasn’t there. At first, Lily thought the room was empty, because all was so still. But as she took in the the room, her sense of foreboding grew. It was a terrible room when she looked closely at the details: the blood—some fresh, some old—staining the stone floor, the strange-looking instruments on the table, the chains that hung from various surfaces. It was chilling, and as her eyes lingered on the scarlet-stained stones, her stomach turned.

She saw James last. He was curled up in the corner, and at first, she didn’t recognize him, because James had been wearing white this evening, not red. And suddenly, Lily was sure he was dead, just like her parents, because he was too still, and that was a lot of blood-

“Prongs-” Sirius said, running towards him. “James… come on, mate, wake up…”

James let out a small groan, and Lily could breathe again.

“Can you walk?” Sirius asked.

“Yes,” James said, his voice slurred.

Lily and Sirius exchanged a skeptical look.

“Wand?” James muttered.

“I’ve got it,” Lily assured him.

“A little help, Evans?” Sirius panted, hoisting James to his feet.

Lily hurried over, but then Sirius’s eyes fixed on her broken arm. 

“Never mind,” he said. “Lead the way.”

James muttered something. 

“What?” Sirius asked. 

“He’s coming back,” James said hoarsely. “He said he’s coming back.”

James lifted his head to look at them, and Lily swallowed a gasp. One of James’s eyes was rapidly swelling shut, and blood had smeared across the lower half of his face, presumably from his nose, which looked broken. 

Lily took a subconscious step backwards, and something cracked underfoot: shards of broken glass and other twisted remnants of James’s glasses. She stared down at them, something in her stomach twisting. 

Then, finally, James’s words registered.

“Reparo,” she said quickly. 

Glass flew back into place; the frames straightened out. Lily snatched up the glasses and put them in her skirt pocket. She turned for the door, her heart in her throat, half-expecting to see Severus Prince lurking there already. She was faced with the empty darkness of the hall. The flickering torchlight of this torture chamber barely lit this room, never mind the passage beyond. 

As she faced that darkness, reality hit her hard. If Sirius was helping James, he would be of little help. It was up to Lily to get them out, to fight her way out, if need be. But there was no time to panic—James didn’t have time for her to panic—and so she let out a shaking breath and prepared to step into the hall-

The silence was broken by footsteps. Lily froze, feeling the blood drain from her face. She looked at Sirius, whose expression was twisted with horror, and at James, who let out a small moan.

Her heart began to beat at a frenzied pace. She could stay here and wait for Severus Prince to come into the room. But she would rather surprise him and start on the offensive. 

He was one wizard, she reminded herself. She could take him.

She darted out the door, her wand raised. In its light, she could see a surprised-looking Severus Prince. He started to raise his wand. With a cry, she threw a curse at him, which he only barely deflected. He quickly shot a spell back at her.

“Protego!” Lily shouted.

Severus’s face was contorted with hatred now. His spells came at her more rapidly, until deflecting them became more difficult. Neither spoke. This was now a matter of concentration, and whoever broke first would lose and face the consequences.

A spell flew over her shoulder in a blaze of light.

“Expelliarmus!” Sirius shouted.

As Severus blocked the new spell, Lily seized her opportunity. 

“Petrificus totalus!”

Severus Prince’s limbs froze, and he fell to the ground. 

There was a heavy silence, and Lily approached cautiously.

“Nice, Evans,” Sirius said.

“Thanks for the help,” she replied.

Severus’s dark eyes were unnervingly fixed on her. She tore her eyes away from that face, so much like her former friend’s.

“We should go.”

Sirius let out a noise of disbelief. “Go? We need to kill him.”

She stared. “You can’t mean that.”

“He’s an evil man,” Sirius said. “Look at what he did to James! And you actually listened during History of Magic. Think of all the people we could save if we kill him.”

He raised his wand, and Lily stepped between them.

“We can’t become murderers,” she said. “That makes us as bad as them. Mercy is what makes us different. It’s what makes us better.”

“That isn’t why you want us to keep him alive,” Sirius shot back. “It’s because of Snivellus.”

She lifted her chin. “Fine. We may save people if we kill Severus Prince, but we would kill more than him. That’s not fair.”

Sirius lifted his wand, his expression cold. “Lily, stand aside.”

She lifted hers too. “You want to fight me? Fine.”

“We don’t have time for this,” James said. “Sirius, just leave him.”

Sirius scowled. For a moment, Lily thought he would still try to curse her, but then he began to help James past the stiff form of Severus Prince. Lily kept her wand trained on Sirius the entire time, until the wand was trained on his back, and James’s-

Her stomach lurched. James’s shirt was ripped down the back, and cuts streaked across his back and shoulders. Severus Prince had whipped him.

Lily looked down at the still form of Snape’s ancestor.

“I may have let you live,” she whispered. “But if you hurt James again, I’ll kill you.”

Without a backwards glance, she ran to catch up with Sirius and James.

*

They ran into no one else, thanks to a few shortcuts through secret castle passageways.

“How do you know about all these?” Lily asked, as they climbed yet another set of stairs.

Sirius ignored her.

“Almost there,” Sirius muttered to James.

The witch was waiting by the statue, which Lily thought looked newer than the one she was used to. At the sight of them, the witch’s eyes widened.

“You made it,” she said. “Although not all in one piece.”

“Why did you ask us to meet here?” Lily asked.

“The front doors are guarded. This passageway is not.”

The witch murmured, “Dissendium.”

The statue opened, revealing the entrance to a passageway. Lily felt her jaw drop.

“I dare not go with you,” the witch said. “When they discover you gone, I want to be in my bed.”

“Thank you,” Lily said. “Who… why…”

The witch smiled a small smile. “My name is Maggie Ross. I’m a professor at Hogwarts, and I believe that the new laws are wrong. I help however I can.” She considered them. “I’m very curious about you three. Something tells me not all is what it seems. But we don’t have time for chitchat.

“This passageway will take you to the village of Hogsmeade, to my cousin’s shop. I’ve sent an owl, so she knows you’re coming. She’ll make sure you get somewhere safe."

“Thank you,” Lily said again. 

Maggie made a shooing motion with her hands. “Now, go. There’s no time to waste.”

They made their way into the tunnel, and the statue closed behind them with a quiet thud. 

*

Maggie’s cousin bore no resemblance to Maggie. Where Maggie was thin and serious-looking, Maggie’s cousin had a round, pleasant face that looked like it was used to smiling.

When she took in the sight of James, Sirius, and Lily, she was not smiling. 

“You poor things,” she said. “We’ll get you to help soon enough.”

Three witches and wizards were waiting in her living room. Lily eyed them warily.

One of the witches gently took hold of Lily’s unbroken arm. 

“Where are you taking us?” she asked.

“The Ferguson castle,” the witch replied.

Lily wanted to ask her more, but before she could, the witch had apparated, taking Lily with her. 

They were now on a small hill overlooking a castle a fraction of the size of Hogwarts. The sun was just starting to rise, painting the grey stones in a rosy warmth. Lily faced the castle with a mixture of fear and dread, but also with a comforting certainty that this castle couldn’t be any worse than the one she had left behind.

Their group made their way though the castle gates. The courtyard was deserted at this time in the morning, a fact that Lily was grateful for; she didn’t think she could deal with curious stares, not on top of everything else. She was tired and in pain and worried about James, and all she wanted was to have her arm healed and go to bed. 

She wondered why they had apparated outside of the castle, when it meant having to walk so much further. Then it occurred to her that, like Hogwarts, this castle probably had magic that prevented apparition; to not have such precautions would be foolish. This realization came only when she was in the castle, and she immediately regretted not thinking of it sooner. If she had been thinking, she would have taken James and Sirius and apparated back to the stones, rather than face being trapped in yet another potentially hostile environment.

Her grip tightened around her wand. 

At first, it looked like her wish for a healing and bed would be answered. They were taken to a small room. It was clearly some sort of infirmary, because there were several beds, several cauldrons suspended over a fireplace, and some strange instruments lying around, such as a needle and thread. The last one gave her pause, because why would such things be needed in a wizarding infirmary?

A pretty blonde witch stood in the corner, caught mid-yawn as they walked in. She was still in her nightdress and robe, as if she had just been roused out of bed. She started at the sight of them, then lit a fire in the fireplace with a quiet curse.

Sirius helped James onto a bed, then collapsed onto another bed with a groan. He buried his face in his hands. Gingerly, Lily sat beside him, on the far side of the mattress. She tried to ignore the way Sirius stiffened, and instead focused on James, who looked like he had passed out. Lily’s hand drifted to her pocket, where his glasses were.

She knew that their healer at Hogwarts could mend broken bones in seconds. This healer, however, seemed in no hurry. She passed Lily a potion.

“That’s for the pain.”

Lily took a large swallow, shuddering at the taste.

The witch took out her wand and tapped at Lily’s arm. Lily felt something in her arm begin to shift.

“It will take about a week to be back to normal,” the witch explained.

Lily started. “A week?”

“For now I’ll put it in a sling,” the witch said. 

The history of magical medicine had only been briefly covered in History of Magic, but Lily was started to have vague recollections from that unit. Magical medicine, she realized with dawning horror, hadn’t seen much innovation until the 1800s. Any spell to instantly fix her broken bone hadn’t been invented yet. And James…

“You’ll be able to help him, right?” she asked anxiously.

“Of course,” the witch said. “I’m starting with you because you’re easier. I’m still learning.”

Sirius looked at her with an expression of outrage, a sentiment Lily shared. “James needs help now,” Sirius growled.

The witch finished tying Lily’s arm into a sling and stood back. “There we go. Now, you rest. I’m sure you need it.” She turned to Sirius. “Are you any good with potions? My usual assistant is in bed.”

“Then wake him up!” Sirius snapped.

“I’m good with potions,” Lily said. 

The witch considered her. “Wouldn’t you rather be in bed?

Lily shook her head. “I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

The witch showed her a recipe for a potion to help with blood-loss (“I ran out yesterday”) and infection (“I knocked my supply over a couple days ago”) and began to clean up James. Lily determinedly turned to the cauldrons, finding some comfort in doing something that felt so familiar. She looked over the recipes, and immediately, her sense of comfort diminished. These recipes were terrible. 

“Problem?” the healer asked.

“No,” Lily said.

She looked through all of the available ingredients, and then improvised. 

“What are you doing?” demanded the healer.

Lily jumped, having not noticed her creeping up behind her. The image of the healer was even more disturbing given that she was holding a bloody needle and thread.

“Making the potions.”

“Neither of them calls for nettles!” the healer hissed.

Sirius jerked awake in his bed.

“It will work,” Lily promised.

The witch swore under her breath, but turned back to James.

After what felt like endless hours, the potions were brewed. They looked just about perfect, in Lily’s mind, but she supposed that time would tell. The healer looked at the potions, then at Lily, then back at the potions.

“These look good,” she said grudgingly. “How did you get this one so purple?”

Lily shrugged, grimacing as the movement jostled her arm.

“To bed with you,” the healer ordered.

Lily's head had barely touched the pillow before she was asleep, haunted by terrible dreams: her friend turned into a heartless monster, and James Potter being tortured at his hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything hurt. As James slowly regained consciousness, that was his one clear thought amidst the confusion. He couldn’t remember where he was, or why his back felt like it was on fire, or why is his face ached dully. Opening his eyes didn’t help, because everything was blurred, and he couldn’t remember where his glasses were.

He was lying on his stomach, and he realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. This realization only made him more nervous.

“…you have to tell me why you were dressed like that.”

This woman’s voice was not one he recognized. His breaths started to come more quickly.

“That was how we thought wizards and witches in Scotland dressed,” a woman said innocently.

Lily’s voice. James relaxed slightly. If Lily was here, sounding so collected, then surely everything was okay. 

“So none of you went to Hogwarts?” the other witch asked.

Lily hesitated, and the witch was quick to fill the silence.

“No, of course not. I would remember you. We can’t be that far apart in age?”

“We’re all eighteen.”

“I’m nineteen,” the witch volunteered cheerfully. “If you’re a muggleborn, where did you get your education? No one gets that good at potions on their own.”

“James and Sirius were homeschooled. I grew up near… James, and his parents taught me as well.”

“So James is pureblood?”

“Yes,” Lily said, a bit stiffly. “So is Sirius.”

“They must be good friends, to flee with you to Scotland.” 

The witch lingered a bit on the word “friends,” but Lily ignored the pointed question.

“Yes,” she said.

“They’re handsome young men,” the witch continued. “I can tell, even if one of their faces is smashed in.”

“I suppose.”

“I’m just wondering if one of them’s taken, is all.”

“Um… no.” Lily hesitated, then said, “You should go for Sirius. I hear he’s a better snog.”

That remark stung. It was stupid, James told himself, to get hurt feelings over a careless comment. But—the thought nagged at him—had Lily rejected him over the years partly because she thought he was a bad kisser?

“How did you get this position at nineteen?” Lily said, in an obvious attempt at a subject change.

“My father’s a friend of the Lord of this castle, Duncan Ferguson. I was interested in healing, and his healer had just died when I graduated.”

“Oh,” Lily said.

“You have a knack for potions, you know,” the witch said. “You’re much better than I am. I don’t suppose you’d consider being my work partner? I’m sure the castle could use a second healer.”

“Oh…” Lily sounded flustered now. “That’s very kind… but…”

“Come on,” she said. “Duncan won’t harbour fugitives forever unless they make themselves useful. What else would you want to do?”

Lily was quiet for a moment, and James waited for her to tell this witch that they were leaving soon, anyway. 

“I did always want to be a healer,” Lily said softly. “If things had been different, I think I…” 

“Then it’s settled.”

James shifted, trying to get more comfortable. To his embarrassment, a small groan slipped out as pain shot across his back.

“James?”

Suddenly, Lily was kneeling in front of him.

“You’re awake,” she said, sounding relieved. 

He squinted at her blurry face, hoping she would come more into focus. 

“Oh… I have your glasses,” she said. 

She made to pass them to him, and with difficulty, he moved his arm to take them. The movement made the skin of his back pull, and he breathed in sharply.

“I’ll do it,” Lily said quickly.

Carefully, she put his glasses on for him, and she came into focus, and all he could think was that she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. She was wearing a dress that laced at the front, in a shade of green that perfectly matched her eyes. It looked good on her, a thought that may have had a little to do with the fact that he had never seen her show so much cleavage before, although part was hidden by the sling that held her left arm. His eyes made their way across her face, taking in the details, from that one freckle on her nose to her full lips.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.  
There was that crease between her eyebrows again, and it was so cute that he felt the corners of his mouth twitch into a small smile.

“Fine.”

Someone cleared her throat, and James’s eyes finally found the other witch.

“James, this is Cait,” Lily said. “She’s the healer here.”

The witch—Cait—looked down at them with raised eyebrows. Cait had pointed features, and she was about the same height as Lily, which was to say short. Her nose was prominent, and her blonde hair stuck out in unruly curls. James supposed she was pretty enough, in an effortless sort of way, but he couldn’t help but compare her to Lily; Lily had become the measure he used for everyone. It wasn’t that Lily was perfect, but rather that she was made perfect through her imperfections. Lily wasn’t smiling now, but when she did, she revealed a gap between her front teeth, which he had once heard her tell her friend she’d like to fix, but that James had always thought made her smile even more beautiful. While Cait was pretty, did she have dimples when she smiled? Did Cait tuck her hair behind her ear when she was feeling shy? James could name at least a hundred more Lily-isms, and until someone could replicate them exactly, he knew he would only ever have eyes for her.

“She helped you after…” Lily trailed off.

James remembered his manners. “Thank you.”

“I’ll fetch Sirius,” Cait said. “I’m sure he’ll want to see you.”

She left, and neither Lily nor James spoke until the door had closed and her footsteps had retreated.

Lily’s hand flew to her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. Once again, James found himself smiling.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Um… what’s happened? Where are we?”

“We’re in the Ferguson castle. From what I understand, the lord of the castle, Duncan, has been taking in muggleborn witches and wizards fleeing the new laws in England. We’re here as his guests for now, until he finds somewhere for us to go. I think… the night we went through the stones, they were expecting some muggleborn witches and wizards to take a portkey there, and…”

“Someone tipped off Severus Prince,” James finished. “That’s bad. That means there’s a traitor here.”

“I know,” Lily said. “At least the other muggleborns arrived after us, and so they got away, which is good, I guess…”

“And at least we’ll be gone long before this traitor becomes a problem,” James added.

Lily suddenly became very quiet, and James had a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Right?”

The door burst open, and Sirius ran to them. 

“James! You’re alive!”

He knelt beside Lily, and James couldn’t help noticing the fact that he didn’t acknowledge her presence at all. Sirius was also dressed strangely, in something that could have been out of an old portrait on the walls of Hogwarts.

“Great. Now we can go home,” Sirius said. 

Lily spoke up, her voice quiet but firm. “No.”

Sirius shot her a disdainful look. “No? We need to get James to a proper healer, someone who can do more than sew him up with that muggle nonsense.”

“Yes,” Lily agreed. “You two should go.”

James didn’t like where this was going. “You want to stay?” he asked incredulously. “Lily, that’s crazy. If there was ever a worse time to be a muggleborn than 1978, it’s 1743. It’s a bad time to be a witch, too. They still burn witches in muggle villages. And Severus Prince is hunting us. Why would you ever want to stay here?”

“It doesn’t matter if I want to stay or not; I can’t go back,” Lily said. “I need to save my parents.”

James shot Sirius a look of confusion, wondering if he was following this strange leap in logic any better than he was. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“You’re right. 1978 is a shit time to be muggleborn. But you know why? Because this time in history set a precedent,” she said fiercely. “Do you remember in History of Magic how-”

“No,” Sirius said.

“Shh!” After shooting Sirius a dirty look, James turned his attention back to Lily. “Continue.”

“They passed discriminatory laws that lasted for fifty years,” Lily said. “People in our time still cite them as a reason to oppress muggleborns. But there was a battle in 1743… or 1744. The Scots disagreed with the laws, so they fought the English over them. And they lost. But imagine if they had won. Then there wouldn’t be the precedent for hatred towards muggleborns. Our time could be completely different. My parents could survive!”

“Your parents could not exist in the first place,” Sirius snapped. “If you tamper with history, you tamper with your own life, Evans. That’s risky magic.”

“Bit rich coming from you, Black. Weren’t you the one who said we should kill-”

“That bastard deserved it!” Sirius shouted.

“So you’re saying my parents ‘deserve’ to die?” she asked, her voice frosty.

“We’re leaving,” Sirius said, standing once again. “Have fun trying to survive in 1743 alone, Evans.”

Sirius looked at James expectantly. 

“I’m staying too,” James said.

Sirius groaned. “You’re kidding.”

“Lily’s right. We have an opportunity to make the future better. We should take it. This time can’t be any more dangerous than our own time-”

Sirius’s face had turned red. “Have you looked in the bloody mirror?”

James scowled. “What do we have for us in the present, Sirius? There’s a war building there, too.”

Sirius swore.

“Lily, if you’re staying, I’ll stay too. I’ll help you however I can,” James said.

Lily’s eyed welled with tears. “Thanks, James.”

“Well…” Sirius looked at James. He swore again. “I guess I’m staying too.”


	8. Chapter 8

James spent the next day drifting in and out of a painful consciousness. Whenever he woke up, it was to the sight of Sirius sitting a grim vigil by his bedside, and to the sound of Lily’s hushed voice as she helped Cait around the infirmary. By the time the light coming through the infirmary’s small window had started to dim, James woke to hear Cait finally sending Lily to bed.

“I’m a terrible healer,” Cait muttered. “Letting my patient work for me all day.”

“I was happy to help.”

“Bed!”

Stifling a yawn, Lily moved to the cot across from James. He fell asleep again to the sound of her breathing. Even though he was in pain, his last thought was a comforting one: James was in a strange time, but at least he wasn’t alone. Whatever dangers they would face, they could get through them together.

By the next day, his optimism had started to fade. He was awake for longer, which meant he was aware of how much pain he was in, even with the pain numbing potion Cait had given him. Besides that, he was bloody bored, especially since Cait had roped Sirius into helping her with various tasks. He and Lily were left alone, which was something he normally would have welcomed. But as Lily worked at her potions, she was quiet. 

This was the sickest James could remember being. He had been in the hospital wing for quidditch injuries before, but those visits had been short, and his friends had made them feel even shorter. Against his will, his thoughts drifted to his parents, to how it must have felt to die in an infirmary. James hadn’t been allowed to visit them, because Dragon Pox was too contagious, but he had imagined their deaths more times than he could count. The thought of them dying alone in hospital beds had haunted both dreams and waking moments. When he had been sick as a child, his mother used to read to him. James had begged the healers to be allowed in with his parents when they took a turn for the worst; he’d wanted to say goodbye, but he had also thought of reading to them, to fill the silence and make them feel less alone, just as his mother had done for him. 

He knew they had died in silence, except perhaps for their laboured breaths as they shuddered to a stop. He had never asked, but he had always wondered who had died first. They’d been in the same room… who had been the one to hear the other go? Had they been aware enough in their illness to realize what the silence from the other parent had meant?

The silence no longer felt boring. Now it was oppressive.

“Lily?” James said, trying to sound casual and failing.

She appeared at his side. “Yes? Are you alright?” 

“Yes. I just have a question for you.”

She was watching him with concern in her green eyes.

“Okay?”

He hesitated. He always had things he wanted to ask her, but the only questions coming to mind at the moment were too personal. Did she also imagine her parents dying? How, when she had just lost her parents, was she able to function? He had stayed in bed for days after his had died, and only the combined efforts of Sirius, Remus, and Peter had finally enticed him into getting up.

She was waiting patiently, and he finally panicked and asked her, “Could you tell me something?”

“What?”

“Anything you’d like.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You’ll have to be a bit more specific than that, James.”

“Tell me something about you.”

She ducked her head and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Like what?”

“Anything.”

“Well, I hate lilies.”

“No.”

“Yes. I think they’re an ugly flower.” 

Her eyes were sparkling in a way that made James wonder if she was teasing him.

“Really.”

“Yes.”

“So what sort of flowers do you like?” he asked.

“Sunflowers.” She smiled at him. “What about you?”

“Well, I’ve always been rather fond of lilies.” 

He worried briefly that he might have gone too far, but then a pink tinge came to her cheeks, and he felt a mingled disbelief and satisfaction; had he actually just made Lily Evans blush?

Suddenly, Lily gasped and rushed back towards the cauldrons. “Oh no… I forgot about my potion…”

He was certain he had scared her away, but within minutes she was back, sitting across from him.

“My sister loves petunias,” she said. 

James was not surprised. “You and your sister are so different. That must have been interesting when you were growing up.”

“Oh, it was,” Lily said. She sounded a bit sad, but then her face lit up. “When we were young, before Petunia knew I was a…” she trailed off, “I mean, before I went off to Hogwarts… we used to play princesses, and Petunia always made me be the dragon, or the troll, or the prince, or the evil witch… some sort of villain, usually.”

James laughed. “You, Evans, are the furthest thing from a villain or a troll.”

“I think I did quite well at them, actually,” Lily said. “I have a great evil laugh.”

“I’d like to hear that.”

“Never.”

“Come on.”

“I would have to be very drunk to show you,” she said.

If they had been in 1978, this was the moment, James thought, that he would have asked her out for drinks. As it was, he wasn’t sure about the pub situation in 1743 Scotland.

“Was it lonely, growing up without siblings?” she asked.

“Maybe a little,” James said. “But my parents were amazing. And then Sirius moved in with us, and it was like getting a brother.”

“Right,” Lily said. “I forgot that he lived with you. It must have been very hard for him as well, when…”

“Yes,” James said. “It was. It is.”

Lily hesitated. “James… I’m sorry about your parents. It must have been so hard, and I meant to send you a note, but I didn’t know what to say… and I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” James was quiet for a moment. “They were good people. I wish you could have met them.”

“Me too.” She sounded sincere, James thought.

“I think you would have gotten along,” he said. “My father was obsessed with potions. I don’t think he ever quite got over the disappointment of my disinterest in them.” 

James gave her a slightly pained smile.

“Wasn’t he proud of you for your other accomplishments, though?” Lily asked.

“Oh, yeah,” James said with a shrug. “I mean, I was head boy. I did fine in all my classes. I think he would have liked me to get in trouble less, though, and he would have liked me to be more interested in potions.” He paused. “Your parents seemed to be very proud of you.”

Lily grimaced.

“Really,” James said. “I’d only just met them and it was obvious.”

“I know,” Lily said. Her bottom lip started to tremble. “I wish…”

She shook her head. James didn’t press her, but she continued nonetheless.

“I wish I’d been more proud of them.”

“I’m sorry, Lily. I shouldn’t have brought it up…”

“No, it’s fine."

She looked up, blinking back tears.

“We’ll change things,” James said. “We’ll get them back.”

She nodded. “Yes.”

After a moment of hesitation, James got up his courage. He reached out, bridging the distance between them, and found her hand with his. She didn’t pull away.

*

There were so many things James wanted to say to her, but Lily had said she needed quiet to concentrate, and so he bit his tongue and watched her work. As she stirred her potion, her wand tucked behind her ear, James let his mind drift into the realm of fantasy. This moment felt strangely domestic, and he allowed himself to dream of a world in which Lily was working on potions in a home that they had built together. But it was a foolish thought, so he pulled himself back to reality and let himself enjoy the moment for what it was. 

She was dressed all in brown today, her red hair tied back as she worked. Her arm was finally out of its sling, and so she was able to use both her hands, although she occasionally rubbed her left arm, which made James think it still bothered her a bit. 

He still felt like shit, but at least he was well enough to move around now. Soon, he would move out of the infirmary, a thought that left him a bit sad. He had spent more time with Lily in the past week than he could have dared hope for, all because she worked in here while he was too ill to leave. 

Now, he sat straddling a chair, his elbows rested on the chair back as he waited for her to finish her potion. Today, he felt clean for the first time since he had left 1978, now that he’d finally been able to manage bathing. There was a cleanliness to the day, too. The window was open to let out potion fumes, and so the heavy rain was audible, a soothing sound, especially mingled with the crackling of the fireplace. He wasn’t sure that the fumes were really leaving through the window, though, because he felt a bit light-headed. Either that, or he was still more ill than he thought.

He ran a hand through his still damp hair and shifted experimentally. Just as every other time he had tried, he felt the scabs on his back pull, a sensation not so much painful as unpleasant. His white shirt was loose, so it didn’t bother his back too much. It was nice, he reminded himself, to be able to move and to wear shirts again. Still, it was hard not to feel a bit sick of being an invalid. 

“Done,” Lily said, turning around with a bright smile. 

It was nice to see her smiling. Too often this week, James had seen her expression shift to one that was unbearably sad. He had made it a goal, then, to make her smile as often as possible. He had accumulated a growing mental list of things that made Lily happy: making a successful potion was one of them. He admired her for it. Despite his family’s success with potions, his skills in that area couldn’t compare to hers. 

“Are you okay? You’re quite pale,” she said. “Should you lie down?”

“I’m fine.”

She frowned. “Should you really be coming to the dinner tonight? If you’re not well enough, I’m sure the Fergusons will understand.”

Now that both Lily and James were on the mend, the Fergusons had insisted on hosting a welcome dinner for their three guests. 

“No, I can go,” James assures her, offering her what he hoped was a winning grin.

She just raised her eyebrows, and James thought, not for the first time, that he desperately wanted to kiss her.

“What?” she asked. “You look odd.”

James opened his mouth, determined to finally tell her that he liked her very much. Instead, what came out was, “Why were you friends with Snape?”

It was a touchy subject that he had always avoided bringing up, knowing that it would only lead to an argument. He wasn’t sure why he asked now. Perhaps, after the week they’d had, and after the new closeness that has developed between them, he thought it was finally something they could discuss. When her expression became guarded, he realized he may have made a terrible mistake.

“Why do you ask?” she said, playing with the hem of her sleeve.

“Because he’s horrible,” James said. “He hates muggles… I don’t see how-”

“We grew up in the same neighbourhood. He was the one to tell me I was a witch,” she said.

“Oh.”

“I didn’t realize his views until much later. Or maybe I did, but… I guess I didn’t want to see it.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” James asked.

Now, he was sure he’d gone too far, because Lily’s expression darkened. But then she let out a breath, and met his gaze.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. I’ll always have some fondness for him, I suppose, because he introduced me to the wizarding world. Just because someone’s no longer your friend doesn’t mean you stop caring about them… but at the same time, I could never have feelings for someone who hates such a big part of who I am.”

“I love it, you know,” James said.

Lily looked startled, but he pressed on.

“It’s amazing. You can navigate these two different worlds so easily. It’s admirable.”

“I’m not sure that’s true,” Lily said. “I’m part of both, but at the same time, I don’t really belong to either.”

James frowned. “You’re a witch. That means you belong in the wizarding world.”

“Not everyone would agree.”

“Well, screw them.”

Lily laughed in surprise. 

“If we’re asking each other burning questions, I have one for you,” she asked after a moment. “Why did you follow me through the stones?”

James hesitated, but settled on telling her the truth. He began to speak, and that was when Sirius walked through the door.

“I am so bloody sick of following Cait around,” he said, as though continuing a conversation they had already started. He threw himself down on a chair next to James.

Lily frowned at him. “Why? She’s a lovely person.”

“She doesn’t need someone to help protect her,” Sirius complained. “I need someone to protect me from boredom.”

“It’s not interesting to visit villages in the area?” Lily asked incredulously.

Sirius gave her a look of derision. 

“No, Evans, it’s not. Cait does some of her terrible healing magic. I wait. We leave.”

“Her healing magic isn’t terrible,” Lily said. “I’m sure it’s perfectly respectable for the era.”

“I tell you she doesn’t need protection. There’s no one dangerous around, and-”

“Maybe she likes spending time with you. Although I can’t imagine why,” she said with a teasing smile.

“Speaking of spending time with Cait, she’s looking for you. Wants to get you both ready for the party tonight.”

Lily sighed. Her gaze drifted back to her potions, and then she shrugged. 

“Well, I’ll see you two later then.”

She glanced at James and offered him a small smile. As he watched her leave, he could feel himself grinning like an idiot.

Sirius sighed heavily. “I suppose we should get ready too.”

James got to his feet, wincing a bit. 

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked.

“Fine,” James said cheerfully. “You know, I think I’m really getting somewhere with Lily.”

Something crossed Sirius’s face, an expression James couldn’t quite name.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together,” Sirius said cautiously.

“I know! Isn’t it great?” 

James glanced in the room’s small mirror. His hair, as usual, was sticking up every which way. He ran an anxious hand through it, but he quickly gave it up as a lost cause. 

He wasn’t used to his new reflection. The bruises on his face had faded, but Cait had told him that she was not good at mending broken noses, and so James’s nose was now crooked.

“We’ve been talking about so many things,” James said, eyeing his nose critically. “I’ve been learning so much about her.”

Sirius let out a half-hearted noise of agreement.

“What’s the matter?” James finally asked.

Sirius had joined him at the mirror, and was now attempting to tie his hair back.

“Nothing,” Sirius said dismissively. “Bloody hair ribbon…”

A wave of dizziness washed over James, and he swayed, before moving to sit down again.   
“Whoa…” Sirius hovered over him anxiously. 

“I’m fine,” James said.

Sirius looked conflicted. 

“What?”

“James, I think we need to go back to 1978.”

“No.”

“You’re hurt. You need a proper healer.”

“No, I’m not leaving Lily.”

Sirius groaned. “Prongs. A girl isn’t worth this.”

“She is. I love her.”

It was the first time James had said the words aloud, but they slipped easily off his tongue, as if he had been waiting to say them. 

“I love her,” he said again.

Sirius pressed his lips together. “And what if she doesn’t love you back?”

“I think she might at least like me,” James said. “Just… the way we’ve been talking, I really think that-”

“She told me she doesn’t have feelings for you,” Sirius said suddenly.

There was a long silence. 

“She told me when we were in that cell, while you were asleep,” he said. “I didn’t want to tell you… I’m sorry, mate.”

James tried to hide the fact that he felt as if Sirius had just punched him in the gut. 

“That’s why I think we should go,” Sirius added quietly. “You’re just torturing yourself.”

James swallowed hard. He turned away for a moment.

“Sorry. Something in my eye,” James muttered.

Sirius was quiet as he waited.

“It doesn’t matter,” James said. He cleared his throat. “I said I’d stay and help her, and I will.”

Sirius looked as though he might argue, but James stood and turned his back to him, rummaging in the trunk of clothes the Fergusons had given him. 

*

Sirius looked through his own pile of clothes that he had brought with him, guilt twisting at his insides. It had been wrong to lie to James, but it was also wrong for James to be stuck here, strung along by a witch who took him for granted. James had been hurt badly trying to protect her, and in return, she had chosen Snape over him when she had insisted they leave James’s torturer alive. Sirius would never forget that. 

James didn’t deserve to be here, and Sirius would stop at nothing until he was safe, even if it meant breaking James’s heart.


	9. Chapter 9

“You look so beautiful, Lily.”

From beside her, Cait admired their two reflections in the mirror.

“I look quite beautiful, too,” she added, as an after thought.

“You do,” Lily agreed.

“If only I could do something with this hair…”

As Lily watched Cait try to tame her curls yet again, Lily couldn’t help thinking wistfully that this is what having a sister should have been like. She and Petunia hadn’t been close for many years now, despite Lily’s best efforts. How fun something like this would have been, had things been different between them. 

“I think it looks nice,” Lily said.

Not for the first time, she wished she could tell Cait that she was from the future. It was a heavy secret to keep from a friend, but she had decided with James and Sirius that they shouldn’t tell anyone. Time travelling magic hadn’t been invented yet, and they didn’t want them to think they had used powerful, dark magic to move through time. Who knew what these seemingly kind people would do to them then? Would they lock them away, to keep them from tampering with time? Would they kill them, for presumably using dark magic? No, it was better to keep this a secret.

Cait turned her gaze back to Lily, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“I’m sure a certain wizard will appreciate how you look tonight.”

“I don’t dress up for certain wizards,” Lily said.

Cait smiled innocently. “No? You and James have been spending lots of time together.”

“He’s in the infirmary. I work there.”

“You’ve made enough potions within the week to last a year-”

“I like making potions.”

“-and you’ve stayed late every night to talk to him.”

“He’s been bored.”

“So you’re telling me you haven’t been deliberately spending more time with James Potter?”

Flustered, Lily shot back, “You’re one to talk. As if you haven’t been taking Sirius with you for your own reasons. You don’t need ‘protection,’ and you could ask anyone else, if you did.”

Cait arched an eyebrow. “I don’t think I’m his type,” she said delicately.

“Why not?” Lily asked. “You’re beautiful and accomplished and-”

Cait was shaking her head. “No, Lily, you misunderstand me. I don’t think any woman is his type.”

“What do you mean?” Lily asked.

“I mean,” Cait said patiently, “that his type is a certain messy-haired, bespectacled man.”

Lily stared, and then she burst out laughing. “You’re joking.”

“I’m certainly not,” Cait said. 

“Believe me, I’ve seen Sirius Black flirt with too many women to be interested in men. He broke the heart of one of my friends, in fact…”

Lily trailed off. Now that she thought of it, the most she had ever seen Sirius do was flirt with women. In their seven years at Hogwarts together, he had dated several women, one of whom was Lily’s friend, Marlene. None of those relationships had lasted, and none, as far as she knew, had gone beyond snogging. Lily had privately thought that Sirius was always just toying with those women. She had attributed his lack of real interest in his girlfriends to womanizing, because wasn’t that just the sort of mean thing that Sirius Black would do?

On the other hand, Sirius had always been obsessed with James. Lily had always thought that this was due to a particularly strong bond of friendship. Now, thinking back, she realized that perhaps she had been missing some telltale signs. His hero-worshipping of James, his support of everything James did, his loud laughter at every joke James made, not to mention his following James around everywhere, his protectiveness… it was all adding up, and Lily was only stunned that she hadn’t caught on earlier. Sirius Black had a major crush… on James.

“I haven’t been taking Sirius with me for myself,” Cait said. “I’ve been getting your competition out of the way.”

“Do you think…” Lily swallowed hard, and tried to sound nonchalant. “Do you think James feels the same way about Sirius?”

Cait scoffed. “No. James Potter has eyes for only one person, and that’s you.”

Lily’s mind was reeling. She’d always had the impression Sirius wasn’t very fond of her. Was this part of the reason why? 

“You like him, don’t you?” Cait said. “James, I mean.”

Lily hesitated. Every instinct she had rebelled against admitting any feelings for James Potter, the man who had bullied her friend, who had proven himself to be an arrogant jerk time and time again. But, she reminded herself, the James Potter she knew now was quite different from the James Potter she had known in school. This James fought for causes that didn’t personally affect him, all because he saw that something was wrong with the world and meant to help fix it. He had followed her through the stones for some unknown reasons, and had stayed to help her. He had known loss; he had helped her through her own losses. By their final year of Hogwarts, he had become a person she couldn’t help but like. Now, he had become someone that she may not be able to help but love. 

The feeling had crept up on her, so strong that it scared her. Could she really admit her feelings, if saying it out loud would make it real?

“I do like him,” she said. “Very much.”

Saying it out loud was as scary as she thought… but it was hopeful, too.

“Then why don’t you two get married?” asked Cait. 

Just like that, the hope evaporated, leaving only terror.

“I just said I like him, not that I want to marry him!” Lily said.

“It makes sense to marry,” Cait said. “You’re a muggleborn. He’s a pureblood. You know there’s a loophole in the anti-muggleborn laws. If you marry him, you’re safe. You won’t have to hide anymore.”

“I would never use him that way,” Lily said flatly. “Marrying him for my protection is selfish, and why are we even talking about this? James and I aren’t a couple, so why would we consider marriage?”

Cait grabbed her elbow and steered her towards the door. “It’s just something to think about.”

Determinedly, Lily pushed all thoughts of marriage from her mind. This became much easier when she reached the hall where they would eat, a room that reminded her of a smaller Hogwarts, with several long tables lined up across the room. It was an amazing sight. Magically suspended candles glimmered overhead, making the hall bright despite it having no windows. The light caught in the metallic goblets and plates that lined each tables, as well as in the jewels adorning many a witch and wizard, until the whole room seemed to shimmer. 

Lily and Cait were among the last to arrive, and there was a steady roar of conversation as they approached their table. Witches and wizards nodded politely at them as they sat down, dressed in a wide variety of clothing. Many of the men wore kilts under their robes, and the women wore an assortment of the most beautiful dresses Lily had ever seen. 

Lily took her seat beside Cait, across from James and Sirius.

When James looked up to see her, his eyes widened. Lily gave him a small smile, but to her surprise, he quickly looked away, his expression unreadable as he turned his attention back to Sirius. To her surprise, Sirius was somewhat friendly in that he acknowledged her existence, giving her a quick nod.

Before Lily had time to puzzle over this strangeness, the wizard to her other side began to speak to her, and so she turned her attention to him.

*

Now that Lily’s attention was elsewhere, James found his gaze kept wandering back to her. It wasn’t fair, he thought, for her to be so beautiful. He had rarely seen her hair up before, and he found he liked it; he could see more of her face this way. 

Seeing her was even more painful than he had expected. He couldn’t stop thinking about the past week, replaying each moment in his head obsessively. Every time he had thought she might have felt something for him, was it just her being too polite to reject him? Had she secretly been uncomfortable all along? The thought made him sick. 

It had taken all of his courage to face her tonight, but he had resolved to go to apologize to her. If Lily couldn’t love him, perhaps she would still be willing to be friends… or had their friendship been in his head as well?

She caught his eye and tilted her head in a silent question. 

“You look really pretty, Evans,” he said.

Immediately, he regretted his words. He was probably making her uncomfortable again.

But she didn’t looked uncomfortable. Her eyes sparkled as she said, “Thank you.”

James quickly dismissed this as wishful thinking, as seeing what he wanted to see. He knew Sirius wouldn’t lie to him, especially about something as important to him as Lily’s opinion of him.

*

Lily was certain something was off with James. She tried to watch him discreetly while talking to the wizard beside her, and the more she saw, the more convinced she was that something was wrong. He sat stiffly, and he was still pale, so Lily decided that he must be in pain.

She had decided that she was going to tell him that she had feelings for him. If he was in pain, it would have to wait until another day, but even knowing that she was going to tell him filled her with warmth. It was a delicious secret. And perhaps it was stupid to tell him when she had only just admitted it to herself, but tonight she was feeling brave, maybe even a little reckless.

Perhaps she could convince him to leave the party early, and perhaps she could go with him, and they could spend some time just the two of them. And they would talk, and maybe she would be brave enough to kiss him…

Her mind began to follow that path further, but Lily abruptly forced herself to stop thinking about that. He was sick. It wouldn’t be right to try to make a move on him now.

She took a sip of wine, and tried to pay more attention to the wizard beside her, doing her best to pretend she hadn’t just been lusting after James Potter.

The wizard was a tall, thin man with dark hair. He looked to be in his late twenties, Lily would guess, and he had introduced himself as Graham Ferguson, the son of the Fergusons who owned this castle. 

Earlier in the week, Lily had met his parents, Duncan and Aoife. Duncan Ferguson was a portly man with a white beard. Despite him being the lord of the castle, Lily found it was hard to be properly intimidated him. Not only did he look a bit like an 18th-century Father Christmas, but he also had a warm demeanour that immediately put Lily at ease. When she first met him, he greeted her with a booming voice that made her jump, but his smile immediately made her think that he was all bark and no bite. His wife, Aoife, was stiff and formal by comparison, but Lily took a liking to her as well.

“Are you an only child?” Lily asked Graham, helping herself to some dinner.

“I have a younger brother and a younger sister,” he said. “My sister, Anne, is sitting beside your friend—Mr. Potter, was it?—and my brother Brian is beside Cait…”

Cait was busily talking with Brian, with a familiarity that made Lily think they were good friends.

“So, are you enjoying my parents’ charity?”

There was something odd in his voice that put Lily on edge.

“Yes, your parents have been very kind to us. We’re extremely grateful.”

“Yes,” was all he said, but the word was filled with things unsaid.

Feeling uncomfortable, Lily concentrated on her dinner.

“I hear you’re good at potions,” he said. “I suppose it makes a certain amount of sense.”

Lily blinked at him. “Sorry, why?”

“Well, it’s sort of the closest-to-muggle magic there is. Not every potion requires a wand. It’s cooking, more or less. Anyone can do it if they follow the recipe.”

Lily felt heat rush to her cheeks.

“That’s an odd perspective,” she said, fighting hard to keep her voice even.

He quirked an eyebrow. “Is it?”

“Lily could make a better potion than you, any day,” Cait said, before Lily could begin to reply.

Lily shot her a grateful look.

“But that’s just what I’m saying,” Graham said. “Of course she can. It’s more in her nature than mine.”

“Why?” James interrupted.

“Because muggleborns are less magical,” he said. “Isn’t that an established fact?”

“No,” James said hotly. “I’ll have you know Lily was almost top in every class.”

Graham laughed. “Weren’t you two homeschooled together? So by ‘almost top,’ do you mean second out of the two of you?”

“Leave her alone,” Brian called from Cait’s other side. “You’re insulting our guests.”

Graham nodded stiffly. “I apologize. I meant no disrespect.”

Sure you didn’t, Lily thought. But as she was stuck in this seat, all she could really do was hope that he left her alone. To her great relief, he turned to the wizard on his other side, and so Lily could turn to Sirius, Cait, and James. Only, Cait was talking to Brian again, and Sirius and James were talking to Graham’s sister, Anne. Lily tried to insert herself into either conversation, but it looked like a lost cause. She turned back to her dinner.

*

Anne had red hair a few shades lighter than Lily’s, and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. She was a tall woman, almost as tall as James. Her dress was a deep purple.   
And she had been flirting with James all evening, to the point where Sirius had gotten bored with the conversation and turned to the woman on his other side.

“I suppose you’ll have scars after what you went through,” Anne was currently saying. She leaned forward and whispered, “I’ve always found scars rather appealing on a man.”

“Um… right.”

His face felt a bit flushed, probably from the wine. He glanced at Lily, who was playing with the stem of her goblet, looking very alone. Then he turned back to Anne.

She was watching him thoughtfully. “You’re a good friend to her, you know.”

“I try to be.”

“But you’re not courting, or anything?”

James swallowed hard. “No. Definitely not.”

Anne smiled. “Excellent. Well, I was going to go for a stroll around the room. Would you like to join me?”

James glanced at Lily again, and reminded himself that she didn’t have feelings for him. 

“Sure,” he said.

They left the table, James ignoring Lily’s querying look.

Anne led him to a small room off the hall, then into an alcove. She immediately pulled James close to her, pressing her lips against his. Even though he had known this had been her intention from the start, it still came as a surprise somehow. He closed his eyes and kissed her back, slowly and languidly. Despite his best efforts, his thoughts kept drifting back to Lily. He told himself he was kissing Anne to forget her, but in reality, all he could do was close his eyes and pretend that he was kissing Lily.

*

“Did you and James fight?” asked Cait as they left.

“No. He did seem odd, though, didn’t he?”

As they walked, Lily thought sadly that the evening really hadn’t turned out as planned. Between discriminatory comments and sad company, it had really been a rather terrible party. James was lucky he had escaped when he did, because Duncan and Aoife had come over to talk to Lily and Sirius afterwards, and it had been a long time before Lily could extricate herself. 

They walked by an alcove, where a man and a woman were kissing, their hands all over each other, their tongues down each other’s throats. Lily froze as she recognized them.

“James?”

They sprang apart. James’s face was flushed, his lips red, his hair even more of a mess than usual.

“Lily. Um… hello.”

She felt her own face grow hot, and her eyes began to sting.

“Sorry to interrupt.”

*

James watched her walk away, a sinking feeling in his chest. 

“She seemed upset,” Anne said worriedly. 

“She did…”

In fact, James realized, she had looked exactly like James had felt today when Sirius had told him that Lily had no romantic feelings for him. 

“I’m going to kill Sirius.”


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, James regretted being moved out of the infirmary. When he knocked on the closed door, Cait was the one to answer, and her eyes narrowed at the sight of him.

“Is Lily-”

“She’s busy. Do you need something?”

“I just need to talk to her.”

“She’s busy,” Cait said again, even more coldly.

Before he could try to convince her to let him in, she had closed the door in his face.

It took him a full day to catch Lily alone, but determined stalking soon yielded results. When she arrived at the infirmary the next morning, James was waiting by the door.

“James,” she said coolly.

“I am so sorry, Lily. I didn’t think it would upset you to-”

“To see you snogging another woman?” 

“If I’d known that you had feelings for me, I never would have-”

“I don’t.”

If hearing that from Sirius had felt like a punch in the gut, it was nothing compared to hearing it from Lily herself.

“I know you’re arrogant enough to think that every woman is head over heels for you, but I’m not. I just think you should be careful. Snogging Anne Ferguson could get us into trouble. That’s all.”

“Oh. Right.” He swallowed hard. “I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“Good.”

She walked into the infirmary, closing the door behind her. James stood there for a few seconds, gazing after her. Then he left.

*

As soon as she was out of James’s sight, Lily felt some tears spill over.

“No,” she muttered to herself. “I’m not going to cry over James bloody Potter.”

She wiped the tears away and turned back to the cauldrons, but even brewing potions had lost its appeal. Instead, she sat on one of the empty beds, newly made now that James had left.

The door opened, and Lily prepared to tell James to go away, but it was Cait. 

“You need to get out of the castle and away from James. Come with me to the village next door.”

Lily laughed unhappily. “I can’t, remember? Technically I’m a fugitive.”

“What are the odds Severus Prince will be in that village?” Cait said. “And no one will tell him. The only ones to know will be you, me, and Brian.”

“Brian?”

“He invited me to go, and I asked if you could come along.”

Lily hesitated. It was safer to stay here, and it would be better to spend her time trying to save her parents. She felt a sudden surge of anger. How had she let James Potter distract her from the only thing that mattered?

“Come on,” Cait said. “We’ll go for a couple of hours. That’s all.”

If Brian was going, this could be a good opportunity to speak to him and get more information. Lily had already tried to subtly get information from Cait about a rebellion, but Cait had little to tell her. At dinner, she had tried the same with Graham, and later with Duncan, but both had remained maddeningly tight-lipped. 

“They don’t let information go very far,” Cait had told her. “They tell on a need-to-know basis.”

“They don’t trust me,” Lily realized.

“Well, no. There’s at least one spy among us, don’t forget.”

As if Lily could. She didn’t know many people in the castle, but every time she met someone new, she felt a new twinge of suspicion. At least one of them had tried to turn in muggleborns to Severus Prince. At least one of them hated her with enough of a passion to want to destroy her. Which one of these friendly faces hid malice underneath?

Lily got the impression that Brian might be more willing to give her information than his family was. She needed to know what was happening; how else could she change the future?

This was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. 

“Fine, I’ll go.”

Still, when she saw Cait’s delight, she felt rather guilty for having an ulterior motive for going with her.

It was a muggle village, so the three of them walked there, shedding their robes so that they were just in muggle clothes. Brian and Cait walked ahead while Lily purposely followed a few paces behind, doing her best to pretend she didn’t notice their obvious flirting. Instead, she took in the beauty of the day; it wasn’t raining, for once, and the landscape was stunning. The woods and rolling hills looked like something out of a painting, almost too perfect to be real.

“Lily!” Cait bounded up to her and grabbed her elbow. “I’m sorry. We were being so rude… why are you walking so far behind?”

She steered Lily forward, putting Lily between her and Brian.

“Is this your first time in Scotland?” Brian asked her.

Lily looked between them with a small smile; both of their cheeks were tinged with pink.

“Yes,” she lied. “And this is my first time really seeing it in daylight. It’s beautiful.”

“You should see Hogwarts in the daylight,” Brian said. “Our castle is lovely, but it can’t quite compare to Hogwarts.”

“Brian,” Cait chided. “I’m sure Lily doesn’t have fond memories of Hogwarts, after what she and her friends went through there. And she wouldn’t want to go back, not while those English aurors are there.”

“It’s fine,” Lily assured her.

If anything, thinking of Hogwarts filled her with a wistful sadness. It was true that she’d now had one nightmarish experience at Hogwarts, and she would certainly never think of the dungeons fondly again. Even so, one nightmarish night couldn’t cancel out seven years of happiness. 

“I met Severus Prince, once,” Brian said suddenly. “When I was in school, he visited. He was trying to recruit people from my class to join the aurors. He’s certainly… passionate about his beliefs. Convinced several of my classmates to join. There was a lot of violence against muggleborns at school after that… some of them had to leave school early. Now they aren’t allowed at Hogwarts at all.”

“It’s disgusting,” Cait said, shaking her head.

“Not everyone is like that, at least,” Lily said quietly. “It’s good to know that there are people like you and Cait, and your family. People are willing to fight for muggleborns and their rights. It gives me hope.”

“Glad to hear it,” Brian said. “And we’re happy to have you at the castle of course.”

“Thank you.” Lily searched for something to say, anything that would get him to speak about a rebellion. “So does your family help muggleborns relocate, or do they-”

“My family has been helping muggleborns escape to Scotland, then finding safe places for them here. Sometimes that means finding them new identities, or safe marriages.”

Lily gathered her courage. “And what about after that?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“That’s helpful, yes, but how are we going to change the laws?”

Brian blinked at her. “You don’t need to worry about that, Miss Evans. It sounds as though my father is happy to let you stay and help Cait. Perhaps he’ll even find a good marriage for you. You’re safe.”

“It isn’t enough for me to be safe,” Lily said hotly. “We need to change things, so everyone is safe. We need to fight.”

Brian was now looking at her as if she’d lost her mind.

“We’ve already put our lives and safety on the line for your kind. You would ask more of us?”

Lily felt a small pull of shame. 

“Miss Evans, even if there were something planned, I wouldn’t tell you. You and your friends could be spies. We had to execute a spy only a few months ago, a man masquerading as a fleeing muggleborn.”

“Lily isn’t a spy,” Cait said firmly.

“Cait, you wouldn’t know a spy if one came and bit you on the nose,” Brian said with a laugh.

Cait frowned. “I would.”

“You’re too trusting,” he said, suddenly serious. “That could kill you one day.”

Lily decided to change the subject. “So what are we doing in the village?”

Although Cait still looked irritated, she answered. “I have a friend I’d like you to meet. I think you’ll get along.”

As they approached the village, Cait and Brian fell behind. 

“I’m sorry,” Lily heard him whisper to her.

“Thank you, but it’s not me you should apologize to.”

Lily wished the ground would swallow her up, especially when Brian caught up to her.

“I’m sorry, Miss Evans,” he said quickly. “I meant no offence.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him.

The muggle village was small, with a smattering of stone homes. Brian and Cait greeted various people along the street, and Lily couldn’t help but marvel how much better integrated into muggle society Brian and Cait were than most of the wizards and witches she knew in the 1900s. For one thing, the fashion between magical and muggle societies wasn’t so different, except for the robes. Were Cait and Brian unique, she wondered, or was wizard society just much less isolated in the 1700s? 

Then again, it could just be Scotland, Lily mused. Perhaps the Scottish witches and wizards had closer ties to their muggle neighbours, and that was why they were generally against the laws that England had passed. And this closeness could be why the English witches and wizards felt threatened, especially since the statute of secrecy had been passed only fifty years ago.

Cait and Brian took Lily around, showing her the various sights. Lily looked at everything with great interest. So much was different compared to her own time, but some things were the same, too. Among the strange sights and sounds and smells, her gaze was drawn to the familiar: a mother comforting a crying child, friends greeting each other warmly, and a grey cat grooming itself on a step. And, of course, she couldn’t help but notice that Cait seemed to have forgive Brian, because whenever they had a moment, they were flirting again.

Cait eventually knocked on the door of a stone house on the edge of the village, and a beaming woman let them in. The woman introduced herself as Bertha, while Brian whispered something in Cait’s ear.

“Um… Lily? Would you be okay with it if I run to do a quick errand while you get to know Bertha?” Cait asked quietly.

Her eyes flicked to Brian, and Lily knew exactly what sort of “errand” she would be doing.

“If you’re certain you want to,” she said.

Cait’s lips twitched. “I am. But you’re sure you don’t mind?”

Lily nodded. “I’d love to get to know your friend. Be… um… safe.”

As soon as they left, there was a moment of heavy silence. Bertha had moved to the window to watch them go, and she turned back to Lily with a sigh. To Lily’s surprise, Bertha pulled out a wand, and conjured two teacups. 

“I hope he doesn’t break her heart,” she muttered.

“You’re a witch!” Lily said.

Bertha smiled kindly at her. “You’re surprised.”

Bertha’s first statement finally registered through Lily’s surprise.

“You don’t think he likes her?” Lily asked worriedly. “He seems to…”

“Cait’s been infatuated with him ever since school,” Bertha said. “I just find it a little odd that he’s paying attention to her now.”

“Sometimes people’s feelings change over time,” Lily protested.

Bertha shook her head. “He just seems the sort to want a bit of fun before moving onto the next witch.”

That hadn’t been Lily’s impression at all. She considered Brian again. He was the polar opposite of his brother, both in appearance and demeanour. He was a stocky, blond man with an easy smile that lit up his face, especially when Cait was around. 

“I think he really likes her,” Lily said. 

“I hope you’re right,” was all Bertha said.

Bertha offered her some tea, and Lily took it gratefully. They sipped in an uncomfortable silence.

“You have questions,” Bertha finally said. “You can ask.”

“Why does a witch live in a muggle village? Are you muggleborn? Are you here because of the new laws?”

Bertha shook her head grimly. “If I were here because of the new laws, I wouldn’t have my wand.”

Lily started. “What?”

“They’re snapping the wands of the muggleborns they’re sending away from wizard society. You didn’t know?”

“N-no.” Lily realized she was trembling.

“You’re muggleborn?”

Lily nodded once.

“That can’t be easy,” Bertha said. She hesitated, then said, “My husband’s a muggle. That’s why I live here.”

“Does he know you’re a witch?” Lily asked.

“Yes. But I can’t exactly bring him into wizard society at the moment, so we live here. And the Ferguson castle is so close, I’m not entirely cut off.”

“Marrying a muggle can’t be legal,” Lily realized.

Bertha laughed shortly. “No, definitely not. If we’re caught, the sentence is death. If a muggleborn marries a muggle, it’s fine, but they don’t want to dilute the blood of a pureblood.”

“Why do they let muggleborns marry purebloods, then?”

“Their purebloods spouses protested too much. I don’t think the Ministry is thrilled by the loophole, but they respect it.”

Lily was quiet, fiddling with the handle of her teacup.

“Why did Cait bring me here?” she asked. “She said she thought we would get along.”

Bertha raised her eyebrows. “Perhaps she did.”

“But?”

“Cait always has her reasons for doing things, and she’s been talking to me about you. She wants you to stay at the castle, but she’s worried Duncan won’t let you stay forever unless you become legal.”

“She’s trying to scare me into marrying someone.” Lily said. “Unbelievable.”

“She doesn’t want you to end up like me,” Bertha said drily. “Stuck in a muggle village.”

“You’re unhappy?”

“I didn’t say that.” Bertha smiled. “For many witches and wizards, my fate is the worst fate imaginable: cut off almost entirely from a world I belong to. But hiding isn’t the worst thing in the world, when it’s with someone you love.”

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Bertha stood. 

A voice came from the next room over. “I’ll get it, if you’re busy.”

Bertha sat back down. “Thank you.”

A tall, thin man came into the room, smiled in greeting at Lily, and opened the door.

“Can I help you, Mr…?”

The answer was one word, but it was enough to send a chill up Lily’s spine.

“Prince.”

Bertha shot to her feet. “No-”

“Avada kedavra!”


	11. Chapter 11

James spent the morning resolutely avoiding Lily and Sirius. For Lily, it wasn’t difficult, because she was avoiding him too, no doubt hidden away in the infirmary. Sirius was much harder to shake off.

“I’m sorry. I tried to tell you,” Sirius had said, after James had told him about his encounter with Lily that morning.

That was the last thing James had wanted to hear. Finally, he could no longer stand the pitying looks and the questions about how he was doing. 

“Terrible, okay?” he finally snapped. “Severus Snape’s evil doppelgänger beat me senseless a week ago. My parents are dead. I’m stuck in the middle of an impending war, even when I travel two hundred and fifty bloody years into the past. And on top of everything, I’ve messed everything up with Lily.”

Sirius shot him a wounded look. “I was only trying to help.”

“Wait, Sirius…”

But Sirius was already walking away. James groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“Rough day?”

He jumped. Anne was leaning against the doorframe, eyeing him with raised eyebrows.

“What are you doing here?” he asked stupidly.

“This is my room,” she said, smirking. “I could ask you the same question.”

His face flushed. “Sorry. I was just wandering. I didn’t know this was your room.”

“Walk with me,” she said.

Before he could refuse, she had grabbed his arm and was leading him away. He dug in his heels.

“Really, Miss Ferguson-”

“Anne.”

“Um, right. Anne. I should be going.”

She laughed lightly. “You don’t need to worry. I’m not trying to seduce you; if I was, I would have invited you into my room. I just think you look like you could use a friend.”

“With all due respect, I have friends,” James said.

Anne looked at him, one fine eyebrow arched. “Mr. Black and Miss Evans? Yes, but neither one is around to listen to you. I’m an impartial party. I’m happy to listen.”

“Not so impartial,” James muttered.

“If you’re referring to last night, I assure you I was looking for some fun only. I’m not about to declare my undying love and beg for your hand in marriage,” Anne said. “And I never would have presumed to kiss you if I’d known that there was some attachment between you and Miss Evans.”

“There isn’t,” James said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. 

“Well, would you like there to be?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” James said. “It matters what she wants. I’m not going to harass her when she doesn’t have feelings for me. I might have done that some years ago, but not now. I respect her too much.”

Anne smiled. 

“What?” James asked.

“You’re a good man, James.”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“You came to Scotland for your friend, even knowing she might not have feelings for you,” Anne said gently. “You continue to stay for her. I would say that she’ll have to work hard to deserve you.”

“I’m not a good person. I wouldn’t do that for anyone. I do it for Lily because I love her.”

Anne was shaking her head.

“What?” James asked.

“I was just thinking that if you ever decide you want to move on from Lily… well, I have no other attachments.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. For now, friends?” he held out his hand to shake.

Her eyes glimmered with amusement, but she took his hand and shook it once. “Friends,” she agreed.

A door flew open from down the hall, and James let go of Anne’s hand. To his surprise, Cait sprinted towards him, Brian on her heels. Her eyes were red, her cheeks tearstained. 

“What’s wrong?” James asked, his heart starting to pound.

“It’s Lily,” Cait said. She let out a sob. 

“What happened? Is she okay?” James demanded.

“No!” Cait wailed. “They took her away…”

“Who did?”

“Severus Prince.”

Something constricted in James’s chest, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe.

“How?” he managed to ask.

“I convinced her to come with us to the village today, and-”

“Well, where is she now?”

“Hogwarts,” Cait sobbed. “She has to be. But I don’t know what we can do. They’ll try her, and they’ll snap her wand, and then who knows what they’ll do to her-”

Anne had clapped a hand to her mouth. 

“But they have no way of proving she’s muggleborn, right?” James asked desperately. 

“They use veritaserum,” Anne told him quietly.

James’s mind was racing. All he could think of was Severus Prince standing over Lily’s still form, only now, in his mind, Severus Prince was doing much worse to her than breaking her arm. He couldn’t leave Lily to the monster who had hurt her and James. 

“We have to go to Hogwarts,” James said.

“You can’t,” Anne said immediately. “They’ll only hurt you too.”

“If they use veritaserum, I can prove I’m a pureblood,” Jame said.

“That doesn’t help Lily,” Anne said.

“It could…” James said slowly.

Cait was nodding. “You’re right. There’s only one way to save her. A pureblood has to marry her.”

James hesitated. He didn’t want to force Lily to marry him, not when she didn’t want to. But if it was saving her from harm, possibly even death-

“I’ll do it. I’ll marry her.”

*

“…and so we have the proof that the witch Bertha McDougall illegally married a muggle, diluting her pure witch blood with the filth of muggle blood…”

From the seat next to hers, Bertha was steadily sobbing, silent sobs that shook her entire frame. Lily wanted to reach out to comfort her, but her hands were chained, and so all she could do was watch. 

This had been—would become—the charms classroom, but it didn’t look like a classroom now, not with all of these black-robed adults with cold expressions. Lily had looked around for any sign of a friendly face, but she had found only expressions devoid of all sympathy.

“…for which the sentence is death…”

The judge, a thin, bald man, turned his pale gaze to Bertha.

“…a sentence that will be carried out immediately.”

Lily gasped. “No!”

Her voice was swallowed by the cries of the witches and wizards around her, but they weren’t cries of protests, but rather screams for Bertha’s blood. Lily tried to move towards Bertha, from instinct rather than logic, because they had taken her wand, so what could she really do to help? Someone’s hands gripped her, holding her back, and Lily could only watch, sobbing, as Bertha was executed. With two words, she was transformed from a living being into a body, and Lily could only think that at least death in the non magical world made sense. When someone was killed in the muggle way, you could see the violence to it. In the wizarding world, it was too quick, too clean. It didn’t fully capture that an entire life had been stolen, and in that moment, Lily hated it with a passion. 

“You murderers…” she screamed.

But no one listened. They had moved onto talking about her crimes and her sentence. 

Whoever was holding her hadn’t let go now that Bertha’s body was being taken from the room. If anything, their grip grew tighter.

“You know, mudblood…” the voice whispered.

Lily recoiled, because the person holding her was Severus Prince.

“You could save yourself,” Severus murmured in her ear. “If you marry a pureblood, you won’t have to be banished to the muggle world.”

“And I suppose you’re offering?” she whispered, a hysterical laugh bubbling out of her throat.

“Obviously.”

Lily stiffened. 

“Lily,” he said quietly, his breath tickling her ear. “You’re a beautiful mudblood. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. I can save you. Let me.”

She shrugged out of his grip. “I’d rather fuck a toad.”

It came out louder than she meant it to, and suddenly, the cold expressions of the witches and wizards around her slipped, replaced by mirth.

“I’ll destroy you for that,” Severus Prince said quietly.

A chill went down Lily’s spine, because she was sure he meant it.

“Do you confess to being a mudblood?” asked the judge severely. “Or shall we send for the veritaserum?”

Lily pressed her lips tightly together.

“Who were your parents, girl?” the judge snapped.

Lily felt a stab of grief. Who were her parents? People who had been enormously loving, who had been proud of Lily even when she’d been different… because of it, even.

“My parents,” she said, raising her voice. “Were John and Margaret Evans. They were muggles. They were good people, and I’m not ashamed of them. I’m muggleborn, and I’m proud of it.”

She glared at the judge, ignoring the sudden din of angry shouts directed at her.

The judge picked up her wand in both hands, and Lily winced. He was going to snap it. And now she was panicking, because she had been brave, and she had stood up for her parents and her kind, but what was the cost? Now, she would be stranded without a wand in a hostile time, not to mention a time when muggles were still persecuting witches and wizards.

“Stop!” a voice shouted from down the hall.

Lily froze, because she was sure she recognized that voice. But it couldn’t be… what would he be doing here? Surely he wouldn’t be stupid enough to walk back into danger, would he?

“Lily!”

No, he had definitely been stupid enough to walk back into danger, and for what? Now Severus Prince would just hurt him as well-

James Potter burst into the room, followed by Cait, Brian, Sirius, and Anne. 

“We’re engaged,” James panted.

There was a sudden silence in the room. 

“Lily and I are engaged to be married,” James repeated, a bit louder now that he had his breath back. 

“And who are you?” the judge asked, perplexed.

“James Potter.”

There were some murmurs throughout the room.

“Potter?” the judge repeated.

From beside her, Lily saw Severus Prince stiffen.

“I didn’t know they had a son named James,” the judge said.

“They don’t like to talk about me. They had to homeschool me because I’m such a troublemaker-”

“Evidently,” the judge said drily. 

“We should give him veritaserum,” Severus cut in, his low voice cold.

“Agreed,” the judge said.

James scanned the room until he found Lily. His eyes narrowed as his took in Severus Prince standing behind her, but he quickly approached.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

She felt the strangest urge to cry, so she just nodded. As awful as it was to see James here in the midst of these horrible people, she had never been so glad to see him. James moved to sit beside her, and their friends crowded around them, and suddenly, even with Severus Prince’s presence looming over them, Lily didn’t feel quite so alone.

James and all of their friends had to take veritaserum to verify their identities, but then, all at once, they were free to go. Lily’s hands were free, and the first thing she did was hug James tightly. They moved towards the door, but a shadowy figure swooped in front of them, blocking their path.

“I don’t believe your story,” Severus said quietly. He gripped James’s sleeve, pulling him closer. “I don’t believe the Potters have another son.”

James looked him in the eye and grinned. “Veritaserum would disagree with you.”

“I expect to see a marriage license, the next time we meet,” Severus said. “Otherwise, I imagine something bad might happen to your mudblood whore.”

Lily then did something incredibly stupid, but she couldn’t resist. Later, she would blame it on the stress of the day; she stepped forward and stomped on Severus’s foot, hard. 

“Go to hell, Snivellus,” she spat as he doubled over.

Their group left the castle hurriedly after that, Lily doing her best to ignore James’s look of utter admiration.

*

After they were back at the Ferguson castle, James asked to speak to Lily alone. Cait gave her a quick hug before leaving the infirmary, Brian and Anne on her heels. Sirius shot them one last unhappy look before leaving the room as well. 

As soon as it was just the two of them, James sat on the bad, letting out a shaky breath and running a hand through his perpetually messy hair.

“I can’t believe that actually worked,” he muttered.

Lily had trouble meeting his eyes, but she forced herself to do it anyway. “Thank you.”

He nodded once. “You’re welcome.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. Lily slowly sat down beside him, careful to leave some distance between them.

“Um… Lily…” He took a deep breath. “You don’t have to marry me, you know. We could go back through the stones… or if you want to stay here, you have other options. Brian said he would marry you, and it sounds like Graham would be willing to, as well. So just because I said I would… well, it doesn’t mean you have to…”

Lily considered him. Could she really marry Brian, the man her friend was so besotted with? Could she marry Graham, a man who would never respect her? But at the same time…

“I can’t marry you, James.”

He let out a breath, as if he had been expecting this.

“Lily-”

“No, listen… I want to stay here, but I can’t do that to you. Not when you don’t have feelings for me. It wouldn’t be fair-”

He let out a disbelieving laugh. “Don’t have feelings for you? Lily, I’ve been in love with you for years.”

“You have?” she whispered.

“Yes,” he said. “I thought it was obvious. But I won’t force you to marry me when you don’t feel the same way.”

Now, it was her turn to laugh.

“What?” he said, sounding hurt. “I didn’t realize this would be so funny to you.”

“No, it’s not… it’s just… where did you get the idea I didn’t have feelings for you?”

“Sirius. He said you told him.”

Lily felt a surge of anger. “He was wrong, James.”

A look of hope spread across James’s face, but it quickly turned to worry again. “But even if you like me, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to marry me. I mean, we haven’t even dated, really…”

Lily considered. “How about this. We’ll get married, and once we go back to 1978, you and I can decide whether we want it to stay.”

James smiled crookedly. “Deal.”

He held out his hand, and she shook it. His grip was firm, and she found she didn’t want to let go. Instead, she pulled him towards her, and she kissed him. After a moment, he kissed her back, and it was everything she had dreamed of. James Potter, as it turned out, was an excellent kisser, and she didn’t want to let go. Eventually, she pulled away, both of them breathing hard.

“I just didn’t want our first kiss to be on our wedding night,” Lily whispered.

Their faces were still close, and James leaned in again, but someone cleared her throat behind him, and the two sprang apart.

Cait looked between them with a small smirk. “Sorry to interrupt. Lily, I just thought we should decide on a wedding dress for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Lily repeated, a bit faintly.

Cait nodded. “It’s all arranged for tomorrow afternoon.”

“Wonderful,” Lily said, not sure she meant it. She had only just come around to the idea of this marriage, and for it to happen so soon…

She glanced at James, and he gave her a look that seemed to offer her a choice. You don’t have to marry me, he seemed to say again. Somehow, that just seemed to make the choice even more clear. 

I do, she told him silently. I want to.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told him.

His smile was radiant.


	12. Chapter 12

At Lily’s insistence, her wedding dress was white, despite Cait’s protests that white was far too plain a colour. After much persuading on Cait’s part, they reached a compromise, and so the white was embellished with detailed embroidery in silver thread. 

Once the dressmaker had finished, Cait and Lily both gazed in the mirror, speechless.

“Thank you,” Lily finally managed to stammer out.

The dressmaker eyed her creation critically. “Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a different colour? A green, or a grey, or a blue…?”

She raised her wand, but Lily shook her head.

“I love it.”

It certainly wasn’t the sort of dress Lily had envisioned getting married in. When Petunia had gotten engaged to Vernon earlier in the summer, she had pored over countless magazines of women in all sorts of dresses, and after she’d finished with them, Lily hadn’t been able to resist looking through them as well. A wedding had seemed very far off only weeks ago, but Lily still couldn’t help imagining what she might wear someday.

She was in the 1700s, so her expectations for the dress had been low. She knew that it wouldn’t be anything close to what she had imagined, but then again, neither was this wedding. It was still surreal to think that she was marrying James Potter, and if she thought about it too much, she knew she would panic. This was the man who had once bullied her friend, someone she’d had no respect for during many of the years she had known him. She had only just admitted that she had feelings for him, and now she was committing her life to him. But only until they made it back to 1978, Lily reminded herself. This wasn’t a life commitment, only a temporary trial.

She turned her attention back to the dress, to the graceful lace sleeves, the swooping neckline, the detail on the bodice. It was so beautiful that wearing it filled her with excitement, in spite of herself, and she was almost sad to take it off.

As soon as the dressmaker had left, Cait collapsed into a chair. When she caught Lily’s concerned gaze, she offered her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You’ll be stunning tomorrow,” Cait said.

Lily sat down beside her. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” Cait looked down at her hands, playing absently with the red fabric of her skirt. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m much better than I could have been, thanks to you and the others.”

Cait bit her lip. “Bertha was one of my oldest friends.”

Lily’s heart clenched at the memory of Bertha’s body being dragged away, like some sort of rubbish rather than a person.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said.

“It’s not your fault,” Cait said, and there was a new edge to her voice. “It’s the traitor’s. Someone told Severus Prince where you would be, and Bertha got dragged into it. Perhaps they would have come for her anyway, if the traitor knew about her.”

“You said only you, me, and Brian knew we were going to the village,” Lily said hesitantly. “Does that mean…?”

“Brian said he mentioned it to Graham, who says he told Anne, who could have told any number of people. But I’m going to discover who told Severus Prince about us, and I’m going to make sure he—or she—dies.” Cait’s hands clenched.

“We’ll catch them,” Lily said quietly. “We have to.”

Cait let out a breath. “We shouldn’t dwell on that today, of all days. You’re going to be a married woman tomorrow, after all… which reminds me. I have something for you and James.”

She slipped two rings off of her hands, both simple gold bands.

“I know you and James weren’t able to bring much with you when you escaped England. These belonged to my parents, before they died. I want you two to have them, for my wedding gift. They’re a bit old, now, but-”

Lily shook her head. “No. That’s very kind, but we can’t take something so personal.”

“You’re my friend. I want you to have them.”

“You’ll need them for your own wedding,” Lily said.

“Your wedding is happening now. Who knows if I’ll ever get married?” She turned very serious. “Please, Lily. I want you to take them.”

It was a kindness beyond words, so Lily pulled Cait into a tight hug. Neither spoke for a long moment.

When they pulled away, Cait was wearing a mischievous expression. “So, Lily… are you excited for your wedding night?”

And just like that, the panic was back. Lily looked at Cait, her eyes wide, and Cait burst out laughing.

“Is that a no?”

“I really haven’t thought about it.”

Cait just raised her eyebrows.

It hadn’t been a total lie. While Lily had perhaps occasionally had some unchaste thoughts about James, in all of the chaos of the day, she hadn’t stopped to imagine what marrying James would mean. But just because they were marrying tomorrow didn’t mean they had to have sex tomorrow, Lily told herself. There was no need to rush that, was there? Especially if they weren’t necessarily going to stay married.

Lily hesitated. “Maybe he won’t want to…”

“You have to consummate the marriage for it to be valid,” Cait said, and Lily’s heart sank. “It’s going to be your first time?”

Lily nodded, although she didn’t tell Cait that she’d done just about everything else with a boyfriend at Hogwarts.

“And James?”

“Oh, I doubt he’s a virgin,” Lily said with a small laugh. “He dated a bunch of girls at Hogwarts.”

She was so nervous at the thought that she didn’t realize what she had said until it was too late.

“I mean, girls from Hogwarts. We were taught by his parents, but-”

“I don’t believe you,” Cait said slowly. “But I don’t understand. If we’re the same age, I’d know you if you went to Hogwarts.”

Lily hesitated. 

Cait’s eyes were widening. “Are you using polyjuice potion? Are you… you’re not the spy, are you?”

“Of course not,” Lily said.

She knew what she had to do; she had to tamper with Cait’s memory. But as if she could sense her intentions, Cait had drawn her wand. 

Heart pounding, Lily dropped her own wand to the floor with a clatter.

“I’ll tell you the truth,” Lily said. “But there’s no way you’re going to believe me.”

*

As James rested in their shared room, Sirius looked out the window at the castle courtyard. It was mostly emptied now that it was evening, which was a shame, because Sirius needed a distraction. After some minutes, he sighed, turning his gaze back to James’s sleeping form. Even in his sleep, Sirius thought James looked happy.

James was still ill, Sirius knew, and he thought James had been doing too much recently. Daring rescues while you were recovering from torture surely wouldn’t be advised by most healers, but then again, Cait wasn’t the most competent of healers, Sirius thought with malice. Sirius had finally convinced him to take a nap, but only because he’d successfully pointed out that James was swaying on his feet.

He tried not to think about how he and James wouldn’t be sharing a room for much longer. But even as his gaze was drawn back to James as if by some magnetic pull, he felt a surge of anger. He knew everything there was to know about James. He knew he slept curled up, and that he sometimes talked to himself in his sleep. He and James had shared everything: friends, inside jokes, even James’s parents. How was it fair, then, that Lily got him? But she had slowly been taking James away from him, and tomorrow would only make it official.

Sirius sighed again and buried his face in his hands.

“What’s wrong?”

Sirius lifted his head to see James watching him with concern.

“Nothing. I was just thinking that…”

James shifted into a seated position and put on his glasses. “Yes?”

It was painful, Sirius thought, how much he loved James. People spoke about love as if it was this wonderful thing, but it wasn’t. Not when it was a one-sided longing.

Sirius summoned his courage. “I was thinking that I love you.”

James smiled. For a moment, Sirius allowed himself to hope.

“Aww, I love you too. You’re the best friend I could hope for.”

A bitter sort of disappointment filled him.

“I don’t know if I’m supposed to have a best man in the 1700s, but I’d like it to be you.”

“I’m your only friend in this time.”

“You’d be my best man in any time, no matter how many friends I had,” James said.

Sirius knew he should just settle for James’s friendship. He should concede defeat; he should support his friend as he married the woman of his dreams. But part of Sirius couldn’t help but think that if only Lily weren’t in the picture, James might discover that he cared for Sirius as more than a friend.

“So Lily really said she has feelings for you?” Sirius said, falsely incredulous. “She must have fallen for you pretty fast.”

James’s smile faded.

“I just think you should consider that she’s using you,” Sirius said quickly. “How do you know she’s not pretending she has feelings for you, just to secure her own safety?”

“Because Lily’s not like that,” James said.

“She could be more manipulative than you think. She did tell me that she didn’t have feelings for you, and that was, what, a week and a half ago?”

“Maybe I should go talk to her,” James said, climbing to his feet with a wince.

Sirius felt alarm course through him. “It’s not like she’ll tell the truth if she’s manipulating you.”

James ignored him, but as he reached the door, he turned back and said, “Thanks for always looking out for me, Sirius.”

The door closed behind him, leaving Sirius utterly alone, and feeling as though his last hope had just been pulled away.

*

Cait sat on her bed while Lily waited nervously. Cait hadn’t said anything for a full two minutes, and Lily was left feeling a bit like a child waiting for her parents to say something after getting a nasty call from the headmaster.

“You’re insane,” Cait said, her voice hard. “Either that, or you’re a lying traitor.”

“Are those really the only explanations?” Lily said, a bit desperately.

“You really expect me to believe you’re from the future?”

Lily smiled faintly. “We’re witches. We live in a world of magic-”

“Magic has rules,” Cait said flatly. “There’s a logic to magic. Time travel… it just doesn’t fit.”

“You said we’re friends,” Lily said. “If you believe that, then can’t you trust me?”

Cait looked at her, and Lily could practically see her mind spinning. Finally, Cait swore under her breath.

“Yes, I think I can,” Cait said. “It makes a certain amount of sense. I have heard stories about those stones, even though I thought they were fairy tales. And then there was the strange way you three were dressed when we met, the strange way you sometimes speak, the fact that you and James were hurt so badly by Severus Prince… I don’t believe even a committed spy would allow themselves to come to such physical harm. And beyond that, Lily, I like to believe you’ve been genuine with me, as I’ve been with you.”

“I’ve been as genuine as I can be, without telling you that secret.”

Cait was quiet for a moment. “And I can’t tell anyone?”

“I’d prefer it if you don’t,” Lily said. “It could be dangerous for us.”

Cait nodded. “Then I’ll take the secret to my grave. What’s the future like, Lily? Tell me… does this go away?” She only gestured vaguely with her hand, but Lily didn’t need Cait to tell her what she meant.

“Um… no,” Lily said quietly.

She told Cait everything, then. She told her about her parents, about Voldemort, about the impending war in the future. 

“…and I thought that if I could somehow change the past, then I might be able to change that future.”

“I’ll help you,” Cait said. 

“I know,” Lily said softly.

*

James made his way through the stone hallways, taking several wrong turns on the way to Lily’s room. At one point, he was certain he’d made it to the right room, until he heard the voices from inside. They were speaking in hushed, heated tones, which naturally made James creep closer and listen.

“…I think we need to tell father.”

James stiffened as he recognized the drawling voice of Graham Ferguson. Not for the first time, he wished he had time travelled with his invisibility cloak.

“No,” Brian’s voice said. “We have no proof that it was her.”

“Who else would it have been? You said that only four of us knew that you three were going to the village. You would suspect your own sister?”

Brian heaved a sigh. “I don’t know who to suspect, frankly.”

The silence was loaded.

“You suspect me?” Graham said coldly.

“Well, of the four of us, only one of us personally knew Severus Prince. Only one of us practically worshipped him, and only one of us resents the muggleborns for putting our family at risk. And it’s neither Anne, nor Cait, nor me.”

“Brother, your feelings for her are blinding you,” Graham said.

“She’s not a traitor. I would bet my life on it.”

“I hope you’re comfortable betting all of our lives on it.”

“Then I have your word not to mention your suspicions to father?”

Once again, silence. James leaned closer to the door.

“You have my word. For now.”

Footsteps approached the door, and James hid behind a curtain in time to see Graham storm out of the room, his expression coldly furious. Brian left soon after, and James continued his search for Lily’s room, finding himself moving faster now. If James had understood the conversation correctly, then Graham thought Cait was the traitor. James had rejected the idea immediately, but now doubt was nagging at him. Lily and Cait were sharing a room, so they were probably alone together. What if Cait was planning to kill her, now that Severus Prince hadn’t finished the job?

When he reached their room, the door was open a crack, and he could see that Cait was braiding Lily’s hair. Lily couldn’t see Cait’s face, but James could. Her expression wasn’t one of malice, but rather one that was quite loving, and James felt incredibly foolish for suspecting her. 

He knocked on the door, and Cait stood to answer it.

“Could I talk to Lily?” James asked her.

“I can go for a walk,” Cait said, grabbing a shawl.

“No, don’t let us kick you out. We’ll go for the walk,” Lily assured her.

They shared a smile, and James had the sense that he had missed something.

Lily slipped out the door with James, and then she was there, so close to him, and he had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss her. But he reminded himself why he was there and turned away.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked, once they had reached the courtyard.

It was dusk, and the brilliant light of the sunset illuminated Lily’s face, sparkling in her green eyes and catching in her fiery red hair. She was so breathtaking that he momentarily forgot what he had wanted to talk to her about, until she tilted her head in a silent question. 

“Oh… just something Sirius said…”

“Yes?”

He swallowed hard, wrenching his gaze from her face to somewhere over her shoulder. 

“Why did you tell him you didn’t have feelings for me?” 

He dared to look at her, only to see her expression had darkened. 

“It’s okay if you didn’t, or if you still don’t,” he hurried to say. “I’ll marry you anyway. But…”

He trailed off. Lily looked conflicted.

“What?” he asked worriedly.

“I think he misunderstood,” she said carefully. “He asked me to tell you if I didn’t have feelings for you. I said I wouldn’t do that, because it wasn’t the right time for me to think about romance. I never said I didn’t have feelings for you.”

James felt much lighter. “Oh.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, James. Yes, I have feelings for you.”

“Tell me again,” he said. “I’ll never get sick of hearing it.”

She rolled her eyes. “I have feelings for you.”

“Maybe a few more times, just in case?”

She laughed quietly. “I have feelings for you.”

They were very close now, and he closed the distance between them. He was never going to get sick of kissing Lily Evans, he decided. That was the only thought he had time for before his mind went blissfully blank, consumed entirely by the feeling of Lily’s lips on his.


	13. Chapter 13

Sirius stood outside of Lily and Cait’s room, his hand raised to knock. Somehow, he couldn’t quite make his hand travel the final distance to the door. He swallowed hard and gathered his courage. When he finally knocked, it was a quiet sound, and part of him hoped Lily might not hear, but footsteps quickly approached the door.

The door opened, and Lily faced him, her surprise evident. 

“Sirius.” If she was angry, her voice didn’t show it. She spoke with a careful politeness.

He walked in without waiting for an invitation, and Lily sighed before following him.

“You can sit down, if you’d like,” she said.

He waved her away, pacing across the room. There was no way he could sit still at a time like this. 

“Where’s Cait?” he asked.

“She got called away to help a wizard with the sniffles. I imagine she’ll be back soon,” Lily said. “We’re going to have breakfast together, if you’d like to join?”

Sirius shook his head. “I already ate with James.”

His voice caught a little on his friend’s name, much to his embarrassment. He glanced at Lily, who was now watching him with pity. She had sat down on a wooden chair, her hands clasped in her lap. She was dressed in a plain white nightgown and Sirius had to look away, because her wearing white just reminded him that she was getting married today.

Unless he stopped the wedding.

“Evans, I thought I should warn you. James doesn’t want to marry you, not really,” Sirius said. “He just wants to sleep with you. I didn’t want to tell you, but-”

Lily’s eyes flashed. “Enough, Sirius. You may be able to trick James, but you aren’t going to trick me.”

Sirius sighed heavily. “It was worth a try.”

Lily eyed him severely, in a way that reminded him of Professor McGonagall. Still, she didn’t say anything; she just waited.

Sirius continued pacing, running a hand through his hair, which was fortunately out of a damned hair ribbon for once.

“Why didn’t you tell James that I lied?” 

Lily frowned, and he stopped his pacing.

He raised his voice. “Why?” 

“Don’t you dare shout at me,” Lily said, her voice quiet but firm. 

Sirius took a shaking breath and forced himself to speak at a normal volume, although he spoke through gritted teeth. “I just want to know. You could have told James that I lied about you not having feelings for him, but you didn’t. Why?”

“You’re his best friend,” Lily said. “It would kill him to know you lied, and I didn’t want to wreck your friendship. Not when it would hurt James.”

Sirius was hit by a sudden surge of shame. How was it that Lily had been thinking more of James’s wellbeing than he had?

She considered him. “Sirius, I feel sorry for you. I do, but-”

“Do you love him?” Sirius interrupted.

“I-”

“Do you really love him?” Sirius continued hotly. “Would you do anything for him? Would you die for him? Because I would. And if you don’t love him like that, why would you lead him on?”

His voice was steadily rising again, and Lily stood to face him.

“I’m not leading him on.”

Sirius’s heart sank. He had thought that perhaps he could live with this wedding, if he knew for certain that Lily truly cared for James. In reality, hearing that she cared for him was painful.

“I’m not,” Lily repeated firmly. “I do love him. Can that be enough for you? I want to get along, so can you live with this?”

No, Sirius thought.

“Yes,” he said.

Lily’s mouth twisted unhappily. “I really hope we can be friends eventually, Sirius.”

It was a dismissal, and Sirius stalked towards the door.

“One more thing,” Lily said.

He stopped.

“I feel sorry for you.” She said it as a fact, as if this was a kindness, rather than a slap in the face. “But you’ve got to stop trying to keep me and James apart. If you really care about James as much as you say you do, can you let him be happy?”

Sirius bit back an angry retort.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

Once the door was closed again, he slid down the wall, leaning his head back against the stones. Not for the first time, he considered leaving all of this behind and going back to the stones at Craigh na Dun. As usual, he knew he couldn’t leave James, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Do you love him?” Sirius muttered under his breath. “I bet you don’t. Not the way I do.”

There was nothing to be done. He picked himself up the floor and walked back to his and James’s room to get ready for the wedding, feeling a bit like a man on his way to his own execution.

*

As James waited for Lily to walk down the aisle, he tried to commit as many details as possible to memory. He wanted to remember this moment forever. 

He was marrying Lily Evans in 1743. He wasn’t sure which part of that statement was most surreal.

Considering they knew very few people in the Ferguson castle, it seemed as though every inhabitant of the castle had shown up for the ceremony. The hall was packed with witches and wizards, all beaming up at him, their faces bright from the multitude of candles overhead. From the front row, Anne, Brian, and Graham sat together in a line, with expressions ranging from friendliness to cold detachment. James forced himself to look away; he didn’t want to consider that one of them might be a traitor, not on his wedding day. 

Sirius stood beside him, solemn and oddly morose. But soon, he forgot to think about Sirius, and traitors lurking in the castle. How could he think of anything else once he saw Lily?

He could have sworn he heard the entire room inhale as they saw her, and how could they not? James hadn’t thought it was possible for Lily to be anymore beautiful, but somehow she’d managed it today. Her dress caught the candlelight so that it shimmered, or else perhaps it was a spell in the fabric. She wore her red hair up in an elegant arrangement. But the most beautiful thing, he decided, was her expression when she saw him: one of excitement and happiness.

He knew they’d agreed it was a trial marriage, something that didn’t have to last, but as he vowed to love her until “death do us part,” he meant every word. He slipped the gold band onto her graceful finger, and then he kissed her soundly. As the crowd cheered, it seemed to be echoing the cry of James’s own heart. Lily Evans was his wife now, and he was going to do whatever it took to hold onto her.

With all of the witches and wizards congratulating them after the ceremony, James barely had the chance to talk to Lily until dinner. It was agonizing, to be standing so close to her, but not being able to kiss her or talk to her. Instead, he stole glances at her when he could, and whenever she noticed, she smiled brightly back at him. When she didn’t notice, he couldn’t help but think she looked a bit sad.

They sat with the Fergusons at dinner, with Cait and Sirius there as well. 

“Are you okay?” James murmured to her as they sat down.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Lily hesitated, then whispered, “I just wish my parents could have been at my wedding. It was nice of Duncan to walk me down the aisle, but I miss my dad.”

James felt a twinge of sadness. “I know,” he said. “I was feeling the same way this morning. My parents would have loved to be here. But I also think they would have wanted me to enjoy my wedding. I know yours would too.”

Lily nodded, her eyes bright.

“And if you can’t be happy, that’s okay, too,” James added quickly. “Just so you know… I don’t mind.”

It was a slight lie. In his dreams of this wedding—and yes, there had been many—he’d always imagined Lily being as happy to marry him as he was to marry her. But he couldn’t resent her for missing her parents. He missed his, too.

Lily didn’t say anything for a moment, and he worried he’d said something wrong. Then she kissed him on the cheek. 

“Thanks, James.”

He felt himself blush. On Lily’s other side, he could see Cait laughing at him.

Some minutes later, Lily’s hand found his under the table. James froze in surprise, and then he tentatively squeezed hers back. Lily kept talking to Cait as if she hadn’t just made James’s dinner ten times better, and grinning like an idiot, James turned back to his food. He could eat left-handed, he decided.

Dinner passed in a flurry of conversation, delicious food and wine, and toasts. 

“To your new safety,” Brian had said to Lily, tipping his goblet in her direction.

“To your safety,” Sirius had said to James, prompting a few laughs from the others at the table.

“To your love and happiness,” Cait had added, squeezing Lily in a sideways hug.

Graham, James noticed, stayed silent, sipping at his drink as if they wine had gone sour.

After, musicians played lively music while the witches and wizards danced, and though James and Lily didn’t know any of the steps, they joined in as best they could. When they gave up on the steps, they just danced normally—albeit a bit stiffly, in James’s case, thanks to his still healing injuries—while the others in the room shot them strange looks.

“That must be how they dance in England,” James heard a woman say, sounding scandalized.

James caught Sirius’s eye, but Sirius quickly looked away. He turned back to Lily to see she was watching Sirius too.

“He really seems off,” James said, a bit sadly.

“It’s because he isn’t dancing,” Lily said. “Wait here.”

James watched as she ran to Sirius and pulled him to his feet. She said something to him that James couldn’t hear over the din, and then she dragged him back to James. Soon, they were all dancing, and it was so much fun that James forgot about Sirius’s strangeness throughout the day.

Finally, James got up his courage. “Do you want to call it a night?” he asked Lily.

She hesitated, then nodded. “Okay.”

After thanking Duncan and Aoife, and saying good night to their friends, they left. A cheer followed them out the door. James felt his cheeks flush, and Lily was also blushing.

It took them some minutes to find their new room, finally having to ask a house elf for help. When they walked in, Lily whispered, “wow.”

Candlelight and filled the room with a flickering, rosy glow. A four poster bed was against a stone wall. Other than that, their furniture included two chairs and a small table, two nightstands, and a chest of drawers. As rooms in the castle went, it was on the less-grand side of the scale, but there were certain loving touches; a wine bottle sat in the middle of the table, a vase of flowers sat on the chest of drawers, a knitted blanket sat at the bottom of the bed. A chest that James had never seen before sat against one wall.

“Is that yours?” he asked Lily.

“It has your wedding presents inside,” the house elf said.

“Wedding presents?” Lily repeated.

“Yes. Lots and lots.”

Lily thanked the house elf, and the small creature left with a bow. All at once, James and Lily were alone.

Lily sat down on the edge of the bed, avoiding his eyes. He sank down beside her, and she stiffened. 

“What a day,” he said, grinning at her.

“Yeah.” 

She ducked her head and pushed her hair behind her ear, and it was so cute that he had to lean in and kiss her. It was different than the other kisses they’d had, more tentative. He tried to deepen it, and she pulled away.

“We don’t have to,” James said. “Not if you don’t want to.”

He’d never wanted anyone more, and it took all his restraint not to kiss her again. But if Lily didn’t want him, he knew he would stop. 

Lily hesitated. She brought a hand up to cup his jaw, running a thumb along his cheek.

“I want to,” she said softly.

*

His eyes were hazel, and being so close to him, she marvelled at how many colours were in hazel: browns and greens and gold. She had only a moment to think about that before he was kissing her again, more passionately, this time. 

His hands had found the laces at the back of her dress, and he pulled away to swear quietly. 

“How the bloody hell do you get this off?”

Lily laughed and turned around. “With patience.”

“Damn patience,” James muttered. “Can’t I just make it disappear?”

“No, James Potter, you are not allowed to make my wedding dress disappear!”

Now they were both laughing, perhaps from a combination of wine and nerves. Soon, though, he went quiet in concentration as he unlaced the back of her dress. By increments, her bare back was exposed to the cool air of the room, and she shivered, although less from the cold than his touch as his fingers brushed across her skin. James placed a warming hand on her skin before helping her slide out of the dress, which pooled at her feet. She took a deep breath and turned around to face James. He was wearing an odd expression that made her feel self-conscious.

“What?” she asked, resisting the urge to cover herself with her hands.

“You’re just so beautiful,” he breathed.

Suddenly, the room felt quite warm. She moved towards him, batting his reaching hands away with a quiet laugh.

“Your turn,” she said. 

Together, they helped him shed his clothes remarkably quickly. As his white shirt slipped off, revealing bare skin, Lily paused. James was leanly muscled, and now she was the one who had to resist the urge to touch. Slowly, she circled around to his back, James turning with her at first.

“Stop,” she ordered.

He stayed still as she quietly looked at the damage on his back. A week and a half later, the scabs were almost healed. Angry red lines crisscrossed over his skin, some wrapping around his torso to his ribs; even with the magic here, it would take time for them to fade to white. 

“I know it’s probably pretty ugly,” James said, a bit nervously, Lily thought.

He trailed off as she brushed her lips between his shoulder blades.

“You’re beautiful, too,” she murmured.

He turned and captured her lips with his. This kiss was electric, his hands travelling over her bare skin sparking a need that she’d never felt before. 

“Take off your bloody pants,” she gasped.

He quickly complied.

Later, as Lily lay in bed, James’s arms wrapped around her, she thought there was only one word for what she and James had together. It was pure magic.


	14. Chapter 14

Lily woke to the sound of distant rain outside their room’s window, and to the gentle sound of James’s even breathing. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, she turned over to face him. Part of her was surprised to see him there, because marrying James Potter in 1743 sounded like a bizarre dream more than reality. But there he was, solid and real; beyond that, the pleasant soreness she was feeling was reminder enough that last night had happened.

Her gaze travelled over him. His hair was even messier than usual, sticking up every which way. He looked different without his glasses, although not a bad way. His newly crooked nose suited him, Lily thought. She resisted the urge to kiss him, and instead watched him sleep, filled with a strange warmth. 

After some minutes, James’s eyes blinked open. They focused on Lily, and a slow smile spread across his face.

“Good morning,” he murmured. 

She kissed him softly. “Good morning.”

He let out a huff of laughter.

“What?” she asked, suddenly self-conscious. 

“I was just thinking how much James-from-a-few-years-ago…or even James-from-a-few-days-ago… would have loved to see this: Lily Evans willingly kissing him. He would have died of happiness.”

“You’d better not die,” Lily said with a mischievous grin. “Not now that I’ve figured out how good you are in bed.”

“Please let that be a hint that you want to-”

*

After, they lay beside each other, Lily’s head rested on James’s shoulder.

“Petunia would be so angry that I got married before her,” Lily said, a bit absently.

She felt rather than heard his small laugh. 

“Two hundred fifty years before her,” James said. “Also, excellent pillow talk, Evans. Nothing quite as intimate as talking about your sister.”

“Shut up, Potter.”

“Right.”

“James?”

“Yes?”

She propped her head up, her hair falling loosely as she looked at him. 

“I didn’t think I would ever be happy again, not after my parents died,” she said. “I don’t know how you do it, James, but you bring this… light with you wherever you go. You make the bad things not matter as much.”

“I try.”

She shoved him lightly. “Modest as ever.”

His smile faded, and she felt a twinge of concern.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…”

“No, it’s just… I was thinking. Younger Lily didn’t like me very much. She would have been miserable to see the future.”

Lily laughed. “Yes, I think she would have been.”

“But you like me now…” James said. He hesitated. “What changed?”

Lily shrugged. “We did.”

He was quiet for a moment.

“Don’t think about the past,” Lily said. “You grew into a person I admire and love. Isn’t that enough?”

“Oh, absolutely,” James replied, finding her hand with his. “So… you love me?”

Lily hadn’t realized what she’d said at first, and so she stared blankly at James for a second. Then, she meant to brush the comment off, but found she couldn’t, not when she could see the vulnerability in James face. He may have been pretending to be casual, but she knew her answer, or lack of one, would matter.

“I do,” she said. 

*

A house elf brought them breakfast, and they ate together at their small table, dressed only in their robes.

“To think I was so worried I’d do it wrong,” Lily said as they ate. 

James didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. “‘It’ was happy to be done, regardless,” James said with a grin. 

Lily froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. “Does that mean I was bad at it?”

She looked so worried that James burst out laughing. “No, no. Definitely not. Quite the opposite. Although, practice makes perfect… if I say you’re bad at it, does that mean you’ll want to go again?”

Lily smirked. “You are insatiable.”

“Is that a yes?”

There was a sudden knock on the door. The knocking continued after a brief pause, with an urgency that changed James’s annoyance to dread. Wordlessly, Lily grabbed their wands and tossed James his. James threw open the door, his wand raised. Cait was at the door, and she walked in without invitation, ignoring James’s wand entirely.

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked, hurrying to meet her friend.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Cait said shakily. “Oh, Merlin, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

Cait’s worry was contagious. James shared a look with Lily, who looked as panicked as he was. 

“What?” James demanded.

“I’ve been looking into those stones at Craigh na Dun. Asking around, looking into the castle’s library.”

James just looked at her blankly. “Why are you looking into-”

“Lily told me you’re from the future,” Cait said shortly.

“What?” James said, outraged. “Lily!”

Lily avoided his eyes. “Sorry. It just came up…”

“It came up?!”

“Never mind that. You can argue about it later,” Cait said.

“What did you find?” Lily asked urgently.

Cait took a deep breath. “So I know you three have assumed that you can go back to the future anytime you please…”

James’s chest constricted. “Please… please don’t say we can’t.”

“I’m not sure,” Cait said. “But from what I understand, the stones don’t just carry you between 1978 and 1743. There was one wizard who was locked away for insanity, because he claimed to come from 1842… this was in 1571. He also claimed that he’d been to 1432 before that, which makes me think he tried to get back… unsuccessfully.”

Lily was very pale. “So we’re stuck back in time?”

“Not necessarily,” Cait said. “A witch claimed she had figured it out. She said that it mattered which stone you touched, and when. So if you ever want to go back, you have to touch the right stone at the perfect time.”

“We touched the stone on August 8th,” James said. “I remember.”

“Does that mean we would just have to touch it around the same time on August 8th of next year?” Lily asked. 

“I’m not sure,” Cait said. “But I was able to track down the name of the witch who had written about it, and the good news is, she’s alive.”

“We need to find her, then,” James said immediately. He turned to Lily. “I know we said we’d change the past, and we’ll still do that. But it would be nice to know we can get home afterwards.”

Lily nodded grimly. “Who’s the witch, Cait? How do we find her?”

“Her name is Pascale Malfoy. She lives in Paris.”

James’s eyes widened. “As in Paris, France?”

“We’ll send a letter,” Lily decided. “Um… how’s your French, Cait?”

“Atrocious. But I can write the letter for you.”

Lily hugged her. “Thank you, Cait. You must have been up all night.”

“Just about,” Cait said. Then, she grinned, looking them both up and down. “You two must have been up all night as well.”

“Just about,” James admitted.

“James!” Lily said, her face flushing.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to catch up on your, um, sleep.” She winked.

“She’s nice,” James said, once he was left alone with Lily again.

“I’m sorry I told her about the stones,” Lily said in a rush. “I said something without thinking, and-”

“It’s fine.”

She bit her lip. “Really?”

“It worked out okay. I mean, she’s trying to help us. We’ll just be careful to not tell anyone else.”

Lily buried her face in his shoulder, and he held her tightly.

“What if I got us stuck here?” she asked, so quietly that he almost missed it.

James kissed the top of her head. “I can think of worse things.”

“Really?” she asked skeptically.

“Definitely.”

“But what about your friends, and your home, and-”

“I’d miss them,” James said carefully. “And I’d miss showers-” Lily made a noise of agreement, “-and more comfortable clothes, and countless other things. But if I’d rather be here with you, even if it means never having any of those things again. I don’t regret following you here. I never could.”

*

After having dinner together in their room and drinking the wine they had left untouched the night before, Lily curled up against him on the bed. James’s heart had never felt so full.

“Tell me something,” he said. 

She glanced up at him. “Like what?”“Something about you. Something that I don’t know.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Can it be something terrible?”

“Yes.”

“Right before you saved me from that trial… and right after they killed Bertha… Severus Prince told me he would marry me, if I wanted to save myself.”

A chill went up James’s spine. “That is terrible.”

“That isn’t the terrible part.” Lily took a deep breath. “For a second, I was so afraid that I almost considered it.”

James swallowed hard. “Are you telling me that you married me because I was the better option over Severus Prince?”

“No, of course not,” Lily said gently. “I would never marry someone I didn’t care for, James. I’m just telling you because I want you to know that even though I was a Gryffindor, I’m not always very brave.”

“Neither am I,” James admitted quietly.

He held her more tightly.

“What are you thinking about?” Lily asked.

“I don’t want to tell you.” 

“You don’t have to,” Lily told him.

“No… I do.”

She waited, expectant, while he gathered his courage.

“When Severus Prince had me in that room, and he was hurting me…”  
Lily had stiffened under his touch, but James kept going.

“He told me he would come back. And he told me that when he did, he was going to rape me.”

Lily inhaled sharply. 

“And I couldn’t be brave, when he told me that,” James said quietly. “I pleaded with him. And he just laughed.”

“Oh God…” Lily shuddered. “He’s a monster.”

“I’d never felt so completely helpless before. It was horrible.”

James focused on Lily, on her warmth as they held each other.

“You faced him again to save me,” Lily said. “And I’m not sure I ever thanked you.”

“I think you thanked me several times last night…”

She didn’t laugh, as he’d hoped. Instead, she sat up straight to face him. 

“Thank you, James,” she whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

Sirius sat alone in the courtyard. It had been three days since the wedding, and also three long days since he had seen James. What could possibly be occupying James’s time so completely? Surely he and Lily hadn’t been shagging for three days straight? Weren’t they sick of each other yet? It was a thought that came more from bitterness than reason, because Sirius knew that if he were given the chance the have sex with James, he probably wouldn’t stop for at least three days straight either. 

The sky above was a dull grey, and the courtyard was nearly deserted due to the impending bad weather. Even as Sirius sat miserably outside on a bench, a light rain started to fall. He considered going inside, following the witches and wizards who were fleeing into the castle. In the end, he decided it was too much effort, so he stayed outside and got wet.

He tipped his head back and groaned. “Why?”

“Well, aren’t you a pathetic sight.”

He hadn’t heard Cait approach thanks to the rain that was now pounding against the cobblestones, but she stood over him like some sort of frightful spectre, one hand on her hip, the other holding a basket.

“Go away, Cait.”

In answer, she sat down beside him on the wet other half of the bench. 

“You look like a drowned cat,” she told him.

“Go away!” he groaned again.

“Wallowing in misery really doesn’t become a person.”

“What do you want?” he snapped. “Are you just here to insult me?”

“Partly,” she said, putting the basket down. 

She began to rummage through her basket. To his surprise, she pulled out a flask and offered it to him.

“If you’re trying to get me drunk, you should know that witches aren’t my type.”

It was a mark of how bad this week had been that he would admit that out loud, something he hadn’t been brave enough to do even in 1978. It was rather stupid to say it, really, because an eighteenth-century witch certainly wouldn’t take such an admission well, but he was feeling reckless. He waited, silently daring her to make some comment.

“Obviously,” she said. “But if you don’t want the drink-”

He was so surprised to hear such a nonchalant response to him coming out that it took a moment for the second sentence to register.

He snatched the flask out of her hand. “I didn’t say that.”

She smirked as he took a large swig. It tasted like pure alcohol, and he had to fight the urge to grimace.

“I hope you aren’t planning to cause problems for Lily,” Cait said. “She and James are really happy right now.”

Sirius scowled at the castle wall. “Only because she’s jumping his bones. I’m sure the honeymoon phase will end soon.”

He realized too late that this may be modern slang Cait didn’t know, but evidently she got the idea. 

Cait grabbed the flask back. “You can have this back when you’re less mean.”

“It tastes like shit anyway.”

Cait huffed out a breath. “Lily is a special person, and she deserves to be happy.”

“A special person? What does that even mean?” Sirius said. “Sure, she has nice tits, apparently, but I don’t see what else.”

“You deserve a good slap across the face.”

“Why not give me one? I’ve had plenty in my time. I can take it.”

Cait didn’t answer for a while, and so Sirius sat in silence, fuming. It took him a solid minute to realize she was drinking steadily from the flask. That seemed odd, to Sirius. What reason did she have to drink during the day?

“Who hit you?” she asked. 

“What?”

“If you’ve ‘had plenty,’ who did it to you?”

“Mind your own business.”

She waited patiently, taking another swig.

“My parents,” Sirius said finally.

Cait glanced sideways at him. “I guess we have some things in common, then, Sirius Black.”

Sirius frowned. “Seriously?”

“My parents were great advocates for muggles and muggleborns. They died defending them, and so everyone talks about them like they’re heroes.” She scoffed. “Their cause was noble. But they weren’t heroes to me. Going to Hogwarts was the second best thing that had ever happened to me, because it meant I was out of reach for months at a time. The best thing was their deaths.”

“Oh, geez. I’m sorry.”

“Lily thinks I’m kind for giving her their wedding rings. But I was so glad to be rid of them.”

She held up one bare hand, watching it with a stony expression, before taking another long drink. 

Sirius was starting to be a bit freaked out. “Did something happen?”

Cait laughed bitterly. “Oh, yes.”

“Um… that’s too bad.” Sirius was beginning to look for escape routes.

“Brian got engaged to a rich English witch. An orphaned healer wasn’t a good enough match in Duncan’s eyes, and so their wedding will be happening in December. So, you see, Sirius, we have another thing in common. We both had our hearts broken this week.”

He thought she might have been crying, but it was hard to tell in the rain.

Sirius yanked the flask out of her hand. “I think you’ve had enough.”

He took another drink. Dealing with a miserable Cait was not something he imagined he would do today.

“It’s awful,” Cait said. Her voice was small; she was definitely crying. “It’s so awful.”

Sirius still wasn’t sure why she had sought him out. Was she expecting some words of comfort? Some advice on how to deal with heartbreak? If so, he had nothing to give her. Still, being miserable with someone else was slightly better than being miserable alone, and so Sirius sat with her for some time, shivering and drinking in the rain.

*

James waited in the doorway of Duncan Ferguson’s study, listening to the steady scratching of his quill as Duncan finished the letter he was writing. Outside, rain pattered against the castle, mingling with the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace. Even hovering at the door, James could feel the warmth radiating from the fireplace, making the room several degrees warmer than the cooler hallways. The overall effect was cosy, but it did little to calm James’s nerves, especially as Duncan kept him waiting.

After what felt like an eternity, Duncan placed down his quill and looked up at James. His expression lacked its usual warmth; it was careful, guarded. Without his smile, he resembled his sons much more.

“Have a seat,” he told James.

James sat in the heavy chair on the other side of his desk. He had been in this position often enough at Hogwarts to have the distinct sense that he was in trouble, even though James wasn’t sure what he could have possibly done in this case.

“Um… Lily and I wanted to thank you for the wedding presents,” James said. “Thank you for the money… and the room, and… well, the wedding, really…”

A glimmer of Duncan’s usual good humour returned as his lips twitched, which comforted James slightly. Whatever had happened was serious enough to warrant a discussion, but not incarceration. That was a good sign, too.

“I know when you fled, you weren’t able to bring much with you,” Duncan said. “I’m happy to help.”

“You didn’t have to give us anything. You’ve already given us a home. I don’t know how we can ever repay you.”

Duncan turned serious once again. “Perhaps you can.” He sighed heavily. “I wrote to your relatives in England to invite them to the wedding, you know.”

James felt the blood drain from his face. “I’m guessing they declined.” He forced a laugh.

“The Potters not only declined, they also claimed they had no son named James.”

James searched for an answer, but his mind had gone disturbingly and completely blank.

“And they claimed that if they did, and he chose to marry a muggleborn, they would not want him as a son any longer. And these, the same people that taught Lily about magic!”

James could feel himself breaking into a cold sweat. If Duncan now thought him a liar, what would he do to them? Would he think James was a traitor and execute him?

Duncan patted one of James’s hands, which was gripping the edge of the desk.

“I know it must be difficult news to hear,” he said gently. “Your own family pretending you don’t exist because of whom you choose to love: it’s a terrible fate.”

Once his words registered, James nodded, relieved. “They always had some sympathy for Lily, but I don’t think they wanted me to marry her.”

“I’m sure they’ll come around, even if it isn’t the life they wanted for you,” Duncan said. “A parent only wants what’s best for their child, of course, and so even their cruelty must come from a place of love. You’ve chosen a difficult life, James. Things won’t be easy for the two of you. I suspect Severus Prince won’t take being thwarted by you well; while he has power, you and Lily will always have to live in fear.”

He leaned forward, gaze suddenly intense. “Which is why we need to stop him.”

James felt a surge of excitement. “You’re planning something?”

“You’ve earned my trust, James,” Duncan said. “Breaking into Hogwarts to save a muggleborn, the veritaserum… all of it has just proven to me that you and Lily are on our side. We’ve been resisting the English, but I’m hoping to fight them more openly in the future. Can I count on your help?”

“Yes. Yes, absolutely,” he rushed to say. “How can we help?”

“To fight, we need funds, and we need support. Write to your relatives and ask for funds. Your education was different than my children’s. I would like you to duel each other occasionally, to learn from each other. And when the time comes, I will ask you and Lily to fight.”

“And Sirius.”

Duncan’s expression became guarded. “You trust him?"

“With my life.”

“Then, yes, Sirius should join us, too.” Duncan hesitated. “I may also ask more of you.”

“Yes?”

“There are few people I trust in this castle,” Duncan said. “If I have to send someone around the country to gather support and funds, I may ask it of you, although it would be dangerous.”

“Lily, Sirius, and I are willing to do anything for this cause,” James said.

Duncan nodded his approval. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

*

James felt light after leaving Duncan’s study. With little effort on his own part, he had somehow become part of this rebellion, which brought him one step closer to changing the future. He couldn’t wait to tell Lily.

He was also one step closer to being able to return home, but to his surprise, he found the thought of returning home filled him with mixed feelings. The 1740s was a dangerous time, and he hated many thing about being here. But Lily was his wife here, and he hadn’t forgotten their agreement. What if they returned to 1978 and Lily decided she didn’t want to stay married? Now that he really thought about it, he thought that if that Malfoy witch never answered with information about the stones, James could be quite happy. 

When he reached the infirmary, the door was open. Lily’s back was to him as she stirred a potion, and her hair was up, as it always was when she made potions. He crept up behind her and put his hands on her waist, causing her to shriek and whirl around, her wand pointed in his face. He held up his hands, laughing.

“James!” 

“Sorry, sorry,” he said.

He leaned in to kiss her, and clearly she wasn’t too angry, because she kissed him back enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around him.

Someone cleared their throat, and James and Lily sprang apart. 

Lily’s eyes widened. “Cait… what happened?!” 

James could only stare as well. Cait was blue-lipped and shivering, her arms hugging herself. Not only that, but James thought she was the picture of misery.

“Oh, nothing,” she said. “I got caught in the rain, that’s all. I was checking on that wizard with the sniffles…”

She sniffed.

“I’ll get you some pepperup potion,” Lily said. “I just made some.”

“Thanks, Lily.”

James grabbed a blanket off the bed to wrap around Cait’s shoulders, then guided her to a chair. 

“Was he all better?” Lily asked. “The wizard with the sniffles, I mean.”

“I don’t think it’s the sniffles, Lily. Your pepperup potion did nothing for him. He was even more ill today.”

James froze. “What do you think it is? What’s wrong with him?”

“Not sure, entirely,” Cait said tiredly. “Today he has some spots. Looks faintly green. It doesn’t look good.”

James felt sick, and Lily was watching him with concern. She could also guess what it was, then.

Cait looked between him and Lily. “You two know what it is?”

“It sounds like dragon pox,” James said hollowly.

Lily grabbed his hand, and he held on tightly, finding comfort in her touch. Cait had gone a few shades paler.

“Oh, that’s bad…” Cait breathed. “I need to tell Duncan.”

James took in the sight of her shivering in the chair. “I’ll go. You just rest here and get warm.”

Reluctantly, he let go of Lily’s hand, and shakily made his way to the door. Once out of the room, he felt his breaths start to come more rapidly. He buried his face in his hands. How was it he had gone back two hundred and fifty years, and he still couldn’t escape the ghosts of his parents? And if dragon pox was nearby, that meant it could come here.

“James… James…”

Someone pulled his hands away from his face, and he looked down at Lily’s beautiful face, the crease between her eyebrows back as she looked at him with concern.

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping…”

“I gave her the potion, and she’s just lying down. She’ll be fine for a few minutes; I wasn’t sure you would be.”

He realized he was shaking.

“Lily…” he said. He had to pause and catch his breath before he continued. “What if I die like my parents? Or worse, what if you catch it? Or Sirius? If you die, what will I have left?”

“You can’t think like that,” Lily said. “It’s not at the castle yet.”

“But it will be.”

Lily cupped his jaw. “We’ll get through it. I promise.”

He knew she couldn’t really promise something like that, but he found it comforting nonetheless. 

“Lily,” Cait called from the room.

“Will you be okay?” Lily asked him.

“I think so.”

“Hurry back.”

She kissed him on his cheek. As he watched her go back into the infirmary, James touched where her lips had brushed against his skin. The touch gave him courage, and he walked back towards Duncan’s study to deliver the bad news.


	16. Chapter 16

Over breakfast the next morning, a house elf brought two notes: one for Lily, and one for James.

“It’s from Duncan,” James said, after skimming the note’s contents. “There are some muggleborns arriving from England at the end of the week. He wants us to help get them to the castle from their portkey location.”

Lily looked up from her own note abruptly. “They haven’t caught the traitor yet. Severus Prince is going to be waiting.”

“I know. But I’ll still go.”

“I will too, of course,” Lily said.

She was already standing up, her breakfast abandoned with the open note beside it. James recognized Cait’s elegant scrawl.

“It’s not for a few days,” James reminded her.

“I know. Cait needs my help. Apparently an entire family is ill now.”

James could only stare, open-mouthed, as Lily started to change, and for once, he wasn’t staring in admiration.

“You can’t mean…” he began, then tried again. “You’re not going, are you?”

“Of course I’m going,” she said, lacing up her bodice. “I’m Cait’s partner-”

“Unofficially,” James interrupted. “And aren’t you the potion-making side of the healing? You don’t know anything about healing spells, or…”

“Cait’s been teaching me. And besides, it’s dragon pox. She’ll need all the help she can get.”

James stood and caught her hand before she could leave. “Lily, don’t go.”

“I’ll be back soon,” she said. She brought his hand to her lips and pressed her lips to it. “Besides, aren’t you practicing duelling today? You’ll be busy enough without me-”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it,” he said tightly. “Dragon pox is contagious. You could get sick.”

Lily sighed. “I know. But it’s not fair to make Cait do all that work alone. I’m not going to let people die because I’m too afraid to help them. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Can’t someone else help Cait?”

“It would be selfish of me to make someone else take the risk.”

“It’s selfish of you to take the risk. You’re going so you can feel good about yourself? Fine. But you’re going to get sick, and when you do, you’re going to spread it to me as well.”

There was a beat of silence, in which James had plenty of time to contemplate how badly he had just messed up. Lily pulled her hand away from his.

“I’m sure I can stay with Cait while dragon pox is an issue,” she said coolly. “Is that less ‘selfish?’”

This was really not the outcome James had expected. 

“Lily, wait… I said that wrong. You’re not selfish. I am, because I care about you too much to watch you die. Please don’t make me watch that.”

She softened, and he waited with bated breath. He wasn’t above begging on bended knee, he decided, if it came to that.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll ask Cait if she can use another assistant, and I’ll try to help on the potions end.”

He pulled her into an embrace. “Thank you.”

*

By now, brewing potions in the infirmary had become a soothing routine for Lily. Although creating the perfect potion was a challenge that required creativity and problem-solving, there was still something calming about it. Unlike some other branches of magic, potions had always seemed logical; if she got the ingredients and their ratios just right, she would end up with the proper result. It would be wonderful, she thought, if life were that neat.

Today, her heart wasn’t quite in what she was doing. Cait was off risking her life, while Lily stayed here. James was off practicing duelling, which she wouldn’t have minded doing herself, if she hadn’t been needed here. She knew that what she was doing was important, but it was hard to feel that way when what she was doing was so mundane.

She was adjusting her hair again when the door opened. She turned around, expecting to see James. Instead, she saw Anne supporting Cait. Lily hurried to help, and together they got Cait onto one of the beds.

“I’m fine,” Cait said, her voice a bit hoarse. “Just felt a bit faint suddenly.”

Lily looked closely at her friend, and her heart clenched. Her skin was covered in faint spots. Even as Lily watched, she started shivering, and Lily was struck with a surge of guilt, because she should have seen the signs. Yesterday, Cait had been freezing and pale and sniffling, and while she had claimed it was because she had been out in the rain, Lily should have suspected something. She’d known an illness was going around. What if Cait never got better, all because Lily hadn’t seen the signs early enough?

Anne murmured a quiet spell, and the room got slightly warmer.

“Try to rest,” Anne said.

In answer, Cait closed her eyes, pulling the blankets up to her chin. 

Lily had never really spoken to Anne. While Anne had congratulated her quite warmly at the wedding, Lily hadn’t entirely been able to get past the memory of Anne kissing James so enthusiastically. Any perceived enmity was forgotten now, though, as she and Lily crept just outside the door to talk.

“You were helping Cait today?” Lily asked quietly.

Anne nodded grimly. “I didn’t really know what I was doing, but there wasn’t much to do, in the end.”

“The wizard recovered?”

“No. He died.”

Lily inhaled sharply. “And his family?”

“We did what we could for them, and then Cait started to feel faint.”

Lily glanced back through the infirmary door.

“What do you know about dragon pox?” asked Anne. “You know a bit about healing, so I just wondered…”

“I don’t know too much, really,” Lily said, although this was a lie. After she had learned James’s parents had died from it, she’d gone to the Hogwarts library and read about it with a morbid curiosity. “I know that it starts with spots, fever, and some respiratory issues. Then your skin takes on a greenish tinge briefly, and that’s the worst of it; after the green goes away, you recover… or you don’t.”

“And do you know how to treat it?”

“I know a few potions that can help with some of the symptoms.”

Anne hesitated. “I’ll be frank with you, Lily. I don’t know anything about dragon pox. I was helping Cait today, but I’m rubbish at potions, and…” she took a deep breath. “I know you’d rather not be involved in treating this, but… honestly, I think you’re the best healer we have in the castle, because you’re so good with potions, and…”

“Of course I’ll help,” Lily said.

She said a silent apology to James, and then retreated back into the infirmary to continue making her potions.

*

Lily tentatively unlocked the door to her room. She had worked late into the evening on potions and tending to Cait, and she felt dead on her feet. The room was so quiet on the other side of the door that she wondered if James was napping, but as the door creaked open, she could see James sitting at the table, his head in his hands.

“I suppose you’ve heard what’s happened,” she said cautiously. “I did wash my hands well and keep my distance as much as possible, but do you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?”

She trailed off, waiting for the rage, but it never came. 

“No,” he said, lifting his head. His eyes were red and swollen.

“You’re not angry?” 

“I was at first,” he said dully. “But then I thought, if I was in your place, and Sirius was in Cait’s… I’d do the same thing.”

“That’s very mature of you.”

“You sound surprised.”

“I’m not, really.”

She was amazed to find she meant it. The James she had known even a year ago probably would have reacted immaturely, but the man she had married always seemed to pleasantly surprise her.

“So it’s okay if I touch you?” she asked.

He nodded, and she moved behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She kissed his cheek.

“I love you, James,” she whispered.

Abruptly, he stood. He guided her so that her back was pressed against the wall, and he kissed her fiercely. He moved his lips to her neck; she gasped as his teeth scraped lightly against her skin. His hands were already fumbling at the laces on the front of her dress, and she batted his hands away, knowing she would make quicker work of it.

This time, making love was different. So far, sex between them had been gentle, but tonight, it was far more rough. When they had finished, they lay beside each other, gasping.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” James asked worriedly.

“Are you kidding? That was amazing,” she said.

He held tightly to her hand. Suddenly, his eyes were bright.

“If you die on me, Evans-”

“Potter.”

“What?”

“You should be calling me Potter now,” she said.

She saw a flicker of a smile. “I keep forgetting.”

He fell asleep soon after. She felt his breaths even out, her hand resting on his chest. Guilt consumed her, even though she knew that she couldn’t have abandoned her friend with her illness.

“James?” she whispered.

He didn’t stir. She gave him one last kiss on the cheek, and then she fell asleep in his arms.

*

The next morning, Lily arrived at the infirmary to see Anne asleep in a chair next to Cait, whose skin had definitely taken on a greenish tinge. Lily listened for a moment to her friend’s laboured breathing, her heart heavy, before tiptoeing past them to her cauldrons. 

Panic threatened to overwhelm her. She wasn’t a healer, not really, so why did she think she could help her friend survive this? She reminded herself sternly that she had no choice; she was ill-equipped, but she was more capable of helping than anyone else here. Before coming here, she had tried to convince Duncan that he should try to bring in a healer from elsewhere, but Duncan had claimed that bringing in strangers could be dangerous for the muggleborns he was still relocating. Lily had been too tired to argue, and so she was back here, facing her utter inadequacy. 

There was a quiet knock, and Lily turned to see James standing in the doorway.

She held a finger to her lips, and he nodded, moving towards her. 

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

“I’m here to help.”

She stared. “But don’t you want to stay away from…”

“I figure that since you’re here, my chances of getting dragon pox are pretty high anyway. I might as well be useful.” When she didn’t answer, he hurried to add, “I know I’m not as good at potions as you are, but if you tell me what to do, I- oof!”

Lily hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”

*

By the end of the week, the infirmary was packed with sick witches and wizards. The number of beds in the small room had doubled, and there was hardly room to walk around. Cait was still in one of the beds, although she was starting to look more like herself; the green had nearly disappeared from her skin, and her cheeks were a slightly healthier colour. 

“I’m very lucky,” Sirius told James. “Cait and I were, well, drinking together. We drank from the same flask, and-”

James recoiled. 

“Don’t worry,” Sirius said quickly. “I had dragon pox as a kid. You can only catch it once.”

He had to work hard to hide how pleased he was that James was concerned for his well-being. His happiness quickly disappeared, though.

“So… you and Cait?” James said with a grin. “I could see it.”

“Nah. I’m not into blondes. Her main attraction is her seemingly endless alcohol supply.”

James scoffed, and Sirius quickly changed the subject.

“So, tonight, we’re going to help those muggleborns. Is Lily coming?”

“No,” James said, sounding relieved. “Duncan says that with dragon pox, and her being the only healer in the castle, sending her out to a potential fight would be a bad idea. Lily’s quite upset about it, but I think I was able to convince her that Duncan has the right idea.”

“It’s too bad that Lily’s upset,” Sirius said, a bit disingenuously.

“That was extremely unconvincing.”

“I just don’t want you distracted,” Sirius said. “And you have to admit, it will be nice to go on a mission together without some girl tagging along.”

“Lily isn’t ‘some girl,’” James said. “She’s my wife.”

Sirius resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I know, Prongs.”

“But you’re right. It will be nice to know that she’s safe… or as safe as you can be when you’re helping to treat people with dragon pox.”

Sirius felt a surge of anger towards Lily for putting James through this. James had told him everything, and so Sirius knew that despite James begging Lily to not put herself at risk, she was doing it anyway. She knew that his parents had died from dragon pox, and she was still putting herself in a position to catch it.

“Well, I’ll see you later,” James said.

As he walked away, Sirius couldn’t help noticing that he stifled a sneeze.


	17. Chapter 17

Lily didn’t normally stay at the infirmary so late. Tonight, she needed the distraction. 

Usually, someone else spent the night in the infirmary, although they had been instructed to fetch Lily if anyone took a turn for the worst. Lily wasn’t sure why, considering there was nothing she could do but try to make them more comfortable as they struggled to survive; even in her own time, there was no cure for dragon pox. 

Her nerves were particularly frayed today. Anne had fetched her in the early hours of the morning to help an elderly witch, who had died shortly after Lily arrived. And now James was off fighting, and she was stuck here.

She needed something to do, but her patients all appeared to be sleeping, and her supply of potions was well-stocked by now. The sounds of laboured breathing filled the room in a morbid sort of chorus, and listening to it was affecting Lily too, because she was finding it hard to breathe as well.

And it wasn’t just the situation that was bothering her. She was burnt out. She was tired of watching people die while she couldn’t do anything. She was scared that something would happen to James. But she was also angry to be left behind. Duncan had tried to frame it as her being too “valuable” to risk in a fight, but what sort of nonsense was that? He really thought her life was inherently more valuable just because she knew how to make a few potions that did next to nothing for these sick people?

Lily couldn’t help but feel like this was a criticism of her capabilities. Having never even seen her duel, Duncan had assumed that her only value was as a potioneer. Lily hadn’t forgotten her conversation with Graham, when he’d told her she was only good at potions because it was “less magical.” Did Duncan feel the same way, even as he fought against Severus Prince and his cause? Did he just assume that she couldn’t duel well, because she was muggleborn?

Mostly, Lily felt stupid. She thought she could fight? She thought that she deserved the chance to fight for what she believed in? No, she was the potions witch, and that was all she would ever be.

Part of her wanted to cry, and another wanted to hit something hard. She felt as though she would suffocate if she stayed in this room a second longer. She couldn’t abandon the room entirely, but surely she could just sit in the hall for a while, if she kept the door open?

She slipped out the door, almost tripping over a man crouched outside of it. He straightened rapidly.

“Brian,” she said. “What are you…”

She took in what he had left at his feet. It was a small bouquet of red roses. There was a tag attached with one word on it: Cait. 

“I suppose you think I’m a terrible person,” he said, breaking the long silence that had fallen between them.

Lily considered him. “I think Cait’s missed you. She’s been wondering where you’ve been. Lots of people have been sending her notes. She’s noticed that you haven’t. Can I tell her these are from you?”

“No,” he said quickly. “No, my father wouldn’t like that, and I… I wouldn’t want to give her the wrong impression.” Lily began to speak, but he cut her off. “Is she alright? She’s doing better?”

“Much better. She’ll be able to go back to her own room by tomorrow, I’d guess.”

“Good.” He shifted awkwardly. “I’ve been worried sick, to tell you the truth.”

Lily hesitated. “I think that if you’ve decided you’re marrying someone else, you should stay away. Cait doesn’t need-”

“Decided?” he laughed hollowly. “When do I decide anything in this castle? My father decides it all. We’re all just puppets to his whims.”

Lily shared his bitterness on this point, but she bit her tongue.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Lily said.

The inside of the infirmary seemed far more appealing after this uncomfortable conversation, and so Lily said a quiet “good night” and turned to go inside.

“Wait, Lily… please give her the flowers?”

Lily accepted the small bouquet. As soon as she heard Brian’s footsteps retreat, she murmured “incendio” and watched the roses burn down to ash.

“Lily?”

She jumped at the sound of Cait’s voice.

“Are you okay?” she asked, moving to crouch at her bedside.

“Why were you burning flowers?” Cait asked, her voice slightly hoarse.

“James knows I hate roses,” Lily said. “He can try again tomorrow.”

Cait huffed out a laugh. “You burned his flowers? Lily, for such a sweet witch, you can be delectably evil sometimes. And you should have given them to me. I love roses.”

She sounded a bit wistful, and all at once, Lily’s lie seemed to take on a new weight. She reminded herself that it was for Cait’s own good, but it was hard to believe it when Cait seemed so sad.

Lily said a quiet spell, and a new bouquet of roses grew, this time yellow.

“There. Now you have some,” Lily said.

Cait smiled a small smile. “Thanks, Lily.”

*

The muggleborns were supposed to arrive in the woods, just a few kilometres north of the castle. The group that went to meet them was relatively small: five witches and wizards, as well as James and Sirius. James knew none of the five, except by sight, but they all seemed friendly.

“Congratulations on your marriage,” one of the wizards told him when they met. He was a man whose true age was masked by the breadth of his impressive moustache. “I hope all is going well?”

James blushed and stammered out something not particularly coherent, and the wizard grinned widely in response.

Because it was a location James and Sirius had never been to before, they flew in on broomsticks. Initially, James was excited, because he had missed being on a broomstick. He quickly lost his excitement as he discovered the brooms were slow and not very maneuverable. Broom technology, it seemed, had a long way to go.

They wore black masks that covered the top half of their faces, in case of an ambush. Unfortunately, these masks were not designed with glasses in mind. Sirius took one look at James and doubled over with laughter.

“You look ridiculous.”

“Oh, shut up. It’s either this, or not being able to see.”

James couldn’t see himself, but he knew Sirius was right. Glasses over a mask were probably not his best look, and he was suddenly very glad that Lily wasn’t along to see this.

When James first landed in the meeting spot, he was filled with adrenaline; this faded as the minutes passed and there was no sign of anyone at all, friend or foe. He was just started to get truly bored when everything went to hell. 

There was the sound of someone apparating nearby, followed by more sounds as a dozen wizards and witches appeared. The wizard with the moustache swore. James deflected a curse, and as he ducked another, the portkey arrived. Four adults and two children arrived into the chaos, the children screaming. 

The moustached wizard grabbed each child and apparated. The plan had been to get the muggleborns and escape back to the castle; James and Sirius worked to hold off the attack as one by one, their allies disapparated with the muggleborns. Finally, James shared a nod with Sirius, and they prepared to disapparate.

“Accio mask!” a wizard shouted.

James cried out as his mask flew off of his face, taking his glasses with it.

“Accio glasses!” James shouted.

They flew into his hand, and he disapparated, but with the sinking feeling that the damage had already been done.

*

After sprinting up a flight of stairs, James discovered that Lily was not in their room. He also discovered that he’d gotten into rather bad shape since travelling back in time, because running through the castle had thoroughly winded him; he couldn’t seem to get a deep breath.

He found Lily sitting outside of the infirmary, leaned back against the stone wall. When she saw him and Sirius, she stood, her relief obvious. She ran to James and hugged him tightly, and he had a moment of mingled happiness and disbelief. This was his life now: Lily Evans actually wanted to touch him. He didn’t think he would ever stop being amazed by that.

With some difficulty, James forced himself to pull away from her embrace. “We need to leave.”

Her relief quickly turned to alarm. “What happened?”

“We were attacked, and the attackers saw my face. We were wearing masks, but someone summoned mine, and…”

He hesitated. 

“And?” Lily prompted.

“And I’m quite certain that the person who summoned it was Severus Prince. I recognized his voice. I know Duncan said that Severus Prince wouldn't dare search his castle, but now that he has a valid reason to…”

Lily let out a breath. “Okay. We have to tell Duncan. Brian and Cait were there when you rescued me from Hogwarts; surely Severus Prince knows we’re staying at the Ferguson castle by now. He’ll come to arrest you, and that will put the muggleborns at risk.”

“Surely he can hide us if Severus Prince does come,” Sirius said. “If we leave, where will we go?”

“To recruit witches and wizards for our cause,” James said immediately. “Duncan and I talked about this. We’ll travel around-”

“Or, here’s an idea,” Sirius said heatedly. “We go back to the stones and try to go home.” 

“We may not be able to,” James said, turning to look at Sirius. “We need to talk to that witch Cait told us about… someone Malfoy…”

He trailed off. Lily was looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“Turn your head again,” she said, her voice quiet but commanding.

Nervously, James did as she asked. Lily moved close, brushing her fingers lightly over the skin of his neck, then pulling the collar of his shirt lower.

“Lily, what…”

Her eyes had filled with tears. “Spots,” she whispered.

James had imagined this moment multiple times over since his parents died. Getting dragon pox had become one of his worst nightmares, and just the thought of it had filled him with panic. Now, faced with this nightmare becoming reality, he felt oddly detached. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at the angry red spots on his arm with a sort of distant interest.

“That settles it,” Sirius said, his voice suddenly hard. “We can’t leave, and we won’t tell Duncan anything.”

“We have to,” Lily said shakily. “It wouldn’t be right to keep this from him, not when it would put other people at risk.”

“James is at risk. Don’t you get that?” Sirius raised his voice. “It’s not enough that you caused him to get dragon pox, making him help you in the infirmary?”

Lily recoiled.

“Sirius, stop,” James said. “It’s not Lily’s fault.”

“I’ll talk to Duncan,” Lily said. “He’s a nice man. I’m sure he’ll let us stay. He’s probably thought of some plan for a situation like this.”

Sirius scoffed. “Sure. Well, if anything happens to James, I hope you can sleep at night.”

Although James knew very well that dying was a possibility with dragon pox, he hadn’t really considered his own death until Sirius implied it. Once again, all he could think about was his parents dying, their breaths stuttering into silence in their lonely hospital room.

“I don’t want to go to the infirmary,” James said quickly, cutting off Lily’s angry retort. “I don’t care whether we stay in the castle or leave, but please, I don’t want to go into the infirmary. I can’t.”

Lily’s anger immediately evaporated. “Yes. We’ll stay in our room.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “No, we won’t. We’ll stay in some godforsaken patch of forest, because we’ll be turned away.”

“I’ll meet you there,” Lily said, ignoring Sirius entirely. “I’m going to talk to Duncan.”

She kissed James on the cheek and hurried away, leaving James and Sirius alone.

Looking after Lily with a scowl, Sirius opened his mouth.

“Don’t say anything bad about Lily,” James said shortly.

Sirius closed his mouth. 

“Are you doing okay?” Sirius asked after a moment.

No, James thought. 

“Oh, sure,” he said, trying to sound casual.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. 

“I’m just tired,” James lied. “It’s been a long day.”

Sirius threw an arm around his shoulder, a bit of a stretch, since James was taller than him.

“Let’s get you to bed, Prongs.”

They made their way through the halls to James’s room. Sirius walked in with him, closing the door behind them.

“Are you going to tuck me in?” James tried to joke.

“Do you want me to?”

James let out a half-hearted laugh. 

“I’ll just stay until Lily gets back. If you want me to.”

“Sure,” James said, secretly relieved. He didn’t want to be alone right now.

He collapsed on his bed. “I just hope I don’t give it to Lily,” he said.

Sirius didn’t respond.


	18. Chapter 18

In the end, Duncan did allow them to stay.

“He has somewhere to hide the muggleborns,” Lily told James the next morning. “He just said that we stay at our own risk; if Severus Prince does come, he’s going to deny all knowledge of your involvement in helping those muggleborns.”

What she didn’t tell James was that Duncan had seemed quite annoyed by the whole situation. He had told Lily that he would let them stay because he “wasn’t heartless,” but it had been quite a bitter statement.

“Well, why can’t we hide with them?” Sirius demanded.

He had arrived almost at the crack of dawn, and had been perching in a chair near James ever since.

“They don’t want someone with dragon pox hiding with them,” Lily admitted.

The next two days passed painfully for Lily. She kept expecting Severus Prince to appear in the doorway, and each moment felt like a clock ticking down to that inevitable end. Worse than the suspense was watching James’s health deteriorate. It started with some coughing and a few spots; soon his skin took on a green tinge, and the sound of coughing turned to the sound of laboured breaths. She tolerated Sirius’s presence for James, but she almost could feel the accusation in his gaze, and so she found his being there unnerving. 

“You don’t care about him at all, do you?” he asked on the evening of the second day, when James was asleep.

“Of course I do,” Lily said. “Just because you love him doesn't mean no one else does.”

Sirius looked taken aback. “I didn’t say I love him. Although I do… I mean, as a friend.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Fuck off, Evans.”

This conversation had one positive result, which was that Sirius was angry enough to storm off, finally leaving Lily alone with James. By then, there was nothing for Lily to do. Lily had given James all matter of potions to help with his symptoms. The green had started to disappear, replaced by a deathly paleness; this was the stage, Lily knew, where James would either survive, or he wouldn’t.

She climbed onto the bed and curled up beside him, leaning her forehead against his. She put a hand over his hand, which was much colder than she was used to it being, and she considered, for the first time, that she might soon be a widow after only two weeks of marriage.

It was something she hadn’t wanted to think about, but now, listening to his painful breaths, feeling the warmth of his fevered skin against her forehead, she finally faced the fact that James might not recover.

She had no concern for herself. She thought that if she was going to get dragon pox, she probably would have by now. Perhaps she had a natural immunity; perhaps the chicken pox she’d had as a child had actually been dragon pox, and her parents just hadn’t recognized the signs. Whatever it was, she hated it; she would so much rather give any immunity she had to James.

Sirius had been right; this was her fault. In trying to help others, she had hurt the person who mattered the most to her. What, then, had been the right thing to do? Was it right to let innocent people suffer when she could have helped to prevent it? But was doing the right thing really worth such a cost?

She loved him. He had brought something to her life that she never could have imagined. It wasn’t just emotional and physical intimacy, but a million other little things. She had been telling the truth when she told him that he made the bad things better. What would she do without him?

“Lily?”

She wiped quickly at her tears. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What’s wrong?”

She couldn’t very well tell him that she was upset because he could be dying.

“Nothing,” she told him. “Go back to sleep.”

He closed his eyes.

“I love you,” she whispered, but if he heard her, he made no response.

*

She woke to urgent knocking on the door. 

“Lily!”

She recognized Brian’s voice, so she unlocked the door.

“Severus Prince is in the castle,” Brian said in a rush. “He's looking for James. You should go hide with the muggleborns.”

A chill went up her spine, but Lily folded her arms and said, “I have no reason to hide. I’m married to a pureblood.”

Brian gripped her arm, hard. “Do you want to die, Lily? Because if you try to stop Severus Prince from getting to James, you’re not just going to die, you’re going to suffer first. He’ll torture you. He’ll rape you. Do you want that?”

“Let go of me.”

He looked down in surprise, as though he hadn’t realized that his hand was there, and finally released her.

“Please, Lily. You’re Cait’s friend. Think about the people you’ll be hurting before you throw your life away. You know where the muggleborns are hiding, correct? I’ll even escort you there and make sure you get to safety…”

“No,” Lily said. “I’m staying with my husband.”

Brian groaned. “Come on… Lily…”

“Thank you for the warning, Brian,” she said gently. “It was kind.”

She closed the door, leaning her back against the wood. Then, she took out her wand, and she waited. 

*

Once again, Severus Prince was dressed all in black, this time with a long billowing cloak. In her imaginings, Lily had thought Severus Prince would burst into the room, wand drawn. Instead, he opened the door and stood in the doorway, one corner of his mouth twisting up into an unpleasant smile.

“Well, well. If it isn’t the mudblood. Where’s your traitor husband?” His dark eyes drifted to James’s still form lying on the bed. 

“He has dragon pox,” Lily said. “I wouldn’t come any closer, if I were you.”

Sneering, Severus Prince drew his wand. “That’s quite contagious. Given the circumstances, I’m sure the ministry would understand if I execute him without bringing him to trial, where he could infect others.”

Lily stepped in between James and Severus Prince’s wand.

“No,” she said.

Severus Prince laughed. “No?” 

Lily spoke rapidly, her heart pounding. “Severus… you remind me of someone. His heart was broken into a million pieces, and he thought that hurting other people would make it whole again. I don’t know what happened to you to make your heart broken, but breaking other people isn’t going to fix it.”

Severus blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

“Muggleborns are people, too,” Lily said. “You can’t really believe that someone is less than you are just because of where they came from, can you? I know you have some goodness in you. Everyone has goodness in them. And James is filled with goodness. Please… if you have any kindness left in your heart… please just let us go.”

Severus Prince’s expression softened. He moved towards her, and Lily resisted the urge to flinch away.

“You really believe I can be good?” he said quietly.

Lily nodded. “I think anyone can be good, if they choose.”

For a brief moment, Lily thought she’d won. She had actually gotten through to Severus Prince-

Severus Prince punched her in the stomach, hard, and Lily doubled over, gasping.

“Do you know what I choose, mudblood?” he hissed in her ear. “I choose not to be good.”

He shoved her to the ground, but she kept a tight grip on her wand and pointed it his way. 

“Expelliarmus!” she gasped.

“Protego!”

In a flash of light, her spell rebounded. With a cry, she sent another spell towards him.

“You think,” he snarled, deflecting it, “that I would lose to a mudblood a second time? There’s no pureblood around to save you this time, mudblood…”

Rage coursed through her, and for the first time, Lily went on the offensive, rather than defensive. This time, it was Severus Prince who struggled to dodge her spells, whose face went into a satisfying arrangement of disbelief as his wand finally flew from his hand, hitting the wall behind him before clattering to the floor.

He held his hands up slowly, and then he began to laugh.

“So you’re going to kill me, mudblood? You should know that there are many witches and wizards searching this castle. You may kill me, but you won’t kill our noble cause. You’ll both still die.”

Lily was tempted, then. She had never wanted to kill anyone before, but Severus Prince was the sort of person who objectively deserved to die. He was a sadist, a fanatic, a monster. The world would be better without him in it. He had caused the deaths of countless people, and would no doubt cause the suffering of many more. Even her former fondness for Severus Snape was almost not enough for her to spare him, not now, not when him being alive was a significant threat to her and James’s existences. But still she hesitated, and his laughter crescendoed. 

“No, you’re too much of a coward,” he said.

“On your knees,” she said coldly.

He fell to his knees, his laughter abruptly stopping. He looked up at her with his dark eyes, so devoid of warmth and humanity, and Lily still couldn’t help herself; she felt pity.

“You may choose to be evil,” she said quietly. “But I won’t. Petrificus totalus.”

He fell to the ground, his limbs frozen. With her foot, Lily shoved him under the bed, just in time for Sirius to burst in. When he saw her with her wand raised, he relaxed.

“I heard Severus Prince is on his way here. We need to get James out of here,” Sirius said.

“Agreed.”

Lily moved towards the bed, surprised to see that James was already awake. She felt a surge of guilt; how much had he seen? Had he witnessed her sparing Severus Prince yet again?

“Let’s get you up,” she said, hoisting him to his feet. 

“Accio brooms,” Sirius said.

As they waited, James leaning heavily against Lily, Sirius looked at her oddly.

“What?” she finally asked.

“You didn’t leave to hide,” Sirius said.

“Of course not.”

“Lily’s a bloody hero,” James muttered. “Fought Severus Prince and won. He fled.”

Sirius stared. “Really?”

Two brooms finally flew through the door. Lily helped James onto one, climbing on behind him to hold him in place.

“You’re going to laugh,” she murmured in his ear. “I’m a terrible flier. And I’m scared of heights.”

“You’re not.”

She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and then kicked off from the ground. They both ducked as they flew threw the window and out into the night, leaving the brightly lit castle, with all of its friends and foes, behind.


	19. Chapter 19

Lily hadn’t been lying when she told James she hated heights. She’d always felt dizzy watching quidditch matches, and she avoided flying whenever possible. In fact, she’d always secretly envied James for his ease on a broom. 

As they left the Ferguson castle behind them, one of Lily’s hands gripped the broom tightly, and the other held James to her even more tightly; she couldn’t quite shake the horrifying image of James defying the odds and beating dragon pox, only to plummet to his death due to her negligence. In contrast to her own tension, James was limp, his head rested back against Lily’s shoulder.

To Lily’s relief, no one followed them as they flew away. She followed Sirius without question, even though he couldn’t know the landscape of Scotland any better than she did. Finally, over a stretch of forest, he landed among the trees. She followed, letting out a small squeak as she dropped after him.

She landed hard, and James jerked awake. 

“Alright, Evans? You look a bit pale,” Sirius said, for once actually seeming genuinely interested in her well-being.

“Fine,” she said, her voice a bit higher than usual.

She helped James off of the broom, settling him at the base of a tree. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked anxiously.

“Great,” he murmured.

Soon, he was asleep again, leaving Lily to sit at his side, while Sirius leaned against a tree. Even in the dark, she thought James looked pale and unhealthy, and his breaths were still loud in the quiet night. Again, Lily reminded herself that there was nothing more she could do for him. Still, part of her worried that the abrupt departure from the castle might have made his illness worse.

Lily tried not to focus on Sirius, but she could feel his eyes on her. Finally, she lost patience.

“What?” she snapped. 

He didn’t answer at first, but then he said, “did you really fight Severus Prince?”

Lily lifted her chin. “I did.”

“Why did you stay, Lily? I’m trying to figure it out. What possible reason could you have for staying with James, when you could have saved your own neck?”

“I think you can guess.”

Sirius opened his mouth, but before he could respond, a small owl crashed into him.

“What…” he muttered.

A figure dropped from the sky on a broom. Lily and Sirius both had their wands out and pointed at the cloaked person as soon as they landed, but the person just held up their hands.

“Stop. It’s me.”

Lily lowered her wand as the figure lowered her cloak, revealing familiar unruly curls.

“Cait!”

Lily threw her arms around her friend, and Cait hugged her tightly back.

“I can’t believe you left without me,” Cait said, dismounting from her broom.

“Well, it’s not as though we had time to ask if you wanted to come along,” Sirius said.

“How did you find us?” Lily asked, suddenly worried.

“I sent an owl to you and followed the owl,” Cait said with a shrug. She turned to the owl. “You can go home now. Shoo.”

“That’s actually rather clever,” Sirius said.

"It happens, occasionally."

Lily bit her lip. “I’m glad you’re here, but don’t they need a healer at the castle?” 

“They’re well-supplied with potions, and Anne knows how to do the rest. She helped you enough.”

Cait swept over to James, crouching down to feel his forehead. “I think his fever’s breaking. I think he’s going to be just fine.”

She took her cloak off and spread it over James, tucking it around him with surprising gentleness.

“You’re not just saying that?” Lily asked, feeling the first bit of hope she’d felt in some days.

Cait gave her a look. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

Before Lily knew it, she and Sirius were hugging, and Lily was laughing slightly hysterically.

“I think your worry about James has been addling your brains,” Cait said, shaking her head. 

*

Lily woke to a warm dawn, to the sounds of birds chirping and James’s steady breathing. Something was strange, and when Lily realized what it was, it filled her with relief. James’s breaths no longer sounded painful; they sounded almost normal. She opened her eyes to see that the green had disappeared entirely from his skin, and although he was still pale, there was at least some faint colour in his cheeks. His eyes were open, his gaze upon her face. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“Hey,” she whispered.

A slow smile spread across his face. “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. You know, Lily, you’re beautiful even when you’re blurry, but I don’t suppose you got my glasses?”

She grinned back. “I did.”

“I knew I married the perfect woman.”

She huffed out a small laugh as she rummaged in her pocket. “Here.”

He put on his glasses and smiled at her. “Much better.”

She kissed him.

“Don’t ever do that again,” she murmured.

“Do what?”

“Almost die.”

“I’ll do my best.”

She paused. “James?”

“Yes?”

She propped herself up on her elbow. “Did you really hear… well…”

“Yes.”

She groaned. “All of it?”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t hate me?”

James frowned. “Why would I hate you?”

Lily lowered her voice, until her words were barely audible. “Well, I… I wasn’t strong enough to kill him, and-”

“Lily,” he turned serious, and she winced, expecting some sort of reprimand. “Do you know one of the reasons I first fell in love with you?”

This was not the turn she was expecting this conversation to take. “No…?”

“I fell in love with you because of your heart. You’re the kindest, most loving person I know. You do things like let bad people live, and sacrifice your safety to help people who are sick. You shouldn’t be ashamed of that. Not everyone is brave enough to be as kind as you are.”

“You fell in love with me because of that?” Lily asked, amazed.

“Well, that and your looks. You’re really hot.”

Lily laughed quietly. “Thanks?”

“No, really, you are.”

She curled up against him, placing her head against his shoulder. “You’re okay, too.”

“You two are sickening,” Cait said sleepily.

Sirius groaned and muttered something into his hands, too muffled to make out. 

“What?” Cait said.

“Stop bloody talking and let me sleep!”

Cait muttered something about him being a baby, but then they all lapsed into silence. Really, Lily thought, Sirius had the right idea; they all deserved a lazy morning after yesterday. 

It was hard to believe that she’d fought Severus Prince and won. The thought brought her a glimmer of satisfaction, soon replaced by worry. When she’d shoved him under the bed, she’d had only the thought of getting him out of the way, keeping him hidden long enough to get a head start as they fled. But now, she couldn’t help but worry that she had hidden him a little too well. In attempting to save his life, had she killed him anyway? Had she condemned him to a slow death of starvation and thirst, alone under a bed? Or what if Duncan was the one to find him, after Severus Prince’s followers had left? Would he execute him? Had she actually done the more cowardly thing, in leaving someone else to kill Severus Prince?

She shivered, and James’s hold around her tightened. She reminded herself that it was too late; she’d done what she’d done. Her conscience may not be clear, but at least she’d saved James.

There was something terrible about keeping secrets. She was almost grateful that James had heard the whole exchange with Severus Prince. Lily knew she was capable of keeping secrets, but that didn’t mean she wanted to, and right now she was keeping a large secret from Sirius and Cait. Although Sirius seemed to have warmed to her slightly, she knew his opinion of her would change if he knew she had let Severus Prince live again.

Lily’s mounting concerns about them being followed finally got them up, although with a lot of grumbling in Sirius’s case. 

“Are you feeling well enough to travel?” Lily asked James anxiously.

“I’m fine,” he assured her. "Just a bit tired.”

Cait sighed. “We should have travelled further last night. We can hardly fly across the country in the light of day.”

“Please don’t tell me we have to walk,” Sirius groaned.

In the end, Cait apparated with them one by one to a village south of the Ferguson castle. The direction was deliberate, as it moved them away from Hogwarts and Severus Prince. It was a village that looked very similar to to the one where Lily and Bertha had been captured, at least from afar; all the buildings were made of the same dull stone, and a small church with a distinctive spire towered over the other buildings from the village centre.

Cait looked out over the village with an odd expression. “It’s been years since I’ve been here.”

“Where are we?” Lily asked.

“Nowhere of particular importance,” Cait said, adding almost casually, “I grew up here.”

“So you must know some witches and wizards here already,” James said. “That’s excellent.”

“There aren’t many,” Cait said quickly. “There were only two other magical families here when I grew up. I’m sorry… it was the first place I thought of.”

As they walked on the road towards the village, leaving their brooms behind in the woods, Cait quickly told them about the families.

“One is an all-magical family, with parents and a few kids. The other was a muggleborn girl I went to school with. She was a year or so ahead of me at Hogwarts. She had to drop out early because of… well, you know. I heard she moved back here after they passed the new laws and snapped her wand.”

“That’s great,” James said cheerfully. “She’ll definitely want to help our cause, then.”

Lily shot him a look. “James, it’s not ‘great.’ The poor witch had her wand snapped.”

“You’re right,” he hurried to say. 

“You should know that her parents don’t know she’s a witch. They’re very religious,” Cait said. “When we talk to her, we’ll have to get her alone.”

Lily couldn’t imagine growing up as a muggleborn in this time, when being a witch could have severe consequences. Growing up a muggleborn in the 1900s wasn’t always easy, but Lily had never had to hide who she was from her family, something she was now realizing was a luxury. Admittedly, Petunia had not taken Lily being a witch well, but her parents had always accepted her, and now Lily could only think of how much she missed them.

As they entered the town, Cait went uncharacteristically silent, and Lily was nervous enough about talking to the wizarding families that she was similarly quiet. The first door they knocked on was near the edge of the town, and it was immediately opened by a wizard with such deep circles under his eyes that they resembled faint bruises.

“Cait,” he said, his face lighting up. “What a pleasant surprise. I didn’t think you were ever coming back.”

A child launched herself at Cait, wrapping her arms around Cait’s middle.

“You’ve gotten so tall,” Cait told the girl, after hugging her as well. “You must be going to school soon.”

“In September!”

“Mr. Roy, these are some friends of mine: Lily Potter, James Potter, and Sirius Black.” She glanced past Mr. Roy. “Where’s Mrs. Roy? We were wondering if we might be able to have a word with the two of you.”

There was a long silence. 

“Oh, yes… I suppose you couldn’t know,” Mr. Roy said. “She passed last year. Difficult childbirth.”

Cait looked gutted. “I’m so sorry.”

“We’ve been managing alright, all things considered, ” Mr. Roy said, a bit awkwardly. “Um… won’t you come in?”

Lily trailed after Cait into the home, listening to Mr. Roy ask Cait about her position at the Ferguson castle. Quickly, Lily found herself distracted by their home. She had been in several magical households over the years, but each one seemed unique. In this one, the curtains were all drawn, presumably to keep the muggles from seeing the magic inside. Dishes were washing themselves in the sink; a cradle was rocking gently with a sleeping child inside; a painting of the night sky had stars that seemed to actually emit light.

“What brings you back here?” Mr. Roy asked Cait.

Lily forced her gaze away from the twinkling stars and back to Cait, who now looked a bit uncomfortable. 

“I’m afraid it’s not just a friendly visit…”

“I thought not,” he said, not unkindly.

James spoke up. “We think the laws against muggleborns are wrong. We want to do something about it, and-”

But Mr. Roy had already held up his hands. “No. No, I’m not interested. You have my sympathy, but that’s all I can give.”

James frowned. “But if you’re sympathetic to the cause, you must know that the laws are wrong.”

“Absolutely,” Mr. Roy said. “I feel terrible for those poor muggleborns, but I have my family to think of.”

“Don’t you want your family to see you do what’s right?” James argued.

“I want my family to see me live. I don’t want my children to be orphans. If you ever have children, Mr. Potter, you’ll understand that protecting them is more important than any fight.”

Lily could tell that Mr. Roy’s patience was starting to wear thin, but she couldn’t resist speaking up.

“Discriminating against muggleborns means condemning a lot of muggleborn children,” Lily said. “By choosing not to fight, you’re hurting them.”

“Enough,” Mr. Roy said flatly. “Cait, dear, it was lovely to see you. But I won’t listen to this any longer.”

He stood. James looked as though he might stay and argue; Sirius beat him to it.

“Selfish,” Sirius muttered. “Really bloody selfish.”

“Out,” Mr. Roy snapped.

Considering he was brandishing his wand rather threateningly, Lily thought it was best to listen. She pulled James out the door, and Sirius and Cait followed. A baby’s wail followed them out the door, which Mr. Roy slammed hard behind them.

James let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, that was a bloody waste of time.”

“He was only the first person we’ve spoken to,” Lily said, although she couldn’t keep the frustration out of her own voice. “We can’t expect everyone to want to fight.”

“Well, why not?” James retorted. “If it’s the right thing, everyone should want to fight against it.”

Cait looked at them both with raised eyebrows. 

“What?” James asked.

“Good lord. You were all in Gryffindor, weren’t you?”

“Proud of it, too,” Sirius said, crossing his arms.

Cait muttered something unkind under her breath. “Let’s find Mary. Perhaps you can try not to alienate all of my former neighbours?”

With a last, slightly wistful look at the Roys’ home, Cait walked away. If she noticed the curtain twitch, and the small face look out at her, she didn’t react.

Mary lived further into town, close to the church. They were able to catch her out on the street, and Mary looked like a person cornered.

“Cait,” she said. “I’m surprised to see you here. Surely you aren’t here to see me?”

“We are,” she said. She hesitated. “I’m sorry about what happened to you. We’d like to fix things.”

Mary’s gaze darted around. Their corner of the street was deserted, and Mary relaxed slightly.

“I don’t need you to,” she said quietly. “I’m living with my family, and I’m happy with that. Just leave me alone; I’m following the law.”

She turned to leave, but James blocked her way. “Wait. We want to change the laws. Will you help us?”

“Get out of my way,” she said coldly.

Cait grabbed James and pulled him to the side. “Thank you for your time, Mary. It was good to see you.”

Although her way was clear now, Mary didn’t move. She looked around at their faces, her own expression darkening. Lily could imagine what she was seeing: the clear resentment on James’s face, the disdain on Sirius’s, the polite neutrality on Cait’s. As for what she saw on Lily’s face, Lily wasn’t sure. She only knew she felt like she might cry.

“You’re judging me!” Mary hissed.

“A little,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“You have no right. You don’t know what I’ve gone through,” she said fiercely. “Don’t you get it? I’m tired. Even if I had a wand, I wouldn’t put myself through that, or put a target on my parents’ backs. I’m done.”

She stormed off, leaving the four of them behind, and leaving Lily with the realization that getting people on their side was going to be much harder than she thought.


	20. Chapter 20

For two days, Severus Prince lay under the dusty bed.

He had expected his fellow aurors to find him quickly, but although he heard many footsteps, no one thought to look for him in this particular hiding spot. From the position his jaw was frozen into, he tried to make noise, but it was swallowed up by the chaos in the halls. It was agonizing; out of the corner of his eye, he could just see his wand, lying against the base of the wall, its dark wood camouflaged against the shadowy stones.

The room grew dark. All was silent.

By the morning, he desperately had to pee. He slept on and off, which brought at least some relief from the ache in his throat from thirst, and the ache in his stomach from hunger. 

Soon, he wet himself.

To distract himself, he thought of the mudblood who had done this to him. He was going to break her and her husband, piece by piece. In his mind, he dismembered them both a hundred times. 

The mudblood, Lily, had dared to attack him, and then had left him here to die, framing it as an act of mercy. Perhaps she had believed it, but Severus doubted that. No, Lily Potter was a heartless bitch. He should have hated her for it. Instead, he wanted her for it. If he got out of this, he was going to find her, and then he was going to fuck her senseless.

Night came again. His throat was on fire.

The next day, Severus Prince cried.

If he had ever needed proof that his cause was noble and just, Lily Potter had provided it. She was an inhuman monster, willing to destroy a pureblood’s life without a moment’s thought for the bloodline she would be destroying. Severus Prince’s death would destroy a noble line, but did Lily Potter care?

The door opened, and Severus Prince tried to stop crying. It would never do for his enemies to find him like this, in such a weak state.

“Hello?” a woman called tentatively.

He groaned, and a woman’s face appeared, looking under the bed. She inhaled sharply.

“Severus Prince?” she whispered.

She backed away, and Severus Prince began to cry again, because she was going to leave him to die as well. But then she pointed her wand underneath the bed and ended the body bind.

Severus Prince couldn’t help it. He began to sob in earnest, his whole body shaking.

The woman helped him out from under the bed, propping him against the wall. To his humiliation, Severus Prince still couldn’t stop the sniffs and the gulping, gasping sobs.

“Who did this to you?” the woman asked, horror colouring her voice.

Severus Prince looked at her. He realized he recognized her as Anne Ferguson, the youngest child of Duncan and Aoife. He had met her on a few occasions, although they had exchanged only a handful of sentences. When he had first met her, she had been a teenager at Hogwarts, and he had been giving a guest lecture in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Back then, she hadn’t impressed him much. She had been a skinny, awkward sort of teenager, but he realized she had grown into quite a beautiful woman. Either that, or the hunger and thirst were addling his brain.

Finally, her question registered through his foggy head. 

“Lily Potter.” 

Now, Anne looked quite shaken. 

He tried to sneer, but the effect was lost when he was still crying like a small child. “I suppose you’re going to hand me over to your traitor father, for him to kill me?”

Anne hesitated.

*

Their days travelling through Scotland passed quickly. Before Lily knew it, a week had passed, each village and town blurring together. So far, all of the witches and wizards they had spoken to had seemed sympathetic to their cause, but only few had actually seemed willing to help if it came to open rebellion. Many provided them with a meal, or sometimes even baths. While Lily was grateful for these kindnesses, they mostly served to confuse her. She would have been happier if the people who had refused to help them had been horrible people otherwise; then she could hate them in peace. 

Their greatest problem was identifying the witches and wizards in a village. More than once, they had seen a broomstick propped outside of a door and assumed a witch or wizard lived inside, only to have to cast some memory altering charms on a hysterical muggle. On one memorable occasion, before any of them could do so, the muggle had chased them out of the village, whacking them with her extremely ordinary broomstick as she screamed about witches.

Today, they arrived at yet another village, nearly identical to the other ones they had seen over the past week. What would they find here? More well-meaning but meaningless sympathy? The past week had taken a heavy toll on Lily, and on her friends as well, she thought. By now, she was discouraged. She wished they could just go back to the Ferguson castle, which had started to feel a bit like home. But she knew, thanks to everything that had happened, they could never go back. 

They found themselves in yet another kitchen, this time belonging to an elderly couple. The man sat with them at the table, while the woman went to fetch some of her neighbours.

“There’s another magical couple that lives here,” she told them. “I think they’ll want to hear this, too.”

In this home, unlike many of the others, the couple kept their curtains open to let in the sun. Lily found it a bit odd, and wondered if they perhaps had some sort of illusion charm cast over their windows. It was strange, though, that the witches and wizards in the other villages hadn’t done the same.

“What charm did you use on your windows?” Lily asked curiously as they sipped the tea the man had offered them.

“I beg your pardon?”

“To keep the muggles from looking in.”

“That would be a very complicated spell to cast, young lady,” he said. “We just use memory charms on anyone who becomes too paranoid. The rest have learned to avoid the house by now.”

His answer made Lily a bit uneasy, although she wasn’t sure she could quite articulate why. 

“Doesn’t that violate the statute of secrecy?” James asked.

The man continued as if he hadn’t heard James; considering how old he was, not hearing James was a possibility, but Lily’s instinct was that he was purposely ignoring him. 

“We’re moving to Hogsmeade soon,” he said. “There’s hardly any point in casting complicated spells when we’re leaving.”

“Hogsmeade is lovely,” Lily said, trying to be polite.

“Yes, well, it’s hard to move at our age, but we’d rather live with our own kind and not have to worry about memory charms.”

He leaned back in his chair and surveyed them all thoughtfully. “I know who you are, you know.”

Lily frowned at him.

“How?” Sirius asked.

“Not you two,” the old man said, waving a dismissive hand towards Cait and Sirius. “I know the other two: the notorious Potters. The descriptions and sketches they’ve been handing around are quite accurate. There’s a reward for capturing you two.”

Lily and James exchanged a look. Lily was unsurprised, and based on James’s expression, he felt the same way. The man’s next words did come as a surprise, however.

“Yes, I hear that Mr. Potter helped some muggleborns flee to Scotland, and I hear that the lovely Mrs. Potter is an attempted murderer.”

Lily felt the blood drain from her face. “What do you mean?”

“Rumour has it they found Severus Prince under a bed after a few days. I hear he named you as the person who left him there to die.”

Cait started to laugh, but then she caught sight of Lily’s face and abruptly turned serious. “Oh, Merlin, you actually did that?”

After a few days. They had found him alone under a bed after days. Lily felt sick.

Sirius let out a low whistle. “Wow. That’s cold. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

He sounded impressed, which only made Lily feel worse.

“Might have been better to finish the job, though,” he added. “Leaving someone to die is less effective than, you know, actually killing them.”

“Lily had no intention of hurting him,” James said.

“I just wanted to hide him long enough to get away,” Lily managed to stammer out. “Oh, no. What do I do? Should I write him a letter to apologize?”

Sirius actually laughed. “‘Dear Severus Prince, I’m sorry I left you to die. Love, Lily.’ You’re right, Evans. I’m sure everything will be forgiven after that.”

The old man watched the exchange with an unreadable expression. 

“Evans,” he said slowly. “Your maiden name, I suppose? You must be muggleborn.”

The word had an undercurrent of derision, and Lily felt another flicker of unease.

Evidently, James felt the same way. “I think we should be going; thanks for your time.”

“Going?” the old man said, a small smile appearing on his face. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I think so,” Sirius said, screeching his chair back as he stood. “Hate to break it to you, but there are four of us and one of you-”

There was a series of pops outside of the house, followed by shrieks of nearby muggles.

“This morning’s campsite!” Cait shouted, and then she disapparated.

Sirius followed. Lily felt James’s hand close around her arm, and then they were disapparating too.

They landed in an unfamiliar clearing, definitely not the one they had been in that morning. Lily thought it might have been where they had camped the night before that, but it was hard for her to remember when exactly they had been here. Like the towns and villages they had visited, their campsites had become an indistinctive blur.

It was a calm sort of place, unchanged from when they had last been here. The same bird calls filled the late morning air, and even the weather was the same, with the sky a perfect blue.

“We need to get to Cait and Sirius,” Lily said. “I remember the clearing, I think, so I can take us…”

But even as she said it, she suddenly wondered if she did remember the clearing. It had some sort of distinctive tree in a weird shape, didn’t it? Or was that a few nights ago?

Something over Lily’s shoulder seemed to catch James’s eye.

“Protego!” he shouted, just in time to block a curse.

Lily spun around to see a witch dressed entirely in black, which she was starting to recognize as a mark of Severus Prince’s followers; the other witches and wizards she knew dressed in colour underneath their black robes. 

Even as she watched, several other witches and wizards appeared at the edge of the clearing, surrounding them. Lily had a realization, then, which was that they were being tracked. Apparating to a previous campsite had actually been the worst thing they could have done, because it appeared that Severus Prince’s followers had made it this far in following them.

Lily quickly counted. Five of them against Lily and James.

There was no time to discuss what to do, only to react. Lily and James stood back to back and each began a flurry of blocking and attacking spells. In Lily’s case, it was mostly blocking, because there were too many spells to avoid to think much about fighting back. She felt a surge of worry for James, because three of the witches and wizards were fighting him, and she was having trouble holding off two. She had only a moment to think this before her mind was entirely consumed by the fight.

“Avada-” a wizard began.

“Prince wants them alive!” a witch shouted, pushing the wizard’s wand aside.

Severus Prince wanted them alive? That was a far more terrifying thought than the thought of dying here.

The killing curse hit a tree, and brown washed over its leaves. Lily barely had time to notice it before she was blocking spells again. 

If they were going to win, they needed help. She barely had time to think of a happy memory, but she found that it was easy enough, even in this dire situation. All she had to do was think of James. She hadn’t been lying when she told him that he made the horrible things go away; even now, fighting beside him, she found his presence gave her strength, and, more importantly, happiness.

“Expecto Patronum!” Lily shouted.

A silver doe came out of her wand. 

“Get Cait!” she shouted.

James cried out, and Lily couldn’t help it; she quickly turned to look at him. He was on his knees, one leg bleeding heavily as he continued to block spells. The distraction was enough for her to miss a spell. Her wand flew from her hand, and into the hand of a wizard. 

He smiled coldly at her. “Mudbloods shouldn’t have wands.”

He broke it in half. Lily could only stare as he dropped the pieces to the ground, grinding them underfoot. 

Illogically, Lily had always imagined that she would feel something physical if this ever happened to her. Her wand seemed like an extension of herself, more like an extra limb than a thing. Surely, she thought, it would hurt to lose her wand. In reality, it felt more like when she had lost her parents: a raw, desperate sort of grief. She let out a small cry, and the wizard’s smile widened.

There was nothing to do but hold up her trembling hands in surrender. 

*

“So… do you think we should go back?” Sirius asked finally.

They had been standing in their morning campsite for a few minutes now, with the only sounds the chirping of birds and Sirius’s restless pacing.

“No,” Cait said. “They had time to apparate away. We’d be getting ourselves into a fight that we can’t win if we go back. They sent enough aurors to capture four people, remember.”

“So where did they go?” 

Cait shrugged. “I imagine that they were a bit panicked, and so one of them pictured the first place that came to mind. My guess? They’re wherever they ran off to for some alone time this morning, and they’ll soon figure it out and walk back here.” Cait glanced at him and snorted. “Your eyes are bugging out.”

“I thought they said they were going for a walk!”

Cait just looked at him.

Sirius swore under his breath. “They went off to have sex. Of course. I should have guessed.”

“You really should have. They’ve been busy as bunnies.”

“I’ve been stupid.”

“Very.”

“Cait?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

She smirked, and it was so infuriating that he turned away, just in time to see a silver doe run to Cait. It took a moment for the sight to register. When it did, Sirius’s heart sank. James’s patronus was a stag, which meant this had to be Lily’s. 

The doe shoved Cait forward, before prancing back in front of her. The doe didn’t speak, but it was clear what it was saying: follow me. After recovering from her surprise, Cait ran after it. Sirius followed.

*

After realizing Lily had lost her wand, James dropped his own wand to the ground, and the circle of attackers began to laugh. James stumbled to his feet, leaning heavily on his good leg. He wanted to hide Lily, to protect her somehow. Because they were surrounded, all he could do was grab her hand and wait for whatever was going to happen next.

A wizard raised his wand.

“We’re supposed to bring them alive,” another wizard reminded him.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun first,” he replied.

Lily’s grip on his hand tightened until it was almost painful.

The wizard looked at each of them in turn, considering. “Which crime is worse? Being a mudblood, or being a blood traitor?”

“Being a blood traitor, definitely,” James said quickly. 

Lily shot him a look that clearly said “shut up.” He ignored her.

“Lily didn’t choose her parents. I chose my wife-”

“Being muggleborn is worse, definitely,” Lily interrupted. “If we’re talking about choices, I decided to marry a pureblood rather than going to live with muggles-”

“Enough!” the wizard snapped.

He advanced, and it took all of James’s courage to not take a step back. Instead, he stayed where he was, until the wizard was right in front of him. The wizard lifted his wand, and James fought the urge to flinch. When he got no reaction, the wizard pressed his wand underneath James’s chin.

“I think I’ll start with the mudblood fucker.”

This time, his companions didn’t laugh. The clearing seemed to hold its breath.

“No.”

The one word sounded like a mother scolding a bad child, and Lily spoke so firmly that the wizard turned to her in surprise. Then Lily’s hand was suddenly yanking him backwards, and Lily moved to stand in front of him. 

James was willing to fight her for that particular position, but before he could, one of their attackers collapsed. The rest of the witches and wizards in the clearing turned to face the new threat, including the wizard with his wand pointed at James. As Cait and Sirius came into view, James quickly grabbed his dropped wand and hit the wizard in the back with a spell. He knew it wasn’t particularly honourable to attack someone from behind, but there was still something extremely satisfying in watching him collapse.

Lily darted forward to pick up the wizard’s dropped wand, and now that they outnumbered their attackers, they quickly won the fight. They managed to body bind, disarm, or stun all but one of the witches and wizards; the last one disapparated.

“We need to get out of here,” Sirius said.

“Let’s apparate back to yesterday’s village,” Cait said. “Lily… come on, we have to go.”

James realized Lily was no longer standing beside him. She was kneeling next to the shattered pieces of her wand, her face streaked with tears. At Cait’s words, she climbed to her feet, visibly collecting herself. Then, with a crack, she and the others disappeared, leaving James to follow.

*

They put as much distance between themselves and their attackers as possible before settling down for the night.

“That was a bloody close call,” Cait said.

It was a mark of just how close a call it was that even Cait sounded shaken.

“Very,” James agreed.

Lily was quiet, her head leaned against his shoulder.

“It was clever of you to send that patronus,” Cait told her.

“It was,” James said.

“Thank you.”

Shortly after, Cait and Sirius went to sleep, leaving James and Lily to sit together. Usually, any silence between them was comfortable, but tonight, there was something off about it.

“Well, we learned one good thing today,” James said.

“What?”

“We’re good at fighting together. We make a great team.”

“James. We lost.”

“Only because it wasn’t a fair fight.”

He put an arm around her shoulders, and she curled in closer to him, quiet once again.

“I’m sorry about your wand.”

She let out a small gasping sob. “Sorry…” 

“You don’t have to apologize.”

She took a few deep breaths as she calmed herself down.

“You know we won’t always have fair fights,” she said. “Doesn’t it scare you to know that we can lose, just like that?”

“Absolutely,” James admitted. “I was terrified today.”

“You didn’t seem it.”

“You didn’t, either.” 

She straightened, and he immediately mourned the loss of her warmth. 

“You don’t need to protect me, you know,” she told him. “If we’re ever in a situation like that again-”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to.”

“I’m not a child. I don’t need to be protected.”

“You’re the most important person to me,” he said. “You’re my family. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do. It’s not that I don’t think you’re strong or capable. It’s not about that. I’d rather be hurt than see you hurt.”

“You think I don’t feel the same way?” she asked, a steely note in her voice. “You think I want to see you get hurt?”

“No-”

“Then I guess we’ll just keep protecting each other.”

James nodded. “I can live with that.”

It was a small lie. He still knew that he would protect Lily with everything he had, no matter what may happen to him. He just hoped that a situation never came up where he would have to watch Lily step between him and a wand again.


	21. Chapter 21

For some days after their disastrous encounter with Severus Prince’s followers, they decided to lie low. They travelled through the less-travelled parts of Scotland, avoiding towns and villages but staying constantly on the move. The thought of going into another town made Lily nervous, and so she was just as happy to take a break. In fact, although she felt guilty about it, she thought that these last few days had been some of the best she had spent in 1743. Being around some of her favourite people for days straight, without the added anxiety of dealing with threatening strangers, had been wonderful.

Tonight, they were camped among rolling hills, next to a large lake that had been beautifully still when they arrived, but was now filled with ripples from the gentle rain. The four of them were huddled under their cloaks, which were enchanted to keep them dry. As a result, Lily found the rain quite peaceful.

It was dark and overcast enough that she didn’t see the owl until it was nearly upon them. When she saw it flying for Cait, she pulled out her stolen wand, and the others quickly followed suit. But no wizard or witch descended upon them. Only the small owl, every single one of its feathers drenched, came out of the sky. It hooted angrily, as though the weather was their fault, before holding out its leg to Cait.

Cait took the letter off and read it.

“Dear Cait,” she read. “This letter arrived for you on the night you left. I wasn’t sure if you were coming back, but by now, it’s clear that you’re busy off on your own adventures. I hope my owl is able to find you, and that you are well, my dear friend. I miss you. Anne.”

She opened a second letter, her eyes widening as she skimmed.

“What?” Sirius demanded.

“It’s from Pascale Malfoy. Chère Mademoiselle Catherine-”

“English!” Sirius interrupted.

Cait rolled her eyes. “Dear Miss Catherine… there, Sirius, do you feel better now that you understand the greeting?”

“Keep reading,” Sirius said.

Cait paused.

“What?”

“Translating is hard. Give me a second.”

Sirius muttered something unkind, and Lily elbowed him. 

“So Pascale Malfoy writes that she is unwilling to answer our questions in the form of a letter.”

Sirius, James, and Lily groaned.

“But… here’s where it gets interesting. She says she’s teaching at Hogwarts this year, so if we would like to speak to her, we can visit her there. She’s living in rooms just underneath the astronomy tower.”

Sirius scoffed. “Oh, great. That makes things easy. Let’s just waltz into Hogwarts and see this Malfoy witch. We can wave to Severus Prince on our way in-”

“Well, obviously we can’t go,” Cait said, folding the letter with an air of finality. “I know you want answers, but it would be stupid to go to Hogwarts when we’re wanted criminals. It would be like a fly willingly walking into a spider’s web, and oh, Merlin, why are you looking at each other like that?”

Lily started guiltily.

“You three can’t want to go?” Cait asked.

“We want to know if we can go home,” Sirius said.

Suddenly, Cait looked angry. “Oh, I see. So things are getting difficult, and now you all want to run away?”

“No,” Lily said, putting a reassuring hand on her arm. “Not at all. But we want to go home eventually, after we make things better here.”

Cait pressed her lips together, saying nothing.

“You knew we wanted to go home,” James said carefully. “That’s why we contacted Pascale Malfoy. That’s why you helped us-”

“That was before,” Cait said.

Lily didn’t have to ask what she meant. Cait had helped them before they had fled the castle, before Cait had followed them. Now, Cait was a fugitive, and if they left her, she would be truly alone.

“Well, the solution seems obvious to me,” Sirius said drily. “When we leave, you’ll come with us. Then it doesn’t matter when we leave.”

Cait shook her head. “You make it sound so simple.”

“You have nothing for you here,” Sirius said with a shrug. “Your parents are dead. Your friend—Bertha, was it?—is dead. Your boyfriend ditched you-”

“Sirius,” James muttered.

“-and yes, there’s a war in 1978, but there’s one here, too. Come with us. We like you. We want you to come along.”

Cait, who had been looking steadily angrier, now looked flattered. “Coming from a people-hating person like you, that’s high praise.”

“Well?” Lily asked anxiously. “Will you come? We’re not planning to leave right away,” she added hurriedly. “But please, please say you’ll come when we do.”

Cait sighed. “As Sirius so kindly pointed out, there’s little for me left here, and I’m a wanted criminal. I suppose I could try 1978. It can’t be any worse than 1743.”

It was funny, Lily thought, that they could all discuss changing times as easily as if they were trying on a garment, rather than a whole different life.

Lily hugged her tightly. “Great. So we’ll go to Pascale Malfoy, and-”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. I didn’t say that.”

“We can do it,” James said. “Sirius and I know some secret passages into the castle. All we have to do is sneak in at night, when the students are asleep… surely they won’t have Severus Prince and his followers wandering through a castle full of students at night, right? They’ll probably be in bed; they won’t suspect a thing. We’ll be in and out.”

“In and out,” Sirius agreed.

Cait bit her lip. “I still think it’s stupid. But I don’t suppose I can stop you from going, so I suppose that means I have to come along.”

Sirius high fived James, earning him a strange look from Cait.

“Lily, can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked quietly. “Alone?”

Sirius and James protested, but Lily shushed them and walked with Cait further down the lake, the sound of rain hitting the water creating an effective sound barrier.

Cait put down her hood and turned her face up to the rain, a small smile crossing her face, before she turned back to Lily, her face damp.

“I love the rain,” she said.

Lily waited. She knew Cait would tell her what she wanted to once she was ready.

“My period didn’t come,” Cait said, almost conversationally.

Lily felt her heart sink. 

“I think I’m pregnant.”

*

“What do you think Cait’s being so secretive about?” James asked Sirius.

Sirius shrugged noncommittally. “Girl stuff?”

James sighed and sat beside him. As usual, whenever James was around, Sirius felt himself become hyperaware of his presence. James was close enough to touch.

“You’re okay with going to see Pascale Malfoy?” James asked.

“Yeah.”

Sirius thought longingly of home, with showers, and soft beds, and faster brooms. But mostly, he realized, he was feeling a longing for what he’d had before coming here; the hope of a future with James, without Lily in it.

“You’re feeling ready to go home?” James asked, as if he had read his thoughts.

“I’ve always been ready to go home. The only reason I came here was because of you.”

The words slipped out before Sirius could stop them, but he didn’t care. He wanted James to know.

“Thanks, Padfoot. You’re an amazing friend. The best.”

Suddenly, Sirius was angry, because how was it fair that he could care so much for James, and James just couldn’t see it? But no, James was staring down the lake with a sappy expression, his eyes fixed on Lily. And damn it, Sirius wanted to kiss that sappy expression off of his face, but he wasn’t able to.

To add insult to injury, that was the moment when James decided to say, “Lily really is the best.”

“Is she?” Sirius couldn’t resist saying.

James finally tore his gaze away from Lily, which was difficult, Sirius was sure.

“Why don’t you like her, Sirius?” James asked, sounding a bit hurt. Sirius couldn’t imagine why, considering any insult was to Lily, rather than James. 

“Oh, you know,” Sirius said, floundering. “I think she’s sort of… fake. I’m just worried she’s using you. That she doesn’t really like you that much.”

James furrowed his brow. “Really? You still think that?”

“Well, sure.”

“I don’t know if you saw, but when we were attacked in that clearing… she stepped right between me and this wizard’s wand, and-”

“Yes, very heroic,” Sirius said with a grimace. “But Lily’s the sort who would do that for anyone, isn’t she?”

“Yes,” James said, a bit dreamily. 

“I just mean that I think that if she were really put to the test, she’d choose herself over you.”

James clapped him on the back. “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

“Well, I mean, she chose Severus Prince over you before.”

James sighed. “That’s not the way I see it. Not at all. Look, Sirius, I don’t know why you’re so determined to hate her.”

Sirius abruptly stood. Being close to James was becoming suffocating.

“Where are you going?” James asked.

“To piss.”

“Sirius, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad!” Sirius bellowed. “I’m pissing!”

He stalked off over a hill, leaving James alone with the bloody owl, who was now hiding under James’s cloak with him.

*

“It’s Brian’s?” asked Lily finally.

Cait snorted. “Of course. I wasn’t sleeping with everyone at the castle, you know.”

“What are you going to do?”

Cait hugged herself. “Oh, you know. I’ll just keep going and hope for the best. Maybe 1978 is more accepting of mothers without husbands?”

Lily put an arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Probably. But, regardless, you can stay with us.”

Cait let out a watery laugh. “You really think James will want a mother and a screaming baby to live with you both?”

“If that mother is you, definitely.” Lily said. “Can I tell the others?”

Cait hesitated. “As long as you think they won’t be too judgmental.”

*

“You’re pregnant?” Sirius recoiled.

Next to him, James’s jaw had dropped.

Cait rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry; if I am, it’s not contagious.”

Sirius was shaking his head. “You can’t come with us.”

Lily stared at him, disbelieving. After assuring Cait that James and Sirius would be fine with her pregnancy, Sirius was choosing to be a complete ass. 

“Excuse me?” Lily said icily.

“I mean to Hogwarts,” Sirius clarified. “What if we get captured? You’re right, Cait. It’s a risk, and if you’re expecting a baby…”

Cait’s outrage softened. “That’s remarkably kind of you.”

“Is that why you don’t want to go to Hogwarts?” Lily asked.

“No,” Cait said. “I don’t want to go because I think it’s a stupid, dangerous plan.”

James finally found his voice. “Maybe Sirius has the right idea. We should split up. Two of us should go; two of us should stay. That way, if something goes wrong, we’re not all in prison.”

Lily swallowed an instinctive protest. “You’re right. That way, we at least have a chance at a rescue, if things go wrong.”

James nodded. “So Sirius and I will go-”

“Hold on,” Lily interrupted. “You and Sirius?”

“We know the castle’s secret passages the best; if we get split up, we have the best chance of making it out. We both have working wands, and neither of us are pregnant.”

Once again, Lily wanted to argue, but she had to admit that his argument made sense. Still, she couldn’t help feeling a surge of bitterness towards herself for being stupid enough to get her wand broken.

“Fine,” she said.

*

Before Sirius and James left that night, James pulled Cait aside.

“Cait… you know what Lily said about you two rescuing us if we get caught?”

Cait nodded.

“You can’t let her,” James said. “Please… if we’re captured, please just do whatever it takes to figure out how to get back through the stones.”

“Lily will never agree to that,” Cait said carefully. “She would never leave you.”

“Please, just do your best to keep her from coming to Hogwarts. Please. Will you promise?”

Cait sighed heavily. “I’ll do what I can, but if Lily wants to follow you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand in her way.”

As far as promises went, this wasn’t very reassuring, but James just nodded once. Then, he pulled her into a hug. She let out a squeak of surprise, before hugging him back quickly.

“You’re a good friend to us. Thank you.”

“Be careful,” was all Cait said.

Next, he said goodbye to Lily, which was much harder. He was trying to be optimistic about this mission, but a part of him was very aware that this could be the last time he ever saw Lily. He had so many things he wanted to say to her, to tell her how she had made his life so much better, or how much he loved her. But that would feel too much like a permanent goodbye, and if Lily sensed that sort of goodbye, she would never let him leave.

She was gazing out across the lake, and when he sat beside her, he noticed that she tried to subtly wipe at some tears.

“Don’t take any risks,” Lily said. “In and out.”

“Yes,” James agreed.

He kissed her, a passionate kiss that spoke of all the things he couldn’t allow himself to say. He could have kissed her forever, if not for Sirius.

“We do want to make it to the castle before sunrise,” he called.

James pulled away. He gave Lily’s forehead one more kiss before moving over to Sirius. He allowed himself one last look at Lily before they disapparated, and she gave him a small, sad smile. 

“I love you,” he shouted.

They disapparated before she could respond.


	22. Chapter 22

“We could use the map and your invisibility cloak about now,” Sirius muttered.

They walked down the main street in Hogsmeade, trying hard not to look suspicious. It had been tempting to put their cloaks up and lower their heads, but rather than hiding them, James had suspected that would make them stand out. Instead, he and Sirius were counting on the cover of night to keep them disguised.

The last time James had been in Hogsmeade, he had been too hurt to pay much attention to his surroundings. Now, he looked around with great interest. In many ways, Hogsmeade was timeless. The structures themselves were familiar, most about the same as they would be in nearly two hundred and fifty years. However, when he looked closely, he could see small differences. The shops he expected to see through the windows were different, or not there at all. The store for robes featured clothing of a far different style, displayed in ghostly shadowed silhouettes. Zonko’s Joke Shop, a particular favourite of James’s, was gone. The Three Broomsticks was there, and still filled with patrons at this hour; James was quick to avert his gaze, in case he caught the eye of a curious witch or wizard.

They stopped outside of Honeydukes and knocked on the door. After a long minute, there came the sound of footsteps from the home above the shop, and a witch opened the door. Her eyes widened when she saw them.

“Come in, quickly…”

James and Sirius followed her inside, and she closed the door behind them.

“What are you two thinking, coming back here?” she hissed.

James recognized her now, although the memory was hazy.

“You helped save us before,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Hardly any point in helping to save you, if you’re taking risks like coming back here. They’ve been passing around posters of you and your friends, Mr. Potter. What are you doing here?” 

She moved to the window, looking anxiously out at the street as though she expected Severus Prince and his supporters to swoop down upon her any moment. James realized this wasn’t such an unreasonable fear, given the circumstances.

“We just need to use your passageway,” he said.

She turned back to them, her face white. “You’re breaking into Hogwarts? Why?”

“Long story,” Sirius drawled.

“Well, I can hardly let you back out to wander the streets,” she said anxiously. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” James and Sirius said together.

She led them into the cellar, lighting candles with her wand as she went.

“We’ll take whatever passage out that’s closest,” James told her. “It may be yours.”

She looked as though she highly doubted that they would be taking any passage out, which didn’t fill James with confidence.

“Good luck to you both,” she said.

James lit his wand and led the way into the passage, Sirius closely on his heels. For a moment, it felt like old times, like when they were just kids sneaking out of school for fun. It was amazing… that had been only months ago, but it felt like lifetimes. He didn’t feel much like a kid anymore.

*

Cait and Lily sat next to the lake and waited. At first, they tried to fill the silence with conversation, talking about everything and nothing. Soon, their words were replaced by a tense quiet. Lily petted the little owl who had delivered the letters, while Cait examined the letters, reading them over and over again.

“It’s strange,” she finally said. “My French isn’t amazing, but…”

Lily felt a flicker of unease. “But?”

Cait frowned down at the pages in her lap. “I think this letter is filled with spelling and grammar mistakes.”

“Some people aren’t good at that, I suppose,” Lily said.

Cait hesitated. “I’m just wondering whether this was really written by a French speaker… but Malfoy is a French name, so you’re probably right…”

She didn’t sound convinced, which only made Lily’s unease grow.

Lily looked over her shoulder at the letter, which was written in a messy, spiked cursive. Lily had the sudden worry that it didn’t look like a woman’s writing at all, but she pushed aside that thought, because it was stupid to think that you could tell someone’s gender from their handwriting. 

*

Hogwarts was quiet, almost unnervingly so. The empty halls seemed to magnify their quiet footsteps. They didn’t even see a ghost, and the one portrait that seemed to be awake to see them had turned up her nose at them and run off, muttering about people having no respect for people’s sleeping hours.

It seemed to take forever to reach the rooms underneath the Astronomy tower. Thanks to his part in creating the Marauder’s Map, James prided himself on knowing every corner of Hogwarts, and so they quickly found the living area at the base of the tower. James knocked rapidly, then took a step back.

Someone approached the door, and he felt a burst of hope fill his heart. Soon, he would find out about the stones, and then he’d be able to go home whenever he chose. 

He was just marvelling about how the evening had gone so smoothly when the door opened, revealing Severus Prince. 

It had gone too smoothly, James realized. It had been a trap.

They were outnumbered. He could see the multitude of wands pointed their way from inside the room. Before he could even attempt to fight back, he and Sirius had been disarmed.

Severus Prince had been smiling unpleasantly, but now, as he looked around, his smile faded.

“Where’s the mudblood?” he demanded.

Neither James nor Sirius answered.

“You got two of them, sir,” one of the wizards from the room said.

“It’s Lily Potter I want,” he snarled.

Then, as suddenly as his rage had appeared, it disappeared. He surveyed James thoughtfully, and James felt his heart sink.

“And I know just how to get her here,” he said.

*

The sun rose, turning the lake a fiery red. With every minute that passed, Lily felt panic start to set in.

“They should have been back by now,” she said.

Cait put an arm around Lily’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Lily.”

Lily shrugged out of her friend’s grip. “You don’t have to be sorry. They could be lying low in Hogsmeade until tonight, or they could be…” A sob escaped, and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

“We'll wait until tonight, then,” Cait agreed.

“You think they’re dead.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you do.”

Cait bit her lip. “It’s a possibility, Lily. If they aren’t back by tonight, we’ll search for news tomorrow.”

“If they need to be rescued, hours could make a difference. I think we should try to find some news now.”

Cait stared at something over Lily’s shoulder. Lily whirled around to see an owl arriving, a vividly red envelope bound to its foot.

“Or news could find us,” Cait said, a bit faintly.

It was a howler. Lily recognized it even before the owl gave it to her, even before it started smoking. Lily had never been so afraid to open a letter in her life. She pulled it open with shaking fingers and tensed as the cold baritone voice of Severus Prince filled the air.

“Lily Potter, I have your husband. The Ministry plans to execute him at midnight, but I may be persuaded to talk them out of it. If you turn yourself in before midnight, I may be merciful. Until I have you in a cell here, I will send a howler every hour to update you on James’s condition. Crucio!”

Lily recoiled as James’s screams of pain filled the air.

“Lily… you can’t, please…”

“Crucio!”

Lily dropped the letter, but it did nothing to stop the sound of James being tortured.

“You have until midnight, Lily,” Severus Prince hissed.

Abruptly, the sound ended, leaving a sickening silence. 

Lily had been crying before; she wasn’t now.

James was in the hands of a monster. It was almost worse to hear him being tortured without seeing it, because the things she was imagining were horrible. Once again, she could see James on the floor of that torture room, his white shirt stained red, his glasses shattered at her feet. She pictured the scars crisscrossing his back, scars that she knew well from tracing them over countless nights. What new scars would be inflicted because of her?

But James was alive, and that meant that she could save him.

She had made the mistake of letting Severus Prince live twice. She knew, with a dreadful certainty, that she may have to make a different choice this time.

“Lily, you can’t be thinking of turning yourself in,” Cait said. 

Lily didn’t answer.

“Lily!” Cait gripped her elbow. “James wouldn’t want that.”

“So you’d have me leave him to die?” 

“Yes,” Cait said. “There’s no way that Severus Prince will let him go just because you turn yourself in. He’s lying to get you there, Lily.”

Lily nodded. “You’re right. I’ll just have to rescue him before midnight.”

“No. They’ll be expecting something like that. The dungeons will be swarming with guards.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lily said. “I’m going.”

Cait didn’t answer for a moment. “You can’t go alone.”

“You shouldn’t come, Cait.”

“I’m not talking about me.”

*

When James was brought back to their cell, Sirius was waiting, pacing restlessly. The wizard bringing him to the cell was more supporting him than forcing him along, and he dumped him unceremoniously onto the stones of the cell before slamming the door shut with a clang. As the key turned in the lock, Sirius hurried to James’s side. 

He turned his friend over and propped him up against the bars. James leaned his head back, letting out a small groan.

Sirius looked James over from head to toe. There was no actual physical injury that Sirius could see, but he was clearly badly hurt.

“Cruciatus curse?” Sirius asked. 

Even as he said it, he knew he was right. Sirius’s stomach clenched; they must have used it on James excessively for him to be so out of it.

“Lily…” James said, sounding breathless. “Sirius, they’re trying to lure Lily here… what if…”

“She won’t come,” Sirius couldn’t resist saying.

“You really think so?” James asked, a note of hope in his voice.

“No.”

To Sirius’s surprise, James smiled a relieved smile. “I hope you’re right.”

“That doesn’t bother you?” Sirius asked, outraged. “James, you deserve someone who would put their safety on the line for you, who would give you as much love as you give to them. We’re going to die here because of Lily, while Lily lives. That should bother you!”

“It doesn’t,” James said, an uncharacteristic edge to his voice. “I don’t care if you’re right and Lily loves me less than I love her, okay? I hope she stays safe. That’s what love is, Sirius; it’s putting someone’s safety and happiness over your own. I know you’ve never felt that way about anyone, but-”

“I feel that way about you. I love you.”

Sirius wasn’t sure why he said it. Maybe he was tired of keeping it in, or maybe he was just facing the reality that they would soon be dead, and it was time for any secrets to be told before the secrets died with them. Either way, he said the words, and he wasn’t sure what he had expected. Had he hoped that James would confess that he felt the same way? What, exactly, had he hoped to achieve?

James was just staring at him, and not in an “I love you too” sort of way. He was more looking at Sirius as though Sirius had grown several more heads.

“I feel exactly that way about you,” Sirius said, suddenly unable to meet James’s eyes. “I would put my safety and happiness over yours anytime, for anything. And I have, even though I know you don’t feel the same way. You may wonder if Lily loves you less than you love her, but at least you don’t know it for sure. I do.”

“Sirius…” James took a shaking breath. “Um… wow. I had no idea. How long have you felt like this?”

“For years.” 

“Oh,” James said. He hesitated. “Sirius, I’m sorry. That must have been really hard, especially with the wedding, and-”

Sirius groaned. “Stop. I don’t want that.”

“What?”

“Your sympathy. That’s not what I want.”

James paused again, choosing his words carefully. “Sirius… I can’t give you what you want. I’m sorry. I love you so much… but as a friend.”

Sirius had known, deep down, that this would be James’s response. It didn’t make hearing it feel any less like having his heart carved out of his chest with a blunt, rusty fork.

“My best friend,” James added, as if this somehow made it better.

“If Lily hadn’t been around, do you think…?”

“It wouldn’t have changed things,” James said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

The apologies were somehow making things even worse. Sirius’s eyes were stinging, and he turned away, while James pretended not to notice. 

“Can’t we just stay friends?” James said.

He sounded exhausted, and Sirius realized how much of an ass he was being, throwing this emotional burden onto James when he was already carrying so many other burdens at the moment.

“Yes,” Sirius said. “We’ll aways be best friends.”

He sat beside James, the bars of the cell pressing into his back. James had closed his eyes, leaving Sirius to ponder his mistake of making an unrequited love confession within a confined space. 

Within minutes, Sirius thought James was asleep, so it surprised him to hear James speak.

“So we’re okay?”

There was a note of vulnerability in James’s voice. 

Sirius swallowed hard. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re okay.”

But he thought they probably both knew it was a lie.


	23. Chapter 23

When Severus Prince came for James the fourth time, James could sense that something had changed. The last two times, Severus Prince had sent people to bring James to him. This time, Severus Prince came himself. Wordlessly, he pulled James to his feet and hauled him out of the cell, ignoring Sirius’s protests. 

James stumbled along in a daze. He had slept for only minutes at a time, and his whole body still ached from the cruciatus curse. He wondered vaguely why Severus Prince had come for him personally, especially because Severus Prince didn’t say a single word to him as they walked.

Severus Prince brought him to a new room in the dungeons, this one resembling an office more than a torture chamber. He dropped him unceremoniously in a chair, then sat across from him, resting his chin upon steepled fingers.

“A chair? That’s strangely kind,” James couldn’t resist saying. 

He meant for it to sound defiant. Instead, with his voice hoarse from screaming, it came out as just sounding tired.

“I’m trying to figure you out, Mr. Potter,” Severus Prince said. 

He stood, and James flinched, but Severus Prince was only moving to a cabinet. He produced a bottle of something and filled a goblet with the drink. He didn’t offer James any, which James guessed was another form of torture, since James had been given nothing to drink since his capture. James throat ached from thirst, and from screaming. As if sensing James’s thoughts, Severus Prince smirked from behind the goblet.

“I’ve been looking into you, James Potter, if that is, in fact, your name.”

His expression was serious once again as he sat across from James.

“Of course it’s my name,” James said.

He swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture onto his throat.

“Thirsty?” Severus Prince asked. 

James didn’t answer.

“I do have some sympathy for such things, you know. I recently went for several days without water, thanks to your bitch of a wife.”

Severus Prince tilted his goblet and poured a small splash of his drink onto the desk.

“You can have it, if you lick it up like a dog.”

James lifted his chin slightly, deliberately moving his gaze away from the drink. He hated to admit it, but he was sorely tempted by Severus Prince’s offer.

“No?”

Severus Prince lifted his wand.

“Wait,” James croaked out.

His face burning, he lowered his face to the table and drank the few drops.

A hand patted his head. “Good.”

James recoiled. “Don’t touch me.”

Severus Prince let out a low laugh. “I can do whatever I want with you.”

James watched him nervously as he ran a finger over the rim of the goblet.

“I’ve been doing some research into you,” he said. “You’re certainly a perplexing man. The Potters swear they have no relation named James, and yet you took veritaserum, so when you told us your identity some weeks ago, you couldn’t have lied. And then there is that very mysterious letter for Cait that Anne received-”

James felt himself stiffen, and Severus Prince laughed again.

“Oh, you didn’t guess? She’s the reason you’re here. She was quite appalled by what your mudblood wife did to me. It took very little to convince her that people like Lily are the reason mudbloods need to be pushed out of respectable society. She saw that letter from that Malfoy witch and saw an opportunity to capture you… and speaking to Pascale Malfoy must be important for you to risk coming here.”

He leaned across the desk, his voice very quiet now. “So I’d like to know why you wanted to see Pascale Malfoy.”

“She was never at Hogwarts,” James whispered.

“No. She invited you to France to discuss your secret matter. It’s a shame that you won’t have the chance to go. I hear Paris is rather beautiful, although I’ve never been there myself.”

James shook his head. “Surely Anne wouldn’t… why would she…”

There was a small knock on the door, and Severus Prince stood up straight, smoothing his already smooth hair with an anxious palm.

“Come in.”

James turned his head to see Anne walk into the room, looking rather pale.

“Anne,” Severus Prince said, moving to kiss her hand.

Anne smiled down at him, a bit hesitantly, and then her eyes met James’s.

“I don’t suppose you’d give us a moment alone, Severus?” she asked.

His eyes narrowed. “I won’t leave you alone with a dangerous criminal.”

She laughed lightly. “He has no wand. I do. Besides, I can take care of myself.”

“No doubt about that.”

They shared a small smile, and James felt a bit like he might be sick. 

“But I won’t take such a risk,” Severus Prince said. “Not with you.”

Anne blushed. “Fine.”

Severus Prince pulled back the chair across from James, and Anne sat daintily in it. She folded her hands and looked down at them. Severus Prince moved to lurk in the corner, his dark eyes fixed on James in a silent threat.

There were some seconds of silence.

“You have nothing to say to me,” Anne said.

James didn’t answer, and she sighed.

“You’re looking quite well,” she said.

This time, James looked at her, filled with disbelief. He wasn’t sure what he looked like, but after a morning filled with the cruciatus curse, he suspected he was not looking “quite well.”

“Or well enough,” she amended. “Much better than when you first arrived at our castle. Do you remember that? I visited Cait in the infirmary, and you looked like you were halfway to the grave.”

“My men were a bit enthusiastic,” Severus cut in smoothly.

James scowled. “You were, actually.”

“I asked Severus to keep you somewhat intact. You see, I’ve always been rather fond of you, James Potter,” Anne said.

From behind her, Severus Prince’s expression became murderous. 

“Yes,” James said. “I seem to recall you kissing me quite enthusiastically at one point.”

He said it, even knowing that he would pay for it later. Severus Prince’s hand was clenched around his wand, as if it took all of his strength to keep from pointing it at James.

“When I offered you friendship, James, I meant it.”

“And yet, somehow, we’re here.”

“You think I’m evil,” Anne said.

“Well, it does seem that way. Mostly, I’m confused. Why would you help someone who’s doing something so wrong?”

Anne considered. “I used to think that both sides of this conflict were filled with people who were too passionate about what they believed in to listen to one another.”

“Why would you listen to someone whose entire cause is an attempt to oppress a group of people?” James demanded.

Anne continued as if she hadn’t heard. “I suppose I helped my father’s side because it was what I was taught to believe in. But I think I suspected our side wasn’t so much better than Severus’s. My parents gave up everything to help muggleborns, including our safety. I was a rather neglected child, you know.”

“That’s your excuse?’” James interrupted. “You know who else had a bad childhood? Cait did. Sirius did. Somehow, they still seemed to be able to figure out what’s right.”

“And then I found Severus under your bed,” Anne said, shuddering. “I’d heard that Severus’s side committed atrocities, that muggleborns were innocent victims. Not so innocent, if they would condemn a man to such a horrific death. Severus is right; muggles are more cruel, more barbaric. Muggleborns have their tendencies, and so they should be thrown out into their society.”

James’s jaw had dropped. He wasn’t sure if it was the torture, the sleep deprivation, or the conversation itself, but he felt a bit as though he had entered some sort of bizarre dream.

“This is all from a misunderstanding,” James said. “Lily was trying to save him; she only wanted to hide him long enough for us to get away. You know Lily. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Well, she did worse than that. She hurt a person.”

“And Severus Prince has hurt—and killed—countless people!”

James realized he was shouting, and Anne was now looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“James, I’ve made my choice. But I’m still your friend. Severus has promised to let you go if we catch Lily; we don’t want to harm misguided purebloods unnecessarily.”

James laughed hollowly. “Anne, you must be very stupid if you think I’m ever leaving here alive.”

“You married a heartless woman,” Anne said. “She doesn’t seem willing to turn herself in for you. To save yourself, you have to tell us where she is.”

She leaned across the desk to grip his hand, but he pulled it out of her reach.

“No. Never.”

“Please, James. I don’t want you to die,” Anne said.

James had finally lost patience. “Go fuck yourself.”

“Enough,” Severus Prince snapped. “Anne, the corrupting influence of the mudblood is too strong for even an angel like you to break through.”

“James, please…” Anne said one last time.

A clock in the room chimed the hour, and James felt his skin crawl, especially when Severus Prince turned a small smile in his direction. 

“I’m afraid James and I need to send another message to Lily.”

“No,” James said, his voice breaking.

Anne turned away from him, pressing her lips together. 

“I’m afraid I may need to go further to get Lily to respond,” Severus told Anne carefully. “You shouldn’t be here for it.”

Anne hesitated. “To get her, I think you should go as far as you need to.”

James’s heart sank. He had realized that the only reason the torture had been kept to the cruciatus curse was as a show for Anne. That was why he had been brought to this office, instead of to the torture room. Now that he had lost her protection, things were about to get much worse.

“Anne… please…” he said.

Anne left, and Severus pulled James to his feet again. 

“Back to our usual spot. I have great plans for you.”

*

The owl arrived on schedule. By now, the sun was rising to its height in the sky, and Lily had paced this side of the lake too many times to count.

She opened the envelope, and once again, James’s voice filled the air. This time, he was sobbing.

“No… no, stop… please…”

“Shall I make you scream for Lily?” Severus Prince was saying, laughter in his voice.

“Lily… Lily, please…”

His words became unintelligible through his sobs.

“Don’t come!” he finally shouted. “Please… don’t…”

As the howler turned to silence, Lily screamed. After the sound had disappeared, she turned to Cait.

“I’m not waiting any longer… I don’t care if I have to go alone-”

“He’ll be here,” Cait said, although she didn’t sound convinced. “Maybe he had to fly. It’s been a while since he’s been here, so it may be hard for him to remember it well enough to apparate safely…”

There was a loud crack, and Lily and Cait both turned their wands towards the wizard who had appeared by the lake.

Brian lowered his hood, then held up his hands. “It’s me.”

Cait ran to him and hugged him. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course,” Brian said. 

He was holding a bundle of robes, and he tossed them to Lily. 

“Sorry I took a while. I was tracking down some of these.”

Lily recognized them as Hogwarts robes. Although they were different from her own time, they still bore the Hogwarts insignia. Brian was wearing Slytherin robes; the robes he had passed to Lily were Hufflepuff robes.

“They’re Cait’s old robes,” he said. “I thought you two looked like you’re about the same size. We’ll blend in better this way.”

“That’s your plan?” Cait said faintly. “You’re going to play dress up to break into the castle?”

“It’s a Hogsmeade weekend for the students. No one in Hogsmeade will give us a second glance if we’re dressed like this.”

“They’re going to be looking for Lily,” Cait said. “Especially once you get into the castle. I don’t think different clothes are going to help much.”

“Do you have a better plan?” Brian asked, clearly annoyed. “It’s not like I could brew polyjuice potion in a morning.”

Cait was silent.

“I think it’s a good plan,” Lily said finally. “We’ll hide in plain sight.”

Cait let out a small noise of disbelief.

“It was always going to be dangerous,” Lily told her. “At least this gives us a chance.”

Lily left Cait and Brian as she went to change. When she came back, they were standing in exactly the same place, saying nothing to each other.

“Be careful,” Cait said.

Lily wanted to tell her that she’d see her soon, but it felt too much like a lie. Instead, Lily hugged her tightly; Cait held on until Lily pulled away.

“To Hogsmeade?” Brian asked.

Lily nodded, taking his arm. As they disapparated, Lily’s last glimpse was of Cait, her friend’s eyes brimming with unshed tears.


	24. Chapter 24

James still wasn’t back.

In his cell, there was no way for Sirius to keep track of time, but he was quite sure that James had been gone an unusually long time. With every passing minute, Sirius’s sense of unease grew. 

He knew every inch of this cell by now. It was a different one than he’d been in with James and Lily weeks ago, but it still had old graffiti on the walls. Sirius had read all of it by now, taking in none of it. The bars were fairly wide, although they were too narrow for a person to fit through.

Sirius had been staring at them for a good minute now, trying to assess whether they were too narrow for a slim dog to fit through. Sirius knew he had lost weight after their time travelling through Scotland, since their meals had been irregular. He doubted he could have fit through the bars when he first came to 1743. He was beginning to think that he had a shot now.

He pressed his face against the bars. There was no one close enough to watch him transform, and so he changed into his animagus form. 

It was a tight fit. The bars pressed against his sides as he squirmed out of the small space, constricting his ribs. His paws scrambled against the stones underfoot, until he was able to pull the rest of himself through.

He let out a small, happy bark. If he had been human, it might have been a laugh.

The first obstacle came at the end of the hall, where the two guards were sitting at a table.

“Where did you come from, little guy?” one of them said, leaning down to scratch his ears.

Sirius did his best to act like a typical dog who didn’t hate this wizard’s guts, and he must have done an okay job, because neither of the guards stopped him from leaving after he endured much petting.

He made his way towards Severus Prince’s torture room, getting lost a few times. At one point, he stumbled across a group of Slytherin students, who cooed over him until he managed to wriggle away.

I’m coming, James, he thought.

*

Brian was right; Hogsmeade was packed with students. Brian and Lily kept to smaller side streets, but they couldn’t avoid them entirely. Many of the students they came across seemed too lost in their own worlds to pay much attention to them. However, as they reached the outskirts of Hogsmeade, one of the students squinted suspiciously at them, craning her head to get a closer look.

Lily walked a little faster, but Brian grabbed her elbow and slowed her down.

“We don’t want to stand out,” he murmured.

To Lily’s horror, the student ran to catch up with them.

“You’re Lily Potter, aren’t you?” she said. “I recognize you from your ‘wanted’ poster.”

It was more of a statement than a question, and Lily could only think how stupid she had been to agree to Brian’s plan. She knew from her own time at Hogwarts that most of the students knew each other by sight; of course a student would recognize an imposter. Lily’s fear only increased when she saw that this girl was wearing Slytherin robes.

“I’m not going to turn you in,” she assured her, taking in Lily’s expression. “I hope you succeed, actually. Do you know what it’s like to have your dormitory in the dungeons, near Severus Prince’s torture chamber? He should use a charm to at least muffle the sound, but he doesn’t, so this morning was awful. I don’t want to listen to anymore, so I’m on your side.”

Her friend, another Slytherin, had caught up and was nodding rapidly. “Severus Prince is creepy. We don’t like having him there.”

“Well, good luck,” the first girl said, a bit glumly. Lily thought she was probably anticipating a new set of screams in the dungeons.

Some of Severus Prince’s fellow aurors were guarding the gates into Hogwarts, and Lily felt herself break out into a cold sweat as they approached them. Brian grabbed her hand.

“Pretend we’re a couple,” he whispered in her ear.

Lily forced a giggle. “You shouldn’t say things like that!”

They continued through the gates, the aurors so lost in their own conversation that they let them through after only a cursory glance.

When they made it to the dungeons, Lily barely resisted the urge to run the rest of the way to James, but Brian kept a tight grip on her hand, keeping her walking at a leisurely pace.

Footsteps came down the hall, and Brian pulled Lily into a shadowed corner, putting his hands on her waist and his head close to hers. When the witch found them, they pretended to spring apart.

The witch rolled her eyes. “Youths,” she muttered, walking away.

“Why didn’t Cait come with you? Why did she ask me?” Brian asked quietly, once the witch’s footsteps had retreated.

“Because she trusts you,” Lily said.

“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?”

“You’ll have to ask Cait yourself.”

She walked away once again, nearly tripping over a black dog in the process. She stifled a scream as the dog transformed into Sirius.

“Lily?” he said, looking as shocked as she felt. “What are you doing here?”

“Rescuing James,” she said. “You too?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re an animagus?”

“It’s a long story.”

Lily was so glad to see him that she hugged him. After a moment, he hugged her back.

“I just can’t remember where the bloody room is,” he said. “These dungeons are a maze.”

“I do,” Brian said, moving in front of them to lead the way.

Lily began to follow, but Sirius grabbed her arm and held her back.

“How?” Sirius asked suspiciously.

Brian frowned. “How what?” 

“How do you know where Severus Prince’s torture chamber is? I didn’t know you’d been there.”

“Oh…” Brian hesitated. “Well… I… I was tortured there myself. A few months before you arrived. Didn’t Cait mention?”

“No,” Lily said.

“I’ll tell you more later, but now’s really not the time,” Brian said, already moving back down the hallway.

Sirius was shaking his head. “I don’t believe you.”

Lily was beginning to feel her own twinge of doubt. Brian could have been the only person besides Cait to know that Lily had gone to the village, when she was captured with Bertha. Cait had insisted that Brian had told Anne and Graham as well, but now that Lily thought of it, the person who had probably told her that was Brian, and none of them had thought to verify it. Another memory was coming to the forefront as well. When James had been sick, and Severus Prince had been at the Ferguson castle, Brian had come to persuade her to hide with the other muggleborns. What was it he had said? He had asked if she’d known where the muggleborns were hiding, and he had offered to escort her there. Duncan had always kept his secrets close. What if Brian hadn’t known where the muggleborns were? What if he had offered to escort Lily there so she could lead him to them?

She pointed her wand at Brian, only to find that he was drawing his as well.

“Expelliarmus!” Lily shouted.

His wand flew from his grip, and Sirius caught it.

Brian let out a small huff of laughter. “Are you going to kill me, Lily? It won’t help you. They already know you’re coming; it’s too late to save yourself.”

“Why did you pretend to help me?” Lily demanded, her voice shaking slightly. 

“To prove to my father that I was loyal, of course,” he said. “He hasn’t trusted me for some time.”

There were many things she wanted to say to him, mostly on Cait’s behalf. When Cait found out that Brian was the traitor, it would break her heart. But there wasn’t time.

“Petrificus totalus,” Lily said quietly.

Brian fell to the floor.

“I don’t suppose it will do much good to tell you to kill the bastard?” Sirius said.

“Good. You’re learning.”

“We should kill him.”

“It would destroy Cait.”

Sirius swore. “Lily… what are we going to do?”

Was it Lily’s imagination, or could she already hear footsteps echoing through the dungeons?

“No one knows you’re an animagus, so you need to leave,” Lily said slowly. Sirius began to protest, but Lily cut him off. “There’s no point in both of us getting captured; that won’t help James. You need to regroup, wait for things to die down, and then try again.”

“And what about you?” Sirius demanded.

Lily lifted her chin. “I’ll be captured. Severus Prince told me in his note that if I turned myself in, he would let James go. I’ll see if I can convince him to keep his word.”

Sirius was staring at her.

“What?” she demanded.

“Evans… you’re alright.”

“That’s Potter, to you,” she said.

But she was speaking to a dog now. It nudged her once with its head before it ran off, leaving her alone in the cold dungeons hallway, except for Brian’s stiff form. She took a deep breath and moved forward, towards Severus Prince and an uncertain fate.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read up to here. I just wanted to let you know that this is the section I used archive warnings for. There will be nothing explicit, but there is some clear non-con stuff here.   
> I also wanted to let you know that updates will likely be a bit slower for the next little while. I'm still plugging away at this, but December is going to be a crazy month, so updates will be less frequent.

By now, James had accepted that no one was coming for him. There would be no daring rescue, and though he reminded himself that he didn’t want one, part of him still ached for one. It wasn’t even so much because he was afraid to die, but because he wished he could have seen Lily one last time before he did.

But he was going to die among enemies, after who knew how much more pain and suffering. The last time Severus Prince had tortured him, before he left, James had begged for Severus to kill him. Severus Prince’s response had been to spit on James, and James hadn’t had the strength to wipe it away.

James was curled in on himself for warmth, but he still shivered steadily. The dungeons were cold, and Severus Prince had taken his shirt. The stones under his bare skin seemed to steadily suck what little warmth he had out of him. Once again, his back had been stripped open, and countless cuts over his body stung. Every breath was painful; James was sure that Severus Prince had broken some ribs with several well-placed blows. Even lifting his head had become an insurmountable task.

To distract himself, he thought of Lily. He conjured her image in his mind, lingering on each detail: her gap-toothed smile, her eyes, her red hair. After a time, he closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, she was there, standing at the door. It was as though his wish for her had been strong enough to summon her there, but that wasn’t possible. James wondered vaguely if he was hallucinating, although it was a bizarre thing to imagine, because why would Lily be wearing Hufflepuff robes?

She began to cry. Lily was beautiful when she cried, James thought. Perhaps not everyone would think so, but James did. He loved how her entire face would flush, how her bottom lip would tremble. It wasn’t that he liked seeing her upset, but he always felt privileged that she allowed him to see her vulnerable. More than that, he liked seeing her, and if this was the last he would see of her before he died, he was grateful to see her in any state. If this Lily was a hallucination, she was a welcome one.

She moved to kneel at his side. She held out a hand, as if to touch him, but she paused, her hand hovering between them. Now, his own eyes were stinging, because he would do anything to feel Lily’s touch again.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, and…”

She clasped her hands in her lap, not meeting his eyes.

“Lily? Could you…” he swallowed hard. “Would you touch me?”

He knew the hallucination would refuse, because he doubted a vision was capable of touch. Still, he was disappointed when she responded.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.

“Please…”

She cupped his jaw with a gentle hand, and he looked at her with a dawning sense of horror. If she was real, then that meant that she was in real danger.

“I’ve messed everything up. They’re coming for me,” she told him, her voice breaking. “I’ll try to get you out, but…”

Now that she said it, James thought he could hear distant footsteps in the hallway. His stomach clenched.

“Lily… you shouldn’t have come. You should have left me.”

“I could never leave you,” she said. “I love you too much.”

“Run, now!” he pleaded.

“It’s too late for that,” she said.

James hesitated. He wanted to continue to beg her to go, but this could be the last time they had together.

“Help me sit up?” 

“Won’t that hurt you?”

“No,” James lied.

Lily gently helped him sit up, until his cut back was pressed against the wall. James bit back a groan, but it was stifled as Lily kissed him, hard. He could taste tears on her lips. He wanted to touch her, but his hands were chained. When he opened his eyes again, it was to see her face, the face of the person he loved most. Not a bad way to die, he thought.

Severus Prince and several aurors ran into the room, disarming Lily easily. She stayed close to James as she faced them.

“You said you would let James go if I came. I’m here,” she said.

“I lied,” Severus Prince said, prompting laughter from the aurors.

Lily held tightly to James as Severus Prince approached.

He sneered. “What a touching scene.”

“I’ll do anything you want, if you let James go,” Lily said.

Severus Prince paused. James didn’t like the new glint that had come into his eyes.

“Anything I want? And what would I want with a mudblood like you?”

Even as Severus Prince said it, James could guess. Severus Prince came close enough to Lily for James’s skin to crawl, and he whispered something in her ear, something audible to James and Lily, but not his auror friends.

“Would you let me fuck you?”

Lily didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

The corners of Severus Prince’s mouth turned up in a small, unpleasant smile. 

“Well, I did promise Anne I would let you go,” he told James. “And what use do I really have for a filthy blood traitor like you?”

“No… No-” James said.

Severus Prince pulled James to his feet, away from Lily’s grasp.

“Don’t hurt him!” she protested, but one of Severus Prince’s aurors held her back.

“Throw him into the forest,” Severus Prince said, shoving James into the grasp of one of his aurors.

“But he needs medical attention. If you leave him in the forest, he’ll die,” Lily gasped.

Severus Prince grinned. “Exactly.”

“No… please…” James begged Severus Prince. “Please, hurt me instead, kill me instead… let Lily go…”

Severus Prince ignored him, his attention solely on Lily.  
“James!” she shouted after him.

Her screams at Severus Prince, begging for his life, followed him down the hall. They passed some students on the way out the castle door, who all looked extremely disturbed by the sight of him. Finally, they reached the edge of the forest and threw him to the ground. He landed hard among the roots and dirt, and as he watched the retreating aurors, his vision began to fade. 

The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was a black dog running across the castle grounds.

*

After James was gone, Severus Prince sent the remaining aurors away. 

“Have a seat,” he told Lily.

There was only one seat in the small room, a small wooden chair flecked with bloodstains. She stayed where she was and crossed her arms.

“There’s no need to be polite,” she said, sounding braver than she felt. “We both know that this isn’t that kind of visit.”

Severus Prince smiled slowly. “As you wish.”

He approached, and she resisted the urge to flinch away.

“You know, Severus, I am sorry that I left you under that bed. I never dreamed that it would take them so long to find you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

By now, Severus Prince’s sallow skin was flushed with anger.

“Apologies won’t save you,” he said. “It’s far too late for anything to save you. Let us be very clear, Lily Potter. I am going to fuck you, multiple times. I’m going to torture you. And you’re going to tell me anything I want—do anything I want—because you’ll be so desperate for it all to stop.”

Lily swallowed hard, but she kept her expression neutral. She was sure James had been brave; the least she could do was meet her fate with the same courage as her husband.

“Nothing to say?” Severus Prince murmured.

He was very close to her now. She spat directly into his face. Her satisfaction at seeing his surprise was brief, as he quickly retaliated by slapping her. Her hand flew to her stinging cheek.

“Your husband begged me to kill him, you know,” Severus Prince said. “You will beg the same a hundred times over, and even then I’ll keep you until I grow tired of you.”

“Your life must have been horrible,” Lily said quietly, “for you to do such horrible things. I feel sorry for you.”

Severus Prince grabbed her arm and shook her. “No one feels sorry for me, mudblood,” he spat. “My life has been fine. Do you know why I do such ‘horrible’ things? Because it brings me pleasure.” He pointed his wand at her and said, “Crucio.”

*

“There’s nothing to do but wait for him to have her executed,” a voice was saying, distant but familiar. “They sometimes execute them outside, next to the forest.”

“They didn’t for your friend… Bertha, was it?”

“No,” agreed the first voice, sounding worried. “No, you’re right about that. There’s no guarantee that it would be outside.”

James blinked open his eyes, taking in the forms of Sirius and Cait. He squeezed his eyes shut again, his blurred vision making him nauseous. He couldn’t remember what was happening, or where he was. All he knew was that he was in the worst pain he’d ever been in.

“So what should we do?” Sirius asked. “We can’t invade the castle, just the two of us. And thanks to Brian, I’m sure everyone knows to be on the lookout for a black dog, so that’s no help either.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Cait said, her voice breaking. “Poor Lily…”

Lily.

James’s eyes flew open again.

“Where’s Lily?” he said, his voice raspy from disuse. 

Cait hurried over to him. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Everything was coming back to him. The pain, the torture room, Severus Prince, Lily screaming as they took James away…

“She’s with him?” James realized, his breaths coming faster now.

“Calm down,” Cait told him gently. “You’re hurt badly-”

“How long has she been there? How long have I been asleep?” 

Cait and Sirius exchanged a look. 

“Two days,” Sirius admitted.

James attempted to get to his feet, and Cait barely managed to catch him as he fell.

“You’re sick,” she said. “Lily wouldn’t want you hurting yourself. Lie back down.”

“You don’t understand,” James gasped. “He’s-”

“Thank you, James, I don’t need to use my imagination to know what’s happening to Lily right now,” Cait snapped. “I’ve seen you, haven’t I?”

“Cait’s right, Prongs,” Sirius said cautiously. “You can help us come up with a plan while you lie down.”

“Right. A plan,” James said.

“Prongs…” Cait said. “You always call each other by those stupid nicknames. Padfoot… that’s because you’re a dog?”

Sirius nodded.

“So what the bloody hell is a prongs?” Cait asked.

“I’m an animagus as well. I can turn into a stag…” James trailed off. “Severus Prince doesn’t know about that.”

Cait folded her arms. “No.”

“Cait-”

“Not now, at least,” Cait said. “I would be a terrible healer if I allowed you to charge into danger in this state. You can’t even stand. We’ll have to wait a day and reassess.”

“And what if Lily doesn’t have a day?” James demanded.

“She does,” Cait said. “If Severus Prince was executing Lily, he would be telling people. No, I think he’s drawing things out.”

James felt sick again, and this time, it had nothing to do with his blurred vision.

“I’m sorry,” Cait said quietly. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been too scared to go with Lily… if I hadn’t contacted Brian-”

“You couldn’t have known,” Sirius said. “Right, James?”

James forced back any anger he felt. There was no point in getting angry at a friend.

“Right,” James said.

“So, we wait,” Sirius said. 

“We wait,” Cait agreed.

James felt a sudden lump in his throat. He closed his eyes and tried to rest. The sooner he felt better, the sooner he could help Lily. He just hoped that it wouldn’t be too late.


	26. Chapter 26

Lily wasn’t sure how long she had been in a body bind, limbs locked together as she lay on the bloodstained floor. There was nothing to mark the passing of time, not even a visitor. Severus Prince had done something even worse than his threats; he had left her, trapped and alone, to anticipate his plans for her. 

Before, Lily had never feared death. Now, she was terrified. What if death would be like this, like being left alone in the cold and dark and silence?

At first, she had cried. She cried over James, who was kind and good, and didn’t deserve to be thrown in the forest to die. She also cried for herself, because she had never been more scared.

Discomfort slowly crept its way through her body. She couldn’t properly move, but she still shivered steadily. Soon, she was so stiff and sore from lying in one position that each breath began to catch in her chest, and she wondered if she might suffocate. 

Then the thirst came, and the hunger, steadily clawing at her throat and her belly. She didn’t cry anymore. She was too tired.

There was nothing to see in the dark, or to hear in this remote part of the dungeon. There was only cold and pain and the scent of blood, and she suspected her own blood would soon join James’s, and whoever else had been unfortunate enough to be brought to this room.

When footsteps finally sounded in the hall, Lily wondered if she was hallucinating, because she hadn’t thought she would see any person again. Then the door opened, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden light as Severus Prince lit the room with his wand. In the candlelight, his face was still partly shadowed, but she could clearly see the hungry glint in his eyes.

“Finite incantatem,” he said, flicking his wand in her direction.

With a gasp, she rolled onto her side, just to change the position she had been in. Severus Prince gave her a swift kick to the ribs, and she groaned.

“Get up,” he said impatiently.

She wasn’t sure she could get up. Her limbs felt like they had been replaced by rocks. But Severus Prince lost patience and forcibly pulled her to her feet.

His lip curled. “Well, well. We aren’t looking at our best.”

He was still holding onto her. She was torn between gratitude, because she thought she might collapse if he let go, and revulsion, because she didn’t want to be anywhere near this man.

“Was it terrible, mudblood?” he asked, his grip tightening on her arm. “Did you want to die, by the end?”

“Fight me,” Lily said. She forced the words out, each one painful.

He laughed. “Excuse me?”

“Let me duel you for my freedom.”

“And why would I do that?” he sneered.

“Afraid to lose against a mudblood again?” Lily said, although the strength of the taunt was lessened by how weak her voice sounded. 

“There seems to be one problem with your proposal,” Severus Prince murmured, his breath hot against her ear. “You have no wand. What sort of witch has no wand? No witch at all, really.”

Lily cringed away. 

“Sit,” Severus Prince said, shoving her into a chair.

She gripped the sides, waiting.

“I am sorry for what I did to you,” Lily said quietly. “Truly.”

Severus Prince shook his head, standing over her.

“Apologies won’t save you.”

“I don’t expect it to save me. I just wanted you to know.”

“Lily Potter, I have wanted you from the moment I saw you, ever since you threw yourself at me on that hill, do you remember? You thought I was someone else, I’m sure. And feeling your warmth against me, I knew I wanted you. I hated myself for it; what sort of respectable wizard wants to fuck a mudblood? But you’re very beautiful, Lily, and I enjoy how you try to fight me. When you beat me in that duel, I knew I had to put you in your place.

“And I’ve been intrigued by your mystery. There’s something odd about you, and I intend to find out what it is. I'm afraid I’ll have to get the information from you in some nasty ways.”

“Why do you like to hurt people?” Lily asked, her voice shaking. “I can’t believe that you really enjoy it…”

Severus Prince’s smile widened. “Oh, Lily, haven’t you guessed? I don’t just enjoy hurting people… I love it. It gives me great pleasure, in fact.”

Lily shuddered.

“Now, take off your clothes.”

*

Cait’s expression was grim as she read the letter, James and Sirius waiting anxiously.

“Duncan says he can’t risk open war yet. Not for one witch.”

“So I’m doing this alone,” James said.

Cait and Sirius both looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

“I’m coming,” Sirius said.

“So am I,” Cait added.

“It could be a suicide mission,” James reminded them.

“Well, then, we’ll die together,” Sirius said, crossing his arms.

“I’m the reason Lily was captured,” Cait said. “If I’d just gone with her in the first place…”

She took a shaking breath. “I’m going.”

“So what’s the plan?” Sirius asked. “Do you think James is well enough to go?”

“No,” Cait said, biting her lip. “We’ll have to wait at least another day.”

James hated this: the forced waiting, and his friends talking about him as if he wasn’t there.

“No,” James said.

“You can’t stand for more than a few minutes at a time,” Cait said, unusually gently. “We’re going to need you for this rescue mission. If you’re too hurt, you’re a liability, and that won’t help Lily.”

Sirius considered her. “You have a plan.”

Cait hesitated. “If Severus Prince has been torturing Lily, he may want a less public execution. That’s what he usually does, so people don’t question his methods. Besides, she’s muggleborn, and in his eyes, she won’t deserve a proper execution. Usually, those sort of executions happen on the edge of the forest. If we can wait it out until then, we’ll only have to fight a few people, instead of fighting our way out of a castle.”

“Yes, you mentioned,” Sirius said, frowning. “But that means leaving Lily to be tortured longer-”

“If we storm Hogwarts, we’re going to be captured,” Cait said. “It’s better to rescue Lily after torture then to not rescue her at all.” She caught sight of James’s expression. “I know. It kills me, too.”

James shook his head. “What if he doesn’t want to execute her?” he said hollowly. “What if he wants to just keep hurting her, and-”

“He will,” Cait said. “If you’re right, and he’s grown fond of Anne, that slimy bastard won’t want Anne to see what he’s doing to Lily. He’ll want to destroy the evidence.”

The three of them sat in miserable silence, until Cait said, “we’ll give it a week. She’s been here for five; that’s just two more. If he doesn’t plan to execute her by then, we’ll think of something else.”

*

On the sixth day, Graham sent a letter to Cait. 

“Mrs. Potter is due to be executed tonight…” She hugged the letter to her chest. “Oh, thank you, Graham.”

Even though Graham was a racist git, James found himself feeling warmly towards him as well. 

James still felt horrible, but he had tried turning into his animagus form and had been able to walk all the way around the lake, so he thought he was ready. He had to be; he was going to save Lily from death, or die trying.

They apparated to near Hogwarts, then picked their way through the trees of the forbidden forest. Hogwarts eventually appeared through the trees, its windows alight. For once, James felt no warmth towards Hogwarts.

He turned his attention to the path from the castle to the gamekeeper’s hut. No one was there yet, and James felt a surge of fear. What if Graham and Cait had been wrong? What if Lily was going to be executed in the castle?

As dusk fell more fully over the castle grounds, four figures made their way across the grounds. James felt his heart lurch, because even from a distance, he immediately recognized one as Lily, and he thought she looked very sick. Two of the figures were supporting her more than forcing her along; the one who led the way was Severus Prince, dressed all in black, walking in his usual prowling way. As they drew closer, James took in more details. Lily’s face was bruised. She was dressed in only a white shift, which was spotted with blood. One of her arms looked broken again, and one of her hands was entirely red with blood. Whatever Severus Prince had done to her, he had not held back. 

Near them, the two wizards holding Lily stopped. Severus Prince moved some paces back, and raised his wand. James had been expecting some sort of speech from Severus Prince, some sort of statement of a sentence. None came.

And Lily, his beautiful wife, he expected to see some defiance from. He had seen it so often throughout the years. She would lift her chin, her eyes would flash, perhaps she would say something scathing. But she just looked tired. Her head hung down. 

She looked ready to die. 

And this was so contrary to what James knew of Lily that he had to force himself to react. He stepped out of the trees not as a wizard, but as a stag. He felt a hatred he had never known himself capable of feeling. He wanted to hurt Severus Prince.

Severus Prince’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open into a satisfying expression of shock, as James trampled him underfoot. Sirius, in his dog form, bit one of the wizards holding Lily, and Cait stunned the other. Cait caught Lily as she crumpled to the ground.

“Go, go-” she snapped.

They could hear shouts already from the castle, and so James abandoned the still form of Severus Prince and galloped back into the forest. The others on his heels. 

They hurried far enough away to apparate.

“Where are we going?” James asked.

“Ferguson castle,” Cait said, disappearing with Lily.

They appeared at the edge of the Ferguson castle grounds.

“They won’t want fugitives here, surely?”

Cait scowled. “If they have a secret room to hide muggleborns, they can hide us too. They owe me that much.”

With visible displeasure, Duncan gave them permission to stay, ushering them into a hallway as though Severus Prince himself was on their heels.

“We need a place to hide,” Duncan said, knocking on the wall in a complicated pattern.

A door appeared in the wall, and he ushered the four of them in.

“If you need anything, send an owl. Don’t come out,” he ordered.

They were in a spacious room that reminded James of the Gryffindor common room. Three rooms branched out from this one.

“One for me, Cait, and you two. Smart room,” Sirius said, impressed. 

“Like the room of requirement,” James said.

Cait helped Lily onto a bed. James and Lily’s room had all necessary things for an infirmary, and Cait immediately began rummaging for things she would need.

“Lily,” James said, kneeling beside her. 

Her eyes fixed on his face. “You’re a deer,” she whispered.

He wasn’t sure what he expected her to say, but it wasn’t that.

“A stag,” he corrected with a small, watery laugh.

“I hope you killed him,” she said, closing her eyes again.

James felt his heart clench. He had a feeling that the Lily who had come out of Hogwarts this time may not be the same Lily who went in.

* 

Later, after Cait had helped Lily as much as she could, she left her and James alone. James climbed into bed beside her, and she grabbed tightly to his hand with her good one.

“Lily…” James hesitated, unsure of what to say.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said.

“Okay,” he said. “What do you want? Can I do anything?”

Lily was quiet for a second, running her thumb in circles over his hand.

“In 1978, they have a pill you can take after sex that makes sure you don’t get pregnant. Can you find out if there’s anything like that here that I can take?”

James felt sick, but he nodded. “I’ll ask Cait. Lily…”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she snapped.

“Is there anything else you want?” James asked, a bit desperately. 

It was a stupid hope, that he could somehow make things better, that he could somehow fix this.

“Yes.” Lily swallowed hard. “I want to go home.”

She began to sob, and James held her tightly. 

“We can do that.”


	27. Chapter 27

“We can’t do that,” Sirius reminded James. “If we touch those stones again, we could end up somewhere even worse… although I guess somewhere without Severus Prince would be an improvement.”

James glanced towards the door to his and Lily’s room, where Lily was currently sleeping. The potion Cait had given her had made her violently sick the night before, and so she was sleeping it off. Seeing her so sick had been horrible, especially since it could all be for nothing.

“It doesn’t always work,” Cait had warned Lily. “I should know.”

She spoke lightly, but there was a bitterness behind the words.

James forced his mind away from the horrifying thought of Lily having to endure an unwanted pregnancy on top of everything else she had gone through, and focused on Sirius again.

“I’m not saying we should touch the stones… yet,” James said cautiously.

Cait raised an eyebrow. “You want to go to Paris.”

Sirius groaned. “You can’t be serious.”

“What other choice do we have?” James replied. “Apparently this Pascale Malfoy will only speak to us in person. We need to get home somehow, and we can’t just hide here forever. Especially not now that we know…”

He trailed off. Graham had visited them about an hour ago, and it had been to deliver bad news.

“Severus Prince is alive,” he told them. “He’s injured, but he’ll recover, and when he does, he’ll be out for your blood.”

While Graham hadn’t explicitly said so, James suspected that he was partially sharing this news to warn them that they wouldn’t be welcome at the Ferguson castle for much longer. James just wasn’t sure how ready Lily was to be on the run again, and so he dreaded telling her they had to leave.

However, that dread couldn’t compare to the dread of telling Lily that Severus Prince was alive.

“I’ll see if Duncan will help us arrange a portkey,” Cait said. “And perhaps I’d better write to Pascale Malfoy as well, to tell her to expect us.”

She moved to a desk and began writing, leaving Sirius and James alone by the fireplace. Her quill scratched quietly on the parchment, but the noise only seemed to magnify the awkward silence between Sirius and James.

“I think I’ll-” James began.

“Maybe I should-” Sirius said at the same time.

They both stopped talking, leaving them in awkward silence once again.

“Um… I’m just going to check on Lily,” James said finally.

“Right,” Sirius muttered.

As James walked into his room, he could see Cait eyeing them both with raised eyebrows. He ignored the clear question in her glance and closed the door behind him. 

He hated this. Sirius had always been his best friend, the person he could talk to about anything. Now, something had broken between them, and he wasn’t sure it would ever be fixed. When they had a purpose, or were around other people, they could easily fake normalcy. But when they were left to themselves, things were far from normal. There were no more jokes, no more easy conversation. James wasn’t sure whether it was his fault, but if it was, he just didn’t know how to fix it.

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked sleepily.

James pulled up a chair to her bedside. “Nothing.”

She gave him a look that clearly said she didn’t believe him.

James sighed. “Actually… it’s Sirius.”

Comprehension was dawning on Lily’s face. “So he told you.”

“You knew?” James asked, outraged. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Lily said.

James groaned and buried his face in his hands. 

“You’re mad?” Lily asked.

In truth, James was mad. But Lily looked so tired and pale and in pain, and he couldn’t bring himself to make things worse for her.

“No,” he told her. “I just feel a bit stupid. Did everyone know but me?”

“I don’t think so,” Lily said. “He hid it well.”

“I just wish things could go back to the way they were,” James said.

“I know,” she said quietly. “But James, he’s your best friend. Even if things can’t go back to the way they were, things don’t have to stay the way they are now. Even if you don’t feel the same way about him, you love him as a friend. Love is worth fighting for.”

Finally, Lily was sounding more like herself. James felt a surge of relief.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” James admitted. “I don’t know how to fight for this.”

“Just be yourself. Be honest.”

James nodded absently. 

“Lily… I have to tell you something.”

The small smile she was giving him slipped off her face at his serious tone.

“Severus Prince is alive.”

Lily recoiled. “What?”

“It’s okay, though, because-”

“No, it’s not okay,” Lily said, a steely note to her voice. “Why didn’t you kill him?”

James winced. “Lily… I guess I was so concerned with saving you, I didn’t think to… and…”

She listened to him flounder without sympathy.

“I thought you wanted him alive for Snape.”

“I’ve been such an idiot,” Lily muttered. “Sirius was right all along. If I’d just killed Severus Prince before, if I hadn’t been so weak, I could have spared us both days of torture. I could have saved countless people, I-”

“No,” James said, gripping her hand. “It isn’t wrong to show mercy. I don’t blame you. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“I do. I blame you, too.”

“What?” 

“There were three wizards there, and three of you. Three killing curses and we would have been fine.”

“You can’t mean that.”

“I do,” Lily snapped. 

“You’re not acting much like Lily.”

“Well, maybe that’s because the Lily from before was weak. I tried to reason with Severus Prince so many times,” Lily said. “I begged him to stop hurting me. I tried to appeal to his humanity; he has none. He’s a monster in every way. You have no idea what he did to me, James-”

“I think I do have some idea, actually,” James snapped.

Immediately, he regretted his words. He’d been in that torture room for a day, rather than almost a week. He hadn’t been raped.

“Mercy is for the weak,” Lily said. “That’s what he told me, when I begged him to stop… to stop…”

She took a shuddering breath. James realized he was crying.

“I’m not who I was before,” Lily said. “And if you can’t live with that, then you should just leave me alone.”

Her bottom lip began to tremble, and her eyes were bright, but she didn’t let the tears fall.

“I won’t,” James said. “Not unless you want me to.”

She was quiet, and he waited for her answer with bated breath.

“I don’t think you’ll love me anymore. I’m too broken.”

He gripped her good hand, hard. “I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried.”

Now, she did let the tears fall. “I’m so sorry, James… I’m sorry for everything.”

James held her as she cried. Wherever Severus Prince was, James hoped that he was suffering.

That night, Lily whispered to him, “I have something horrible to tell you.”

“What?” James asked nervously.

“When Severus Prince was torturing me… he wanted to know where we were from. I told him we’re from the future, and that we came through those stones, and that’s why we wanted to see Pascale Malfoy. I told him everything.”

James felt a chill go down his spine. “So he knows about the stones?”

“I hope he tries to go through them. I hope he ends up somewhere horrible.”

Lily sounded anxious, and when James lifted his hand to run it through his hair, Lily flinched away. 

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“It’s fine,” James assured her. “And as for the stones, what are the odds he’d go somewhere like the present? We’ll be okay.”

He tried to believe it, but it was a long time before he was able to sleep that night.

*

After a rather painful bath the next day, Lily felt a bit more like herself. Even so, she still felt like a shadow version of who she used to be, and she couldn’t seem to quite put herself back together. There was something hard in her chest, a bitterness that she’d never felt to this extent before. As ridiculous as it was, the only thing that seemed to anchor her to her time before was her love for James, and even that seemed changed. His constant hovering nearby was starting to annoy her, and sometimes she faked being asleep just so he would leave her alone.

That afternoon, she actually did fall asleep and woke to a nightmare. Then, she was grateful to see James sitting in his usual chair, head leaned back as he slept. 

He looked ill, too, she thought, so she decided not to wake him. Still, as if he’d sensed her gaze on him, he blinked his eyes open and offered her a small smile.

“I can't go to France,” she blurted.

“Why not?” 

“I don’t have a wand,” she said. She laughed unhappily. “Isn’t that ridiculous? What sort of witch doesn’t have a wand?”

Something passed over James’s face, and she had the sense that he knew exactly where this comment was coming from. Would Severus Prince always remain this shadow between them, she wondered?

“Well, if not having a wand makes you less of a witch or wizard, I guess neither of us measures up,” James said with a rueful smile. “I’d offer you mine, but, well…”

Lily felt her heart clench. “Oh. I’m sorry. I forgot that yours is still at Hogwarts.”

“It’s fine,” James said. “We’ll get new ones in Paris.”

He said it casually, but Lily sensed the sadness underneath. 

“That will be interesting,” Lily said, forcing some cheer into her own voice. “French wands from the 1700s. We can see how they compare to our old ones.”

And she wondered, too, if this would also become normal for them, this faking of cheer and normalcy. She hated it, but at the same time, the alternative was to cry all the time, and she didn’t want to do that, either. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. And poor James had no one to talk to about it, now, because she was a disaster, and Sirius was avoiding him. It was a horrible curse, Lily thought, for James to be married to her at a time like this. He was too good, and he didn’t deserve it.

She closed her eyes again, feeling tears stinging behind her eyelids.

*

The night before they left for Paris, Lily joined James in the common area. He was surprised to see her, because she still rarely left her bed. Lily claimed it was because she was still tired and in pain, which James believed, but Cait had also suggested to him that perhaps she didn’t particularly want to leave her bed, either.

Lily sat beside him on the couch and leaned her head on his shoulder, and for a moment, it felt like old times.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

He had no words, so James tentatively leaned in to kiss her. He had tried once before, and she had dodged. Tonight, she let him kiss her, and she carefully kissed him back. It was far more cautious than it had been before, but it was a start.

“It’s going to be a while before I’m okay again,” she told him, after she had pulled away.

He caressed her cheek with his thumb, and she leaned into his touch.

“That’s okay,” he said. 

And as he kissed her again, for the first time in a while, the world felt as though it had righted itself again. Lily was here, alive. She was solid and real and wonderful. She was his wife. And everything else didn’t matter, not really. Everything else could be fixed, so long as he had Lily by his side.


	28. Chapter 28

“What happens in the future?”

Lily would never forget the question, just like she would never forget anything else that had happened over that week. This particular moment was burned into her memory, because it was after it had happened the first time. She had been crying, silent sobs that made her whole body shake. It was a rare moment of quiet, of non-violence. She almost preferred the violence, because it was what she expected. It made sense.

“What happens?” Severus Prince repeated.

When she didn’t answer, he forced her to her feet. She spat in his face, and it was briefly satisfying to see his surprise, before he hit her. She brought a hand up to her lip, and it came away red.

A laugh bubbled up. Lily wasn’t sure where it came from, but she couldn’t stop. 

“What?” Severus Prince snarled.

“You die,” Lily told him, through her helpless laughter. “You die, and your entire cause is destroyed. I learned about you in school, because muggleborns were allowed back to Hogwarts. All of this is for nothing. You lose. You’re a footnote in a history book about a pathetic, lost cause.”

She chose not to mention Lord Voldemort. She wanted to hurt Severus Prince, not to paint an accurate description of reality in the 1970s. She waited for his fury, for more violence. She was not prepared for the sudden pensive look that passed over his face, a face that so resembled her former friend.

“Thank you for telling me.” He began to kiss her neck, holding her hands when she tried to shove him away. 

“Lily,” he murmured. “Lily…”

“Lily!”

She was jerked back to the present by James’s hand on her elbow. She barely resisted the urge to step away.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

She couldn't tell him about it, or why it was on her mind. Severus Prince had been plotting something, she was sure of it, and she didn’t want to worry James with that knowledge. Besides, James already looked at her as if she were some fragile thing on the verge of shattering, and she didn’t want to burden him with more details of her week from hell.

“I was just thinking that I’ve never been on a ship before,” she said.

Both of them knew she was lying, but James didn’t call her out on it. Instead, he came to stand beside her at the rail of the ship, gazing out across the water. Duncan had only been able to get them a portkey to a port, and so they were taking a ship the rest of the way to France. They had set off perhaps an hour ago, and Lily could already tell that this ship was a bit too small, since she had no where to properly hide from concerned loved ones. Then again, she hadn’t had any space to herself in the Ferguson castle, either. This ship was at least a slight improvement, if only because it was putting space between her and Severus Prince.

She glanced at James again. In the light wind from the sea, his hair was even more messy than usual. The autumn sunlight glinted off of his glasses and lit his face. Some of the tension of the past few days seemed to have finally ebbed away. But if Lily looked closely, she saw the deep circles under his eyes, and the stiff way he held himself reminded her that his body also hadn’t healed from its ordeal.

He caught her looking at him and offered her a small, crooked smile. 

“I’ve never been on a ship either. But it feels the closest to flying of any muggle transportation I’ve tried.”

Tentatively, he put his hand over hers. After a second, Lily relaxed. Holding hands was okay, she reminded herself. 

It was strange, she thought, how it felt like she and James were getting to know each other again. Everything about him was familiar, but she couldn’t help feeling as though they’d lost something fundamental, and now they didn’t quite fit together as they did before.

“I’ve been thinking…” she said. 

James waited patiently. She swallowed hard.

“This marriage is just for now, and once we go back to 1978, we can part ways. I just wanted to remind you that we said that.”

He stiffened. “You want to break up?”

“No! At least, I don’t think so. I don’t know.”

James grip on her hand tightened slightly, and then he let go. “I’m here for you, no matter what you decide. Even if that means I’m just here for you as a friend.”

The words came out with obvious difficulty.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, her eyes stinging.

James turned to leave, but then he paused. “The one thing I’m sure about at the moment is you. It feels pretty awful that you don’t feel the same way.”

“James…” 

He started to walk away, and she considered letting him go. She should have. Instead, she hurried after him.

“Wait…”

He stopped. His eyes were bright, and she felt like the worst person in the world.

“James, I do feel certain about you. But sooner or later, you’re going to grow tired of me as I am now. You deserve someone better… someone who can be happy. You’re too good for me to hold onto. It wouldn’t be fair to you, and I love you too much to do that.”

James shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. You don’t get to decide what makes me happy.”

“But-”

“I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m not going to stop loving you now just because you went through something horrible. What sort of person do you think I am?”

Lily bit her lip. “Just… think about it. If you decide you want to start again in 1978, I won’t be offended.”

Embarrassingly, her voice caught on the last word, making it clear that the sentence was a lie.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to scare me away,” James said flatly. “I’m in this for life. I always was. The only way to get rid of me is to tell me you want me gone.”

Lily hesitated. “I think we should just… maybe keep our distance a bit in Paris.”

“If that’s what you want.”

This time, Lily let him walk away. She turned back to the rail and cried.

*

“She wants you to ‘keep your distance?’” Sirius’s jaw dropped.

Cait was asleep after being ill for most of the afternoon, and Lily was still up above, leaving James and Sirius alone in their cabin.   
James took off his glasses to wipe at his eyes.

“Sorry. I know it’s pathetic,” he muttered. “I shouldn’t be crying.”

“Keep your distance. What does that even mean?” Sirius demanded.

“I’m not sure, really,” James said miserably.

“But that’s bullshit!”

At least one good thing had come out of this. For the first time in a while, things felt normal between James and Sirius again. He had been a bit reluctant to tell Sirius his romantic woes, but he’d had no one else to turn to, and it was a relief to hear Sirius react as he normally would.

“What are you going to do?” Sirius asked.

“There’s nothing I can do,” James said flatly. “I’ll just have to try to keep my distance and hope she changes her mind, I guess.”

“You’re not going to fight for her?”

“I can’t… it wouldn’t be right,” James said. “I have to think about Lily. If she wants me to keep my distance, there’s a reason.”

Sirius shook his head. “Only an idiot would give you up.”

All at once, James felt a bit uncomfortable. 

“Thanks, Sirius,” he said.

But the awkwardness stretched between them, and so James made an excuse and left. The only problem was that there was nowhere to go except to the deck, where Lily was. He stood on the stairs for a few minutes, trying hard not to cry. How had everything gone so wrong? How had he somehow lost the people he cared about the most in a matter of weeks?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience. I'm updating more slowly, but I'm still planning to finish this. :)

As James waited at the gate of the Malfoy manor, tired and travel worn, he had little idea of what to expect. What he knew about the Malfoy family made him wary. In the 1970s, he knew that the Malfoys were a family of blood purists in Voldemort’s inner circle, and so he didn’t expect much better in the 1740s. 

“I didn’t know the Malfoys had family in France,” James had ventured to ask Cait, between her bouts of illness on the ship.

“There’s a branch of the family in England and in France. They’re one of the oldest wizarding families in France… the closest thing France has to wizarding royalty. They have this sprawling manor in the middle of Paris, and that’s where we’re going.”

Sprawling manors, French wizarding royalty… everything James heard made him extremely nervous. Pascale Malfoy had been very tight-lipped in her letters, and James was afraid they would find a woman with no information to give, especially if she learned that Lily was muggleborn. 

“So, do we just knock?” Sirius asked, squinting up at the wrought iron gate.

From the way people walked by the manor, their gazes drifting right over the building, James had a sense that muggles couldn’t see it, but the muggles could certainly see them talking to a wall, and they were getting some strange looks.

“Um…”

James looked helplessly at the gate as well. Cait sighed and knocked smartly on it. A servant answered after only a moment.

“Good evening,” Cait said. “We’ve come to see Madame Malfoy. She should be expecting us. My name is Catherine McKenna, and this is Sirius Black, James Potter, and Lily Potter.”

Fortunately, the servant seemed to recognize their names, and he led them into an elegant parlour, where James felt very out of place in his dirty clothes. Then, after inviting them to sit down, the servant left to tell Pascale Malfoy of their arrival.

Sirius sat heavily on a chair, but the other three remained standing. James wondered if Lily and Cait, like him, felt like they might get in trouble for dirtying the furniture.

A shriek sounded from inside the house, and a well-dressed woman who James guessed had to be at least in her late eighties appeared at the door a minute later. She looked frail, but there was a light in her eyes as she looked at the four of them. The sight of her did much to calm James’s nerves, because there was a warm friendliness to her demeanour that suggested that she was quite different from what he had feared.

Her servant appeared behind her.

“Bring us some tea, please,” she told the servant in heavily accented English.

The servant bowed his head before retreating, leaving the old woman to beam before them.

“Catherine, what a pleasure it is to meet at last. But you never told me the names of your friends in our letters. I was unprepared-”

Cait seemed taken aback by the greeting, and James felt off balance himself.

“You’ve heard of us?” Lily asked.

Pascale nodded eagerly. “We have much to discuss. I know you’re tired, but perhaps rest can wait an hour?”

“I’m sure it can,” James agreed.

His own eagerness to find out how to get home far outweighed his desire to rest, and he hoped the others felt the same way. 

“Please, have a seat,” Pascale said.

James sat beside Lily without thinking, and then immediately second guessed himself. Did keeping his distance mean that he should sit further away? But Lily barely seemed to register his presence, her eyes focused solely on Pascale Malfoy.

As they sat, tea appeared on a table, and with a flick of her wand, Pascale poured it. James felt a twinge of longing for his own wand. While on the road and blending in with muggles, it had seemed less urgent to have one, but in a magical household, he felt very out of place without a wand.

“You look as though you have had a long journey,” Pascale said cheerfully, which James thought was probably the kindest way of telling them they all looked like shit. “When did you go through the stones?”

“In the summer,” James said.

“Ah, but that is not what I mean.”

Once again, Pascale’s eyes were alight.

“1978,” Lily said quietly.

Pascale took a delicate sip of tea. “For me, it was 2020.”

Sirius, who had been drinking tea far less delicately, choked. “You went through the stones?”

“Where do you think I got my interest in them? Not to mention my belief. I researched extensively after I came through the stones to find how to get home, but of course, I met Georges Malfoy, and I decided I would rather stay here after all."

“When did you come from?” James asked.

“2020.” 

Pascale made a face of disgust, and James and Lily exchanged a look of dismay.

“Is there still a war?” Lily asked.

Pascale’s expression softened. “No.”

She didn’t elaborate.

“No?” Sirius pressed. “Then what’s 2020 like?”

“It is not wise to know too much of your future, Mr. Black,” Pascale said.

James didn’t like the hint of sadness in her tone. Before any of them could question her further, Pascale had changed the subject.

“So you would like to go home. I would very much like to help you.”

“But…?” Lily asked.

“Oh, there is no ‘but,’” Pascale assured her. “I’ve charted when to go through the stones to get to a particular time. I will simply check my notes and send you on your way. There are gaps in my knowledge, of course, but I believe I can send you where you need to go.”

“If it’s that easy, why didn’t you just send the information in a letter?” Sirius demanded.

There was a twinkle in Pascale’s eye. “It’s not every day you meet fellow time travellers. I wanted to speak to you, of course. And now, you will be my guests. You look dead on your feet. We have plenty of rooms in the manor, and I’ll have a servant show you there at once. I suppose you'll need three?”

At first, her words didn’t register, not until Lily spoke up.

“Four, please.”

James’s heart twisted. He looked at the ground, feeling strangely embarrassed.

With an odd expression on her face, Pascale considered them.

“Oh, dear,” she said. “I’ve just remembered. There are only three rooms ready for guests… what a shame. I hope you two won’t mind sharing? You’re married, yes?”

Lily looked ready to protest, but Pascale called for a servant before she could.

Silently, the four travellers followed the servant up a staircase. At the top of the stairs, Cait almost crashed into a well-dressed blond man with Pascale’s pointed features. 

“Pardon me,” he said, eyeing them with obvious curiosity. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Gustave Malfoy.”

They tiredly ran through introductions. 

“You are guests of my grandmother’s? I hope I will see more of you.”

His gaze lingered for a moment on Cait before he nodded to their group and continued on his way.

Sirius was deposited at his room first, then Cait. When Lily and James entered their own large room, and the door had been closed behind them, they were left in a silence that seemed to have gathered more weight over their journey to the room. Lily avoided his gaze, her eyes focused on the single bed in the room.

“I’ll take the… um… window seat,” James offered.

“Don’t be stupid,” Lily said. “We can share.”

Without another word, she moved to her usual side of the bed and, without bothering to change out of her dusty dress, lay down on the very edge of it. James followed suit, almost falling off of the bed in an effort to keep his distance from Lily. Really, he thought sadly, it might have been better for him to take the window seat, just to avoid the awkwardness.

Lily lay so still that he knew she wasn’t sleeping either, because she tended to move a lot in her sleep. As the minutes passed, all he could think about was Lily lying next to him. How was it that she was so close to him, and yet she still felt so out of reach? His mind couldn’t help but stray to the many evenings they had spent sharing a bed, evenings that had been very different.

He had to try to fix this.

“Lily?” he whispered.

She didn’t answer, no doubt trying to feign sleep. He wanted to call her out on it, but he suspected that she wouldn’t be happy about it.

He closed his eyes again, and hoped for rest.


	30. Chapter 30

Once as a child, Lily had been to Paris. She had many fond memories of that trip. It had been before they knew Lily was a witch, and so Petunia had been much friendlier. At their ages, both had been suitably impressed by the sights, but not impressed enough to avoid boredom as tour guides droned on about this king and that king, or that obscure architectural fact. How well Lily remembered Notre Dame, with her and Petunia trying to mimic the gargoyles’ facial expressions when her parents weren’t looking.

This Paris that she found herself in now was very different from that Paris. No Eiffel Tower stretched over the buildings to make that iconic Paris skyline. The streets looked very different from how she remembered, as if she were in a different city entirely than the one she remembered from her childhood. She looked in vain for something familiar, for some hint of the excitement she had felt back then. Instead, she felt nothing, even as she walked by Notre Dame and its familiar gargoyles, while James and Sirius and Cait stared like the tourists they were.

French conversation flooded the streets as people passed by, the strange words leaving Lily feeling especially foreign. Scotland in the 1740s, while different, had been navigable. Lily regretted her very weak grasp of French, because being in a different time as well as a different country was even more disorienting. 

Fortunately, Gustave Malfoy had offered to accompany them to the wand shop. At first, he had suggested that they use floo powder, but quickly changed his tune when Cait had said she would like to see the sights. He led them through the streets with ease, chatting with Cait while she smiled and nodded, although Lily sensed that Cait's responses were more out of politeness than real interest. This left Sirius, Lily, and James together, and so Lily made a point of trailing behind the two men, ignoring James’s occasional wounded look in her direction.

The wand shop was on a hidden street much like Diagon Alley. Gustave led the way into the large, pristine shop, where boxes of wands were stacked up to a high ceiling. In rapid French, he spoke with the shop owner, who fixated on Lily first. 

Nervously, Lily stepped forward as he began to measure her.

“My last wand was willow with a unicorn hair core, if that helps,” Lily said quietly.

After Gustave had translated, the shop owner said something back in rapid French.

“He says your last wand doesn’t matter,” Gustave said, with an apologetic shrug.

Lily tried several wands, feeling rather stupid being on display like this while her friends watched. Eventually, the shop owner seemed to sense this and ushered them out, telling them to come back in half an hour. Gustave protested, saying he should stay to translate, but the shop owner pushed him out too.

In the silent shop, Lily felt especially awkward, staring at the stone floor. The shop owner approached and muttered something in French. As Lily took another wand, her eyes welled up, and she turned away from the shop owner. 

Gently, he took the wand from her hand. Taking her by the arm, he led her to a back room and gave her a steaming mug of tea. He sat across from her with his own cup, and they drank in silence, except for Lily’s occasional sniffs.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

He waved his hand, as if to wave away her comment; even if he didn’t speak English, it was clear enough what she had said.

“The last time I got a wand, my parents were with me,” she told him. “Everything was good then. Now everything’s a mess. And maybe I’ll never find a wand… I’m not even sure I want to be a witch anymore.”

That was all she said, and she never would have said it if he’d spoken English.

They drank their tea, and once they were done, the shop owner led her back out. Lily was left feeling like she had made a new friend, and she tried more wands out of respect for his time, even if her heart wasn’t in it.

After some hesitation, the shop owner passed her a wand that looked much like her old wand. She would guess that it was also a willow wand. This one was the right one; she felt it the moment it was in her hand. 

She shot the shop owner a delighted smile, and he grinned back at her.

The door to the shop opened, and Lily whirled around in time to see her friends. They all looked worried, but as she turned to them with a smile on her face, some of their worry seemed to melt away. 

Lily paid the shop owner (having retrieved her wedding gifts from Scotland before leaving for France), then settled back as Sirius tried out wands, and then James. Sirius’s wand was found quickly, but James’s wand was not. Finally, the shop owner handed James a wand that worked. 

He murmured something to Gustave, who grinned.

“What?” James asked, looking self-conscious.

“Your core came from the same animal as Mrs. Potter’s,” Gustave explained. 

Feeling uncomfortable, Lily quickly asked, “what is the core, Mr. Malfoy?”

The shop owner shook his head and spoke rapidly to Gustave. All of Gustave’s merriment seemed to disappear.

“It came from a thestral.”

Lily tensed. From what she knew about thestrals, this seemed like bad news. The shop owner came over and gripped her arm again, a comforting gesture.

“He says that some say a thestral tail hair core brings bad luck or death, but he disagrees. It’s a rare core. It's only fit for a witch or wizard who has experienced pain and death, and can still look upon death without fear. It’s a core for the brave.”

Sirius looked at his wand with some disdain. “Well, I feel pretty bad about my lame dragon heartstring core now.”

Cait rolled her eyes, although there was a fondness behind it. Gustave watched this with a downtrodden expression.

“Merci,” Lily said as she left, the word clumsy on her tongue.

Still, the shop owner smiled as though she had said much more than the simple word.

They explored the rest of the area for some hours. Cait finally extricated herself from Gustave in the bookstore and moved to Lily.

“You’re alright?”

“Yes,” Lily assured her. “Excited to try my new wand, actually.”

She picked up a book on potions, admiring the illustrations and wishing she could read the French.

“Gustave seems to be paying you a lot of attention,” Lily said, mostly to change the subject away from herself.

Cait shrugged. “Yes. He’ll be disappointed when I leave.”

There was an odd note to Cait’s voice, but before Lily could ask about it, Gustave was back again.

“I see you like the potions books, Mrs. Potter. What sort of books do you like, Cait?”

*

As soon as they were back at Pascale’s home, Lily sought her out, with James, Sirius, and Cait on her heels.

“I suppose you’re here to ask about my notes,” Pascale said, lounging on a chair. 

“Yes,” James said. “Did you find anything?”

“Well, my dear,” she said. “I’m an old woman. I’m afraid I misplace things. You’ll have to be patient a little bit longer.”

Lily found herself filled with despair, but she bit her tongue, not wanting to be rude.

Sirius had no such scruples.

“You misplaced them?” he asked suspiciously.

“You doubt me?” Pascale drawled.

“No, of course not,” Lily interrupted. “Thank you for looking, Mrs. Malfoy.”

She dragged Sirius out of the room.

“You can’t believe her,” Sirius snapped, as soon as the door was shut.

“Not really, no,” Lily said. “But as she’s the one who has the notes, it’s best to play along and do what she wants.”

“And search for them in the meantime,” James said. “They’re probably in a study of some sort.”

“Brilliant, James!” Sirius said.

James nodded once, as if to acknowledge his own brilliance. “I’m sure if Cait just asks Gustave where Pascale’s study is…”

“And if we’re caught?” Cait asked. “What then?”

“We won’t get caught,” James said with a shrug.

Cait muttered something unkind about Gryffindors, while Lily found herself torn between Cait and James. She wanted to get her hands on the notes desperately, but Cait was right to be cautious, Lily thought. Then again, James and Sirius certainly had practice sneaking around and not being caught (mostly).

“I think we’ll have to risk it,” Lily said finally.

James muttered, “yes!” and even Sirius nodded his approval.

“Gustave says there’s supposed to be a ball here in a few days,” Cait said finally. “If you’re stupid enough to want to sneak around, that may be the time to do it.”

“Excellent,” James said.

He grinned at Lily, and for a moment, she almost forgot about keeping her distance, because James’s smile was so beautiful, and it made her want to kiss him. To her shame, she couldn’t keep herself from smiling back, but she quickly averted her eyes.

*

That night, James had nightmares. As Lily lay awake, James tossed and turned, and he woke up gasping, hand searching for his wand on the nightstand.

Lily couldn’t help it. She reached for him and whispered, “it’s okay.”

He relaxed slightly at her touch, although his breaths remained fast. Her hand found his.

They remained that way, close, hands grasped together. She was afraid James would speak and break this spell, but he didn’t. Quietly, they returned to sleep, safe in each other’s embrace.


End file.
